May 18

Stiles Files for May 18, 2012

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SkechersSkechers will pay $40 million to settle unfounded claims Shape-ups help people lose weight and strengthen muscles.  They can easily come up with the money thanks to their new line of Hook-ups, the shoe that’s guaranteed to get you sex.
(The Real Story) 

 

Jennifer AnistonThe adviser that vetted Sarah Palin for John McCain said even though they lost, he stands by a “high risk, high reward” philosophy.  He suggests Romney pick Jennifer Aniston.
(The Real Story)  

 

Free Willy350 lb. Bill Wisth is protesting a WI all-you-can-eat restaurant that cut him off after eating 12 fish.  They gave him 8 fish to go away, for a total of 20.  My God, Free Willy never ate that much fish.
(The Real Story)  

 

Stripper silhouettesTopless dancers at the Crazy Horse nightclub in Paris have gone on strike, saying they aren’t being paid enough.  And do you really want to go see replacement strippers when they’re called “scabs?”
(The Real Story)  

 

ambulanceA VA community is securing drug compartments in ambulances after a string of thefts of Versed, an anti-anxiety medication.  Apparently, trying to figure out why “ambulance” is written backward on the hood causes a lot of anxiety.
(The Real Story)  

 

Don’t be selfish…make a habit of sharing this with your friends, many of whom could seriously use a laugh.

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 27

Stiles Files for April 27, 2012

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ForeignerFormer “Real Housewives” and alleged White House party crasher star Tareq Salahi is running for governor of VA.  His wife Michaele ran off with one of the guys in Journey.  Members of Foreigner are excited to see if these means any cute statehouse interns for them.
(The Real Story) 

 

old manJurors in NY watched footage of a man who allegedly dressed up as his dead mother for 6 years to cash her Social Security checks.  The only time it was awkward was when the old fella she was dating showed up wanting to watch TV and cuddle.
(The Real Story) 

 

Bubba WatsonA gray whale found dead in Puget Sound had a golf ball in its stomach.  After watching the Master’s, it would come as no surprise to me whatsoever that Bubba Watson could make that shot.
(The Real Story)  

 

Donald TrumpDonald Trump appeared before Scotland’s parliament to demand they end plans for an offshore wind farm.  Mostly because they tend to muss his hair.
(The Real Story)  

 

Tim TebowJets QB Tim Tebow has maintained that he’s a virgin.  So AshleyMadison.com is offering $1 million to any woman who can prove she’s slept with him.  That’s odd.  It sure looked like he got screwed by the Broncos to me.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 24

Stiles Files for April 24, 2012

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fireA super energy saving LED bulb from Philips, said to last over 20 years, went on sale online and in stores for $50.  They will next start working on wood-burning hi-def TV’s.
(The Real Story) 

 

old ladyIran says it recovered data from our spy drone that went down there last year, and they’re building a copy of it.  It’s the geo-political version of accidentally throwing your Frisbee into an old lady’s yard who won’t give it back.
(The Real Story)  

 

Coca-Cola polar bearExperts in New Zealand say Natasha Harris’ 2-gallon-a-day Coca-Cola consumption “probably” contributed to her death.  The good news is that obviously, she had enough Coke Reward Points to pay for the whole funeral.
(The Real Story)  

 

Cesar Millan“Dog Whisperer” host Cesar Millan’s divorce was finalized.  Cesar cited among reasons for the divorce his inability to establish himself as the alpha-male.
(The Real Story)  

 

David Copperfield“American Idol” Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks is getting his own short-term show on the Vegas Strip.  He’s the first winner or finalist to secure such a gig.  Well, it’s not exactly his show.  He sings 1 song while David Copperfield cuts him in half.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 21

Stiles Files for April 21, 2012

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IV bagA Vegas anesthesiologist offers a “cure” for hangovers in 45 minutes or less.  For $150, he connects you to an IV in his bus.  Great, but will he also stuff your pockets with the cash you lost at the tables the night before?
(The Real Story) 

 

Secret ServiceSpirit Airlines seized the Secret Service sex scandals as a marketing opportunity.  It’s a “More Bang For Your Buck!” sale on flights to Colombia.  You can even start a fight by refusing to pay, just like the real Secret Service!
(The Real Story)  

 

Chris ChristieNJ Gov. Chris Christie insists he was listening, not sleeping, during a recent Springsteen concert.  A fan caught a photo of him with his head back and eyes closed.  Maybe he was just picturing himself as Vice President.
(The Real Story)  

 

Young coupleYoung Americans aren’t that eager to get drivers’ licenses or drive.  Who needs a car when parents these days let them have sex right there in the house?
(The Real Story)  

 

Shanghai SurpriseMadonna wasn’t happy 15-year-old daughter Lourdes was photographed smoking outside her high school.  Give her a break.  It’s not as if she did a remake of “Shanghai Surprise” or anything.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 17

Stiles Files for April 17, 2012

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George WashingtonGeorge Washington was voted by Brits as the greatest enemy commander to ever face them.  The Revolution was called “the worst defeat for the British Empire ever,” especially by someone wearing a wig with a pretty ribbon in it.
(The Real Story) 

 

CasperA NJ couple is suing their landlord because they say the place is haunted.  They should have kept their mouths shut.  Now the landlord’s countersuing for having more than the accepted number of people living in the house.
(The Real Story)  

 

ObamaThe Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducted Guns N’ Roses, though Axl Rose didn’t show because it “doesn’t appear to be somewhere I’m actually wanted or respected.”  Hey, that didn’t stop Obama from going to the Summit of the Americas.
(The Real Story)  

 

old manAn ad featuring senior citizens simulating sex acts by SaferSex4Seniors.org is to promote condom use.  The real trick was getting the seniors unstuck from those positions.
(The Real Story)

 

plumberA man tried to rob a central NY bank with a toilet plunger.  He didn’t realize he’d have made more money as a plumber than he could have ever stolen from the bank.
(The Real Story)

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 06

Stiles Files for April 6, 2012

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Lindsay LohanA rocket with a secret payload blasted off in CA.  It’s thought to be an imaging satellite capable of seeing at night and through bad weather.  Or a tracking tool in case Lindsay Lohan ever gets put back on probation.
(The Real Story) 

 

Hunger GamesA debate between Senate candidates in NB got weird when one accused the other of trying to follow his 14-year-old daughter on Twitter.  C’mon, how else is a 63-year-old going to find out how totally awesome “Hunger Games” was?
(The Real Story)  

 

Heidi FleissAnimal Planet has some new shows coming, including “Top Hooker,” which is a fishing competition.  But…a fishing competition hosted by Heidi Fleiss.
(The Real Story)  

 

Sophia VergaraA poll shows 51% of Hispanics don’t like being called “Hispanics.”  And they’re sick of always being asked if they happen to know “Modern Family’s” Sophia Vergara.
(The Real Story)  

 

Ringo StarrRumors persist the Beatles sons are forming a band.  Ringo’s son Zak Starkey is the only one not keen to the idea.  Mostly because Ringo wants the gig himself.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 27

Stiles Files for March 27, 2012

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Dick CheneyDick Cheney is recovering after undergoing heart transplant surgery.  The donated heart didn’t even have to be thawed when it came out of the cooler as it matched the temperature of Cheney’s old one.
(The Real Story) 

 

rainbowAtheists gathered on the National Mall for a rally.  They equated coming out as a non-believer with coming out as being gay.  But since the rainbow has already been used as a symbol by both God and gays, they’re out of luck.
(The Real Story)  

 

SnookiGallagher is done performing live, saying his job was like “baby-sitting people who can’t handle alcohol.”  As opposed to the producer of “Jersey Shore,” whose job IS to baby-sit people who can’t handle alcohol.
(The Real Story)  

 

Spice GirlsA Denver woman faked mental illness to avoid jury duty.  She dressed oddly, claimed to have PTSD, and said crazy things like, “the Spice Girls are still every bit as attractive as they were in the 90’s.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Chris BrownA marriage guide advising Muslim men how to beat their wives is a big seller.  It says the wife can’t leave the house without permission, and the man can hit her with a stick or pull her by the ears.  The book can be found by its alternate title, “The Chris Brown Story.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 17

Stiles Files for March 17, 2012

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Nike black and tanA new Nike sneaker, the Black and Tan, is offending the Irish as that was the name of a brutal British suppression.  They say it’s “the American equivalent of calling a sneaker ‘the Al Qaeda.’”  I assume Al Qaeda shoes would be very hard to find.
(The Real Story) 

 

rocket launcherAmazingly, the TSA confiscate 4 handguns a day among the contraband it takes from airline customers.  But in all fairness, they need a gun in their carry-on in case the airline loses the rocket launcher in their checked baggage.
(The Real Story)  

 

Denzel WashingtonObama’s campaign paid $345,353 for the 17-minute documentary on him by Oscar-winning director Davis Guggenheim.  It wouldn’t have cost so much if it didn’t star Denzel Washington as Obama and wasn’t shot in 3-D.
(The Real Story)  

 

pizzaUrology Associates of Cape Cod has a new promo.  Get a vasectomy there, and you’ll get a free large pizza with one topping afterwards while you recover.  Just be sure they know exactly what you’re talking about when you tell them how many slices you want.
(The Real Story)  

 

GallagherGallagher was hospitalized in TX after suffering a heart attack before he was supposed to perform.  If he gets hold of a hammer and starts heading for colostomy bags in the hospital, somebody should really stop him.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 15

Stiles Files for March 15, 2012

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filet mignonA study found eating a single serving of red meat per day may raise the risk of early death.  Meaning I don’t have to worry, because my meat is brown by the time I get through cooking it.
(The Real Story) 

 

Stephen HawkingStephen Hawking will guest-star on “The Big Bang Theory.”  CBS may use his brilliant mind while they have him to come up with a reason why “2 Broke Girls” is still on the air.
(The Real Story)  

 

RudolphA new high-speed railway in northern Sweden has already killed 200 reindeer in 3 months.  Locals call the train the “meat grinder.”  Thus ends the question of why Santa’s reindeer taught themselves how to fly.
(The Real Story)  

 

first baseAn LA area Little League can keep playing thanks to a $1,200 donation from a strip club near LAX airport.  The strippers feel a kinship with the players in that they both get a lot of singles.
(The Real Story)  

 

spring breakMyrtle Beach based Direct Air suspended all flights because they didn’t pay a fuel bill, leaving many spring break travelers stranded.  Clearly what’s needed is a hybrid jet that runs on fuel and stale beer.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 07

Stiles Files for March 7, 2012

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PinocchioNewly elected Egyptian Islamist lawmaker Anwar el-Balkimy was unceremoniously kicked out of his political party after it was revealed he got a nose job and lied about it.  Hm, that’s not the kind of job our politicians get kicked out of office for getting.
(The Real Story) 

 

The Deer HunterUniversal Pictures Stage Productions is developing a musical based on the 1978 film “National Lampoon’s Animal House.”  I will say it’s got peppier dance numbers than “The Deer Hunter – The Musical.”
(The Real Story)  

 

mom tattooThousands of tattoo devotees pack into a temple in Thailand for an annual festival to renew their tats’ magic.  Men scream while imitating the creatures tattooed on their bodies.  Attendees scream even louder at the annual tattoo removal festival.
(The Real Story)  

 

popcornJoshua Thompson of Detroit hates what theaters charge for concessions.  So he sued AMC to lower prices.  His lawyer says he got tired of being taken advantage of.  He’s also tired of sneaking in a thermos of his own melted popcorn butter in his pants.
(The Real Story) 

 

Uncle BubbaA woman’s suing Paula Deen and her brother for harassment.  She was GM at Uncle Bubba’s in Savannah and says Bubba had porn at work and visited porn sites in the kitchen.  And when the turkey baster came out, everybody ran.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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