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“Christmas in the Suburbs!”  Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

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Facebook says all those people campaigning to get a “dislike” button added to submitted updates, like the existing “like” button, can forget it.  They want to keep things positive.  There have even been scammers who claim to have a dislike button to download, but who are going after your private info.
*No surprise.  It took a year and half to get the “easy” button at Staples approved.
*Obviously, no one could be found that was passionate about an “indifferent” button.
*It’s Facebook.  There is no private info.

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Obama is on his first trip to China.  He’s not sure if he wants to bring up human rights, but will hold an American-style town hall discussion with Chinese university students.
*American-style except that any students with questions critical of China will mysteriously disappear for 3 semesters.
*Since China owns us now, Obama is known there more as the “Acting General Manager” of America.

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Britain and Australia apologized to thousands of British kids who were promised a better life overseas, only to suffer abuse and neglect.  Child migrant programs saw thousands of poor kids sent to former colonies until the 60’s.  Many ended up in institutions or were turned into farm hands.
*This is similar to the apology American will soon have to make to child actors at the Disney Channel.
*Most turned into donkeys until Pinocchio came along to save them.
*The apology was immediately followed up with advice that next time, they should book with Travelocity.

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Atlantis blasts off today, and for the first time, NASA last month invited its Twitter followers to sign up online for the chance to see a shuttle launch up close.  The 100 slots filled in less than 20 minutes.
*Plus all launch instructions have had to be simplified to 140 characters or less.
*A corn farm in Illinois also invited Farmtown users invitations to work on a real farm for 2 years, but so far, no takers.

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Bruce Springsteen yelled “Hello, Ohio!” to his fans at a recent concert.  Problem was, he was in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  In fact, he referred to Ohio several times until Steve Van Zandt finally told him where he was.  A visibly embarrassed Bruce said that’s “every front man’s nightmare.”
*He also kept referring to his band as “Dexys Midnight Runners” for some reason.
*That’s okay, even people who live near Detroit have a hard time admitting out loud that’s where they are.

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The apocalyptic “2012″ was number 1 at the box office, followed by “Disney’s A Christmas Carol,” then “The Men Who Stare at Goats.”
*Some theatres were surprised when many people walked out of “2012,” saying they already saw that story on Glenn Beck’s TV show.
*In “A Christmas Carol,” even the ghost of Christmas future said don’t bother, the world ends in 2012.

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A Phoenix high school librarian says a former student returned 2 overdue books about birds checked out 51 years ago, plus a $1,000 money order to cover the fines.  The money order was sent by someone who wanted to remain anonymous.  A letter explained the borrower’s family moved and the books were mistakenly packed.
*I think the fact the birds the books were about are extinct now should have at least gotten him a discount on the fine.
*They wanted to remain anonymous because they also kept a pair of safety goggles from the chemistry lab.

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A British scientist says she is Belle de Jour, the anonymous blogger whose tales of life as a prostitute were turned into books and a TV series.  Brooke Magnanti was afraid an ex-boyfriend would expose her.  She turned to the sex trade in 2003 while finishing her Ph.D.  She said her colleagues have been “amazingly supportive.”
*I bet they were supportive.  When you work in an industry where the hottest thing you see all day is a Bunsen burner, you don’t mind having a sex professional around.
*Everyone should have known the truth when she turned in her doctoral thesis and it was entitled “Just Leave the Money on the Nightstand.”

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A Vegas strip club agreed to stop a promotion involving hauling bikini-clad exotic dancers around in a truck with clear plastic sides.  It rolled for 13 nights, with strippers dancing around a pole luring customers to the club.  It worked, business was booming.
*Where are you supposed to put the dollar bills, up the exhaust pipe?
*The dancers being required by law to be seat-belted to the pole takes away from it a little, but it’s still effective.
*Imagine the shock to people who saw the plexiglass truck and thought it was the Popemobile.

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Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez said there are lots of fat people there and “advised” supporters to trim their waistlines.  He’s lost almost 20 pounds himself and says it’s made him “ready to continue commanding the Bolivarian Revolution,” the name he’s given his socialist takeover.
*The most effective fitness trainers are the ones who can have you carted away and killed if you don’t feel the burn.
*He’s moved on from wealth redistribution to weight redistribution.

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A 74-year-old LA man said to be the oldest graffiti vandal ever captured was arrested.  John Scott put stickers everywhere that read, “Who is John Scott?”  Cops think he was going for “fame and notoriety.”
*He wasn’t promoting himself.  He’s old and genuinely was trying to find out, “Who is John Scott?”
*Police knew it was the work of an older person because everything was spelled correctly.

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A Colombian cooking school has concocted a “love dessert” made with passion fruit and Viagra.  Student chefs won’t give out all the ingredients but say it contains the active ingredient in Viagra.  The pudding-like dessert is garnished with whipped cream and chocolate, and served in a parfait glass.  It’s had aphrodisiac effects on everybody who’s tried it.
*They started looking into using Viagra as an ingredient when they noticed it’s getting more and more difficult getting cakes to rise.
*If you enjoy your pudding for longer than 4 hours, please see a physician immediately.

©2009, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com