Mar 28

Stiles Files for March 28, 2012

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bunny rabbitHerman Cain’s new ad has a little girl flinging a bunny into the air with a catapult, where a man blasts it with a shotgun to show the frailty of small business.  After it aired, 5 women came forward claiming the rabbit hit on them at a convention.
(The Real Story) 

 

Dee-LiteAfter meeting with Russian President Dmitri Medvedev, Obama was caught on mic saying he’d have “more flexibility” to deal with missile defense after he’s re-elected.  Reporters also caught the two men singing Dee-Lite’s “Groove is in the Heart” on karaoke when they walked in.
(The Real Story) 

 

redneckFarmersOnly.com, a dating site just for farmers, has over 200,000 subscribers.  It’s a big help to singles in sparsely populated areas.  And a bigger help to animals who get nervous every time a lonely farm boy heads their way.
(The Real Story)

 

handshakeAn unemployed Austrian man sawed his foot off, apparently to avoid being found fit to go back to work.  The irony is, he’s a hand model and must report to work immediately.
(The Real Story) 

 

old coupleSpace Station astronauts had to jump into emergency escape pods due to the threat of space junk that missed by just 9 miles.  If you live within 9 miles of your parents, you know just how close that is.
(The Real Story)

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 06

Stiles Files for March 6, 2012

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St. Laurence O'TooleOfficials at a Cathedral in Dublin are confused over the theft of the preserved heart of St. Laurence O’Toole, patron saint of Dublin.  I think they should go back and check his horse-drawn cart license.  He agreed to be an organ donor.
(The Real Story) 

 

Dragon space capsuleThe private Dragon space capsule could head for the Space Station as early as next month as part of a $1.6 billion contract with NASA.  NASA is already suspicious the capsule will take a roundabout way so they can run up the meter.
(The Real Story)  

 

croissantA Frenchman took Google to court over a Street View photo showing him urinating in his front yard.  He says it made him the laughingstock of his village.  And thanks to headlines, he’s known all over Europe as “La Petite Croissant.”
(The Real Story)  

 

catTokyo has “cat cafes,” where you can relieve stress by petting a cat and having tea.  But changes to a law puts an 8pm curfew on the public display of cats and dogs.  Would the cats prefer working in Chinese cafes?  Didn’t think so.
(The Real Story)  

 

sheep4,600 sheep were picked for the 2012 World Sheep Shearing Competition in New Zealand.  Sheep outnumber humans 10 to 1 there.  And with that kind of ratio, no wonder the sheep want to look their best with a new haircut.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Aug 31

Stiles Files for August 31, 2011

celebrities, commentary, current events, humor, jokes, Uncategorized No Comments »
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The Blog Monologue

 

AstronautAstronauts may need to temporarily abandon the Space Station if last week’s Russian launch accident prevents new crews from flying.  Plus there’s that miserable feeling the last astronaut to leave has that they left the stove on.

 

Rosie O'DonnellThe children’s book, “Maggie Goes On a Diet,” is controversial, the story of an overweight 14-year-old.  Some parents want a boycott, saying it promotes eating disorders.  But it’s not nearly as controversial as the children’s book, “Rosie O’Donnell is Going to Eat Me.”

 

Richard SimmonsA Puerto Rico lawmaker resigned after explicit photos of him surfaced on an iPhone app for gays and bisexuals.  Sen. Roberto Arango says he took pictures of himself to document his recent weight loss…specifically for Richard Simmons.

 

polar bearA 16-year-old boy mauled by a polar bear in Norway says it chewed on his head.  The boy says he’s now rooting for global warming.

 

Joe JacksonMichael Jackson‘s kids and dad visited his boyhood home in Gary, IN.  The family moved from there to CA in 1969 after the Jackson 5 struck it big.  And, of course, after Joe struck the Jackson 5.

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

 

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC

www.mikestiles.com    @mikestiles

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Feb 20

Stiles Files for February 20, 2011

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(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

An IA high school wrestler favored to win his weight class defaulted on his first-round state tournament match rather than face one of the first girls to ever qualify for the event.  Most states require girls to wrestle boys.  Which adequately prepares them to one day be on Jerry Springer.

Experts say not enough people are taking the security of their smartphones seriously.  They suggest things like activating its password lock and making your password tougher.  What’s the use?  No matter what password I use, Watson the Jeopardy-playing computer will figure it out.

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission is finding out hiring discrimination against the unemployed is running rampant.  They won’t even talk to you if you’ve been out of work over 6 months.  Apparently skills such as History Channel watching, wearing a robe for 4 days straight and staring at phones that never ring aren’t widely sought after.

The Commerce Dept. says up to 1 in 10 Americans can’t get Internet connections fast enough for common tasks.  And just 4% of libraries have connections faster than 25mbs.  Those living in rural areas without broadband can go to www.stickyourheadoutthewindow andhollerattheyoungnsitsdinnertime.gov.

Lonely astronauts on the space station may soon get a talking humanoid robot from Japan.   It would monitor their health and provide astronauts with “comfort and companionship.”  Anyone will tell you, when there’s a woman up there, lonely astronauts can be all robot-arms.

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Aug 12

Stiles Files for August 12, 2010

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(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

2 ancient animal bones from Ethiopia show signs of butchering by human ancestors, moving back the first use of stone tools about 800,000 years.  And only 1 week after that time period came the first evidence of infomercials.

Spacewalking astronauts used brute force to remove a broken coolant pump to restore normal operations at the Space Station.  It’s the same kind of brute force that was needed to remove Buzz Aldrin from “Dancing With the Stars.”

A judge is considering whether a Pittsburgh man can legally change his name to Boomer the Dog.  Gary Mathews is a huge fan of the 80’s show “Here’s Boomer.”  He fell in love with the wrong TV show.  It would have been much easier to get his name changed to “Alf.”

Famed British music producer Mike Stock says, ‘The music industry has gone too far.  These days 99% of the charts is R&B, and 99% of that is soft pornography.”  Which recent CD release made him think that, “Girl What I’m Gonna Do To You Is Illegal in 12 States,” or “What I’m Gonna Do To You Would Make Nature Nauseous”?

While visiting Epcot, a PA woman alleges Donald Duck grabbed her breast and molested her when she asked for an autograph.  After the groping, Donald made gestures “indicating he had done something wrong.”  Oh, I guess we’re not going to talk about what the Bill Clinton animatron at the Hall of Presidents did to her, huh?

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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