Apr 21

IV bagA Vegas anesthesiologist offers a “cure” for hangovers in 45 minutes or less.  For $150, he connects you to an IV in his bus.  Great, but will he also stuff your pockets with the cash you lost at the tables the night before?
(The Real Story) 


 

Secret ServiceSpirit Airlines seized the Secret Service sex scandals as a marketing opportunity.  It’s a “More Bang For Your Buck!” sale on flights to Colombia.  You can even start a fight by refusing to pay, just like the real Secret Service!
(The Real Story)  


 

Chris ChristieNJ Gov. Chris Christie insists he was listening, not sleeping, during a recent Springsteen concert.  A fan caught a photo of him with his head back and eyes closed.  Maybe he was just picturing himself as Vice President.
(The Real Story)  


 

Young coupleYoung Americans aren’t that eager to get drivers’ licenses or drive.  Who needs a car when parents these days let them have sex right there in the house?
(The Real Story)  


 

Shanghai SurpriseMadonna wasn’t happy 15-year-old daughter Lourdes was photographed smoking outside her high school.  Give her a break.  It’s not as if she did a remake of “Shanghai Surprise” or anything.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

Tagged with:
Jan 12

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 funniest things on the web daily

 

Iranian rescueUS sailors rescued some Iranian fishermen for the 2nd time in less than a week.  5 days ago, 13 Iranian fishermen were saved from Somali pirates.  Are they shutting down the Strait of Hormuz by keeping us busy rescuing them?
(The Real Story) 


 

Disney castleA 7-year-old boy with cancer was granted his wish to blow up a massive grain silo in OH.  They were going to take him to Disney World, but he asking where Cindrella’s Castle’s structural weak points were.
(The Real Story) 


 

ScrewdriverA CA woman is suing the maker of Tropicana, saying it’s not “100% pure and natural” as claimed.  She says it’s put through extensive processing, and she demands her orange juice be pure and natural when she puts vodka in it.
(The Real Story) 


 

deep dish pizzaA study found nicotine-replacing gums and patches failed to help smokers who quit stay off cigarettes.  Likewise, duct taping a slice of deep-dish pizza to your back does not curb the desire the eat one.
(The Real Story)  


 

kd langk.d. lang is done with longtime girlfriend Jamie Price.  She’s dissolving their domestic partnership.  k.d. says it’s a very difficult time emotionally, but she fully expects to man up.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

Tagged with:
Nov 13

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

2panel_Insert“Christmas in the Suburbs!”  Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

________________________________________________________________________

hallebikiniOffices shared some of their most memorable suggestion box requests with Careerbuilder.com.  Among them: Beer in the vending machine.  Bikini Fridays.  Only require work during daylight because employee is scared of the dark.  Special smoking area for medical marijuana.  More time off to pursue side business as a clown
*You’re sure you want to institute Bikini Friday when there’s a risk Marge in accounting might take advantage of it?
*Beer in the break room wouldn’t be such an issue if people didn’t just stand there telling the vending machine all their problems.

________________________________________________________________________

A study warns 9 states are barreling toward economic disaster like California.  That could mean higher taxes, accelerated layoffs of government employees, overcrowded classrooms and fewer services.  The states are AZ, FL, IL, MI, NV, NJ, OR, RI and WI.
*When we’re thinking about giving land back to the Native Americans, you know the economy’s wrecked.
*You’d think we could bring back Wisconsin by getting that free government cheese program going again.

________________________________________________________________________

heavymetalPeru’s Requelme Abanto had 1.5 pounds of metal removed from his stomach, including nails, coins, rusted copper wire and scrap metal.  The 26-year-old construction worker ate metal for months and said now he may do it in public.  He’s getting a mental health exam.
*So when doctors tell patients they’re not getting enough iron, they should really take the time to make sure the patient fully understands what they mean.
*Well that explains why at restaurants he always asks for a toolbox instead of a doggie bag.

________________________________________________________________________

A United Airlines pilot was arrested at Heathrow Airport on suspicion of being drunk right before he was about to fly from London to Chicago.  51-year-old Erwin Washington of Lakewood, Colorado was about to take the lives of 124 passengers and 11 crew in his hands.
*Passengers got suspicious when he got on the intercom for the preflight announcements, started crying and telling everyone how much he loved them.
*Washington was found sitting in a photo booth at the airport cursing because he couldn’t find the jet’s controls.

________________________________________________________________________

osmondThe Mormon Church for the first time supported gay rights legislation, gaining unanimous approval for Salt Lake City laws banning discrimination against gays in housing and employment.  They’re still opposed to gay marriage.  In Utah, over 80% of lawmakers plus the governor are church members.
*It was at that moment that for the first time, Merrill and Jimmy Osmond saw each other in a whole new light.
*Apparently there’s a growing issue of finding straight males who want to sing in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

________________________________________________________________________

Nov. 18 the California Energy Commission will vote on a proposal that would force retailers by 2011 to limit sales of TV sets to those that consume a third less power than they do today.  If passed, the best deals in home theater HDTVs will disappear from shelves.
*Couldn’t we save even more energy if we just turned it off when the 7 shows worth watching aren’t on?
*Okay, but if they’re pushing solar TV’s on us they’re really gonna have to work on that screen glare thing.

________________________________________________________________________

celineCeline Dion isn’t pregnant after all.  Her doctor initially confirmed a pregnancy in August through in vitro fertilization.  When that got out, Celine confirmed it.  But a day later, she found out the embryo had not been implanted successfully.
*Celine had pigged out on a whole walnut that day, felt full and misinterpreted it as a pregnancy.
*Pretty disappointing considering it cost $85 per ticket to hear her announcement.

________________________________________________________________________

Atlanta zookeepers and researchers got a western lowland gorilla named Ozzie to voluntarily get his blood pressure taken by a machine called the Gorilla Tough Cuff.  It’s the first time a gorilla has ever voluntarily had its blood pressure taken in any zoo.
*Prior to this, handlers had to trick gorillas into going to Rite-Aid and using the free blood pressure machines there.
*Ozzie is expected to ignore the doctor’s advice of cut back on the smoking and try to swing on more tires.

________________________________________________________________________

beanA dating web site says Britons are among the ugliest people in the world.  Fewer than 1 in 8 British men and just 3 in 20 women who applied to BeautifulPeople.com were accepted.  Swedish men were most successful, with 65% being accepted, while Norwegian women are considered the most beautiful with 76% accepted.  Potential members apply with a photo, then existing members of the opposite sex vote on whether or not to admit them.
*Keep in mind, Briton is a country where Harry Potter is considered a “stud.”
*Those who are rejected get referred to Reallynicepersonality.com

________________________________________________________________________

Millionaires down on their luck have a place to sell yachts, Ferraris and jewels.  BillionaireXchange says “we’re seeing people who need to trade out or trade down from some of their luxury items and facilitate that discreetly so they don’t have to deal with the embarrassment of downgrade.”  Members must have a minimum $2 million in verifiable net worth.
*And by “downgrade,” they mean the utter shame of having a high-end Mercedes.
*Prior to this, they had to set their Ferraris and jewels out with the stairmaster and “As Seen on TV” kitchen appliances in their regular yard sales.

________________________________________________________________________

greennbcNBC dedicates next week to spreading environmental messages on 5 of its prime-time shows.  Al Gore has a cameo on “30 Rock.”  You’ll also get the global warming routine on “Biggest Loser,” “The Office,” “Heroes” and “Community.”  Even hosts on NBC-owned Weather Channel will tell viewers to turn down their thermostats.
*In fact, the only green NBC won’t see during the week are profits, as usual.
*No one is questioning NBC’s commitment to the environment, especially the way they’re recycling Jay Leno.

________________________________________________________________________

TLC lawyers are watching lots of TV these days, keeping tabs on Jon Gosselin’s appearances so they can run a tab on how much money he’s making.  TLC goes to court next month asking for an order prohibiting Jon from doing appearances without TLC’s prior approval.
*Among noted appearances, Jon’s guest slot on Sesame Street where he and the Count counted how many kids he’s exploited.
*Jon was telling everyone about what life with Kate was like.  It’s the only time anyone’s heard Oscar the Grouch say “Please…keep that woman away from me!”

©2009, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

Tagged with:
preload preload preload