(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)
“Christmas in the Suburbs!” Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”! www.notoriousdadmusic.com
The Army will ban the media from covering Sarah Palin’s appearance at Fort Bragg, NC because they’re scared it will look like a lack of support for Barack Obama.
*Rumor is if they let cameras on the base, Obama’s going to make them drop and give him 50.
*Plus she’s going to be wearing this sexy little USO costume with a short skirt, and they’re worried that’ll be the next Newsweek cover.
UPS beat its peers, even the US Post Office, in the consumer shipping sector of the annual “Climate Counts” scorecard and was rated No. 11 among all 143 ranked companies. Companies are judged on their climate impact and corporate support of climate initiatives.
*UPS’s goal is to make their trucks as energy efficient and environmentally friendly as Fred Flintstone’s car.
*Well if the post office would let you recycle stamps like my Uncle got sent to prison for, they might have done better!
A federal judge turned down AT&T’s request to stop Verizon ads displaying maps comparing 3G wireless coverage. AT&T isn’t saying the maps aren’t accurate, they’re saying it gives the impression you can’t get service at all outside the 3G coverage area.
*Even worse for AT&T, Google Maps has now added a 3G view option along with the map and aerial tabs.
*Adding insult to injury, after the judge said no, he looked at the AT&T lawyers and said, “Can you hear me now?”
An FAA computer glitch caused widespread cancellations and delays for the second time in 15 months. Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY) said the country’s aviation system is “in shambles.”
*Industry experts don’t expect it to be long before the FAA is changed to the WTF.
*Apparently the system was hacked by some kids playing “Call of Duty,” and commercial airliners were ordered to stop dropping their payloads on Berlin.
The first county-by-county survey of obesity confirms people are fattest in the Southeast and Appalachia. Experts say those cultures embrace fatty, unhealthy foods and shun exercise.
*Um, by “embracing fatty foods,” does that mean going on a date with a pig?
*And yes, they count chopping vegetables as exercise.
A week after quitting CNN, Lou Dobbs is considering possible runs for the White House or US Senate. He’d run for Senate in NJ, where he has a home, or as a third-party candidate in the presidential elections.
*Well, Sarah Palin wants to be a talk show host, so why don’t they just do an even trade?
*Experts say he should probably try competing for something smaller first, like America’s Top Chef or something.
AOL will cut a third of its workforce, about 2,500 jobs, as part of their planned spin-off from Time Warner. When AOL disastrously merged with Time Warner in 2000, it was valued at $163 billion. Now it’s expected to be worth around $3 billion.
*The name change to “SOL” is imminent.
*It is kind of sad when AOL executives sit down at their desks and the “You’ve Got Mail” voice says “You’ve Got No Working Business Model!”
NY state’s top court ruled public officials can recognize out-of-state gay marriages. Governor David Paterson ordered all state agencies to recognize out-of-state gay marriages and has said he’d sign a gay marriage bill into law.
*Of course to recognize gay couples, the first thing you have to have is a pretty good gaydar.
*It’s Paterson’s understanding that gay marriages would shock and draw attention away from his straight affairs.
Hundreds of students demonstrated after University of California leaders approved a 32% hike in undergrad fees. That will cost students an extra $2,500 by next fall, a threefold increase in one decade.
*Cause really, there’s only so much blood and sperm you can sell to put yourself through college.
*It’s gotten so bad that members of the chess club have started bulking up so they can score a football scholarship and stay.
“Jon & Kate Plus 8″ ends Monday. In the final hour, Jon and Kate go on separate outings with the kids. And each newly single parent will reflect on what the future might hold. Their time slot will go to baker Buddy Valastro’s show “Cake Boss.”
*Separate outings yes, but both to their respective divorce attorneys offices.
*I can tell you what the future holds for Jon…maybe one more interview on Joy Bahar, then doing local cable ads for heating & air companies.
*Just to help us through the transition, could they call Buddy’s show “Eggs & Flour Make Cake”?
The Postal Service is dropping a popular program begun in 1954 in North Pole, Alaska where volunteers answer letters to Santa. Last year, a volunteer in Maryland was found to be a registered sex offender, a big enough scare to shut down the program.
*Apparently in the letters he wrote back to kids, he wanted something more left out for him than milk and cookies.
*The kids would sent Santa their Christmas lists on Twitter, but they can’t keep it to less than 140 characters.
A 2-year-old in north Mississippi helped his mom give birth to his brother on the living room couch. He caught the baby before firefighters arrived.
*Unfortunately, the toddler is not on the family’s preferred provider list so it’s not covered on their insurance.
*Well, I don’t know if changing channels to the Discovery Health channel so mom could watch births on TV counts as “helping.”
John Kerry’s daughter, Alexandra, was busted for DUI in LA. The 36-year-old film producer only blew a .06. The legal limit is .08 in California, but drivers under that can still be prosecuted for dangerous driving.
*Her dad got “swift-boated” and now she’s being “schnapps-boated”!
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