May 18

Stiles Files for May 18, 2012

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SkechersSkechers will pay $40 million to settle unfounded claims Shape-ups help people lose weight and strengthen muscles.  They can easily come up with the money thanks to their new line of Hook-ups, the shoe that’s guaranteed to get you sex.
(The Real Story) 

 

Jennifer AnistonThe adviser that vetted Sarah Palin for John McCain said even though they lost, he stands by a “high risk, high reward” philosophy.  He suggests Romney pick Jennifer Aniston.
(The Real Story)  

 

Free Willy350 lb. Bill Wisth is protesting a WI all-you-can-eat restaurant that cut him off after eating 12 fish.  They gave him 8 fish to go away, for a total of 20.  My God, Free Willy never ate that much fish.
(The Real Story)  

 

Stripper silhouettesTopless dancers at the Crazy Horse nightclub in Paris have gone on strike, saying they aren’t being paid enough.  And do you really want to go see replacement strippers when they’re called “scabs?”
(The Real Story)  

 

ambulanceA VA community is securing drug compartments in ambulances after a string of thefts of Versed, an anti-anxiety medication.  Apparently, trying to figure out why “ambulance” is written backward on the hood causes a lot of anxiety.
(The Real Story)  

 

Don’t be selfish…make a habit of sharing this with your friends, many of whom could seriously use a laugh.

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 17

Stiles Files for May 17, 2012

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George W. BushGeorge W. Bush endorsed Mitt Romney.  But sources doubt he’ll be out campaigning for him.  He did, however, put up a big “Missionary Accomplished” banner at his house.
(The Real Story) 

 

jet hit by lightningFrancois Hollande, who just took over as France’s president, had his plane get hit by lightning on the way to Berlin.  Socialist that he is, he publicly expressed regret that all other planes did not get equally hit by lightning.
(The Real Story)  

 

Henry KissingerHenry Kissinger was given the full pat down by the TSA at LaGuardia.  None of the agents knew who the 88-year-old former Secretary of State was.  He immediately started trying to negotiate a ceasefeelup.
(The Real Story)  

 

aerial droneA new type of “virtual colonoscopy” has been shown to be just as effective as standard tests, and you don’t have to prep with the laxative.  And if this method doesn’t do the trick, they’re going to start sending in aerial drones.
(The Real Story)  

 

Surgeon with scalpelA NY man had his friend shoot him in the leg with a rifle because he wanted to know what it felt like.  Could have been worse.  The conversation started out with the guy wondering how bad it hurt back when he was circumcised.
(The Real Story)  

 

Don’t be selfish…make a habit of sharing this with your friends, many of whom could seriously use a laugh.

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 10

Stiles Files for May 10, 2012

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Six Million Dollar ManClaire Lomas finished the London Marathon after 16 days even though she hasn’t been able to feel her legs for 5 years.  She did it in a $75,000 bionic suit.  Boy, if that’s as fast as the Six Million Dollar Man moved, he’d have never won that fight with Bigfoot.
(The Real Story) 

 

Fruit of the Loom guysUsing a double agent, the CIA thwarted a plot by al-Qaida’s affiliate in Yemen to destroy a US-bound airliner with an underwear bomb.  Double agent meaning what, he wore both Fruit of the Looms and Hanes?
(The Real Story)

 

TootsieA man who had a cardiac arrest while jogging in London’s Hyde Park says Dustin Hoffman saved his life.  Well, it wasn’t Dustin Hoffman.  It was a woman who looked like Tootsie, but nobody wants to disappoint the guy.
(The Real Story) 

 

ambulanceOklahoma City cops arrested a 72-year-old man for allegedly calling 911 to talk about sex.  Yeah, but most of the time a 72-year-old man thinks about sex, he’s going to need an ambulance, so it’s a legitimate call.
(The Real Story)

 

Backstreet BoysMichael Jackson’s former bodyguard claims Jacko was a paranoid maniac who ordered members of his inner circle to kill older brother Randy to stop a Jackson 5 reunion tour.  Such a shame Michael didn’t live…to stop the Backstreet Boys reunion.
(The Real Story) 

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 09

Stiles Files for May 9, 2012

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Bill ClintonA new poll finds Romney in a dead heat with Obama in 12 key swing states.  If you think back to Bill Clinton’s campaign, you’ll remember he did particularly well in swinger states.
(The Real Story) 

 

horse bettingCops still don’t have any suspects in the death of a horse groomer whose body was found in a barn at the Kentucky Derby.  Wow, whoever bet on that happening at the race walked away with a fortune.
(The Real Story)  

 

dinosaurResearchers calculate dinosaur flatulence could have put enough methane into the air to warm the planet during the Mesozoic era.  They’re also pretty sure dinosaurs eventually developed the ability to giggle every time they did it.
(The Real Story) 

 

upside down houseAn Austrian village unveiled a house that’s literally upside down, inside and out.  It’s a big tourist attraction.  If anybody wants to see a bunch of houses that are under water, all they have to do is come to America.
(The Real Story)  

 

Beatles White AlbumScotland Yard banned the word “blacklist” as being too racially insensitive.  The computer term “whitelist” is forbidden as well.  Agents can also no longer listen to the Beatles’ White Album.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 05

Stiles Files for May 5, 2012

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blue ribbonBristol Palin baby daddy Levi Johnston has another kid on the way.  His girlfriend says the it was unplanned, the result of several days in a wilderness cabin with no birth control.  Usually once you become this good of a breeder somebody enters you in a county fair.
(The Real Story) 

 

HarvardHarvard is offering courses online for free.  edX will allow students to watch video lessons, take embedded quizzes and participate in online labs.  To give the real Harvard experience, the site will reject 94% of the people who want to go to it.
(The Real Story)

 

chimpanzeeBob Barker is opening a new area for sick chimps at a sanctuary in Louisiana called Chimp Haven.  He donated $380,000 to it.  Chimps who come closest to guessing the amount of the donation without going over get to live there.
(The Real Story)  

 

Michael JacksonPepsiCo made a deal with the Michael Jackson estate to use him for its new marketing push.  Special edition cans will bear his image, and the new campaign promises Pepsi can perk you right up after a hefty dose of Propofol.
(The Real Story)  

 

crackersA pet parakeet was returned to its owner after it told police its home address near Tokyo.  Well, his house was the second address he gave them.  The first one was to a cracker factory.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 02

Stiles Files for May 2, 2012

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Backstreet BoysReports are that bin Laden thought about changing the name of Al Qaeda.  But first of all, “The Backstreet Boys,” was already taken and second, it’s not that intimidating.
(The Real Story) 

 

red paintDevelopers are selling the entire small town of Toomsboro, GA, population 700.  It’s so small, it’s one of the few places where you can literally paint the town red.
(The Real Story)  

 

Encyclopedia BrownThe next Bond movie promises a journey into 007’s troubled psyche.  The director says he’s much more complex in the books than in the movies.  I always thought the same thing was true of Encyclopedia Brown.
(The Real Story)  

 

HindenburgAustralian billionaire mining magnate Clive Palmer plans to build a modern, luxury version of the Titanic.  Great, so what am I supposed to do with this Hindenburg II ticket I bought from him last year?
(The Real Story)  

 

helmetA CA man says his BMW motorcycle gave him an erection he’s had for 20 months now.  It’s so bad that by state law, he has to have a second little helmet when they ride.
(The Real Story) 

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 01

Stiles Files for May 1

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Hill Street BluesNewt Gingrich will officially end his 2012 presidential campaign Wednesday in DC.  He’s also finally ready to admit the Confederacy lost the Civil War and “Hill Street Blues” was cancelled.
(The Real Story) 

 

sexy judgeA St. Louis woman won a $6 million judgment against “Girls Gone Wild” for using her bare breasts without permission.  See her in the new DVD series, “Girls Gone Litigious.”
(The Real Story) 

 

Winnie the PoohA young bear between 150 and 200 lbs. had to be tranquilized and shot out of a tree in CO.  Which, by the way, is also the unused alternate ending to “Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Osama bin LadenReports are that an aging Osama bin Laden considered himself a stud and used Avena syrup, a natural Viagra made from wild oats.  He often referred to sex as “hiding in the caves of Bora Bora.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Joe JacksonAn ID man was charged with forcing another man to perform Michael Jackson’s “moonwalk” at gunpoint.  Which isn’t a whole lot different than how Joe Jackson got his sons to start performing in the first place.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 28

Stiles Files for April 28, 2012

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Deion SandersGregg Miller sells testicular implants for dogs called Neuticles.  He says they know something’s missing when they’ve been neutered.  Great.  Given how his wife’s been treating him, does he have anything for Deion Sanders?
(The Real Story) 

 

Acme missileAnalysts say 6 new North Korean missiles shown at a military parade are fakes.  Not even good ones.  The giant fuses that trail out of the backs and the word “Acme” painted on the sides isn’t very convincing.
(The Real Story)  

 

Cookie MonsterThe National Endowment for the Arts awarded much smaller grants to established PBS programs this year.  Things are so bad, “Sesame Street” is only brought to you by a letter, not a letter and a number.
(The Real Story) 

 

Sun ChipsA Swiss woman starved to death after embarking on a spiritual diet that required her to stop eating or drinking and live off sunlight alone.  She misread the diet.  You’re supposed to survive on nothing but Sun Chips.
(The Real Story)  

 

Barbara BushFormer President George H.W. Bush told his story for an HBO documentary.  Producers agreed to do it only under the condition Barbara later portray George Washington in an HBO biopic.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 27

Stiles Files for April 27, 2012

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ForeignerFormer “Real Housewives” and alleged White House party crasher star Tareq Salahi is running for governor of VA.  His wife Michaele ran off with one of the guys in Journey.  Members of Foreigner are excited to see if these means any cute statehouse interns for them.
(The Real Story) 

 

old manJurors in NY watched footage of a man who allegedly dressed up as his dead mother for 6 years to cash her Social Security checks.  The only time it was awkward was when the old fella she was dating showed up wanting to watch TV and cuddle.
(The Real Story) 

 

Bubba WatsonA gray whale found dead in Puget Sound had a golf ball in its stomach.  After watching the Master’s, it would come as no surprise to me whatsoever that Bubba Watson could make that shot.
(The Real Story)  

 

Donald TrumpDonald Trump appeared before Scotland’s parliament to demand they end plans for an offshore wind farm.  Mostly because they tend to muss his hair.
(The Real Story)  

 

Tim TebowJets QB Tim Tebow has maintained that he’s a virgin.  So AshleyMadison.com is offering $1 million to any woman who can prove she’s slept with him.  That’s odd.  It sure looked like he got screwed by the Broncos to me.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 21

Stiles Files for March 21, 2012

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swimsuit modelThe swimsuit model accused of masterminding of a worldwide drug ring was busted in Australia after skipping bail.  You just so rarely hear the terms “swimsuit model” and “mastermind” in the same sentence.
(The Real Story) 

 

YentlAn Israeli couple’s peace bid to Iran involved uploading posters of their smiling faces pledging their love for Iranians and promising Israel won’t bomb Iran to Facebook.  They also sent them 75,000 free copies of “Yentl.”
(The Real Story)  

 

pandaA businessman is using panda dung to grow organic green tea he sells for over $200 a cup.  Does this mean that’s what China’s going to give us as a gift now instead of the whole panda?
(The Real Story)  

 

submarineSubmarines are replacing yachts as the preference of wealthy adventurers.  People like Richard Branson, James Cameron and Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen have one.  My house is underwater, does that count?
(The Real Story)  

 

SnookiThe cast of Jersey Shore starts filming season 6 this summer.  Of course, Snooki is pregnant now.  The episode where every guy within 10 city blocks shows the baby how to breastfeed should be great.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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