Apr 26

Hunger GamesA new survey of young people shows that while they think Obama is going to win in November, he isn’t nearly as popular with them as he used to be.  Guess he should have taken that role in “The Hunger Games” he was offered.
(The Real Story) 


 

chessGOP IA Sen. Chuck Grassley wonders if the prostitutes in the Secret Service scandal were Russian spies.  He said, “Russians are famous for that to get information.”  They’re also famous for kicking our ass at chess, but that doesn’t mean we have to be paranoid about it.
(The Real Story)  


 

The ThinkerA think tank says Maine is the most peaceful state, and Louisiana is the least.  Think tanks regularly seek out the most peaceful states so they can think.
(The Real Story)  


 

flamethrowerA VA man and his wife are recovering after he accidentally shot himself and her during a firearms safety class.  That’s especially bad news since their flamethrower safety class is next week.
(The Real Story)  


 

Rocky MarcianoRosie O’Donnell says Lindsay Lohan is not capable of playing Liz Taylor in her biopic.  Hey, nobody said bad things about Rosie when she was up to star as boxer Rocky Marciano in his biopic.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 28

bunny rabbitHerman Cain’s new ad has a little girl flinging a bunny into the air with a catapult, where a man blasts it with a shotgun to show the frailty of small business.  After it aired, 5 women came forward claiming the rabbit hit on them at a convention.
(The Real Story) 


 

Dee-LiteAfter meeting with Russian President Dmitri Medvedev, Obama was caught on mic saying he’d have “more flexibility” to deal with missile defense after he’s re-elected.  Reporters also caught the two men singing Dee-Lite’s “Groove is in the Heart” on karaoke when they walked in.
(The Real Story) 


 

redneckFarmersOnly.com, a dating site just for farmers, has over 200,000 subscribers.  It’s a big help to singles in sparsely populated areas.  And a bigger help to animals who get nervous every time a lonely farm boy heads their way.
(The Real Story)


 

handshakeAn unemployed Austrian man sawed his foot off, apparently to avoid being found fit to go back to work.  The irony is, he’s a hand model and must report to work immediately.
(The Real Story) 


 

old coupleSpace Station astronauts had to jump into emergency escape pods due to the threat of space junk that missed by just 9 miles.  If you live within 9 miles of your parents, you know just how close that is.
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 16

Bridget JonesObama and British Prime Minister David Cameron agreed on the plan to withdraw forces from Afghanistan by 2014 and keep pressure on Iran over its nuclear program.  They also agreed there shouldn’t be any more Bridget Jones movies.
(The Real Story) 


 

Home ImprovementPrince Harry says sometimes he and Prince William wish they were just normal instead of royals.  If he wants to be completely ignored, maybe he should disguise himself as one of the child actors from “Home Improvement.”
(The Real Story) 


 

mammothSouth Korean and Russian scientists are planning to bring the woolly mammoth back to life using an elephant egg.  What you’re left with is a mammal that’s terrified of mice but can at least stab them through the heart with their tusks.
(The Real Story)  


 

cowDairy cows everywhere are mourning the loss of “Jocko,” the world’s 3rd most-potent breeding bull.  He left behind as many as 400,000 kids after a 17-year career.  Jocko’s favorite move was “the milkshake.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Mary Todd LincolnBobblehead dolls of Abe Lincoln assassin John Wilkes Booth have been pulled from the Gettysburg visitor’s center bookstore as being inappropriate.  Guess the Mary Todd Lincoln “Wacky Taffy” isn’t going over well either, huh?
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 16

Tom BradyAll the remaining candidates can tout first place finishes in at least one state, except for Ron Paul.  Despite heavy investment in caucus states, he has yet to win one.  That’s okay.  Tom Brady can’t come in first anymore but he still keeps trying too.
(The Real Story) 


 

TwinkieWorkers at Hostess, maker of Twinkies, Ho Hos and Wonder Bread, have threatened to strike if the company imposes “unfair” contract terms like wage cuts.  Most workers are rejecting “all the cream filling you want” as part of their official compensation package.
(The Real Story)  


 

OprahOprah got in trouble with ratings company Nielsen for specifically encouraging Nielsen families to watch her new interview show on OWN.  Obviously it was also wrong of her to offer free cars to every Nielsen family who watched too.
(The Real Story)  


 

WD-40Director Michael Bay plans a 4th installment in “Transformers.”  This one is going to have lots of obvious product placement in it…mostly WD40.
(The Real Story)  


 

Robin WilliamsLast week, a video surfaced claiming to show a live woolly mammoth crossing a river in Russia.  It became an Internet sensation, but turned out to be a hoax.  Turns out it was just a Robin Williams movie.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Nov 16

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 Funniest Things on the Web Daily

 

KardashianNBA players rejected the league’s latest offer, likely jeopardizing the season.  Not surprising they turned it down since part of the league’s offer was all players get to eventually marry a Kardashian.
(The Real Story)


 

Abraham LincolnChelsea Clinton will work for NBC News as a “special correspondent.”  Jenna Bush Hager, daughter of George W., has been a “Today” show correspondent since 2009.  And don’t forget the new Saturday morning animated show on NBC featuring those wacky Lincoln boys!
(The Real Story)


 

Casey AnthonyTim McGraw and Kenny Chesney are joining forces on a stadiums-only tour next summer.  It should do much better than the Casey Anthony/Kate Gosselin comedy tour.
(The Real Story)


 

croquetRussia plans to buy 10,000 badminton rackets and tens of thousands of shuttlecocks for their military next year.  They say badminton uses the same muscles as throwing grenades.  But it’s not going to help them when some breakaway Russian Republic comes at them with croquet mallets.
(The Real Story)


 

roadA San Jose man found $500,000 worth of cocaine jammed in the door panels of a used minivan he’d just bought.  He suspected something was up when the van left an additional white center line as it went down the road.
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Nov 10

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 Funniest Things on the Web Daily

 

PropofolThe UN nuke watchdog says Iran has worked on developing an atomic bomb design and may still be doing research on it.  They’re also secretly trying to develop a safer sleeping drug for celebrities than Propofol.
(The Real Story)


 

KindleTo make voting easier for the elderly and disabled, 5 counties in OR can cast their votes on iPads.  There hasn’t been news this big since they announced you can download Obama’s teleprompter in advance to your Kindle.
(The Real Story)


 

Occupy Wall StreetA Japanese company has a new robot exo-skeleton that aims to speed up the cleanup at Fukushima.  If it works there, they may use it to clean out the Occupy Wall Street campsite.
(The Real Story)


 

Norman BatesRussian police arrested a man for digging up 29 corpses and dressing the remains in female clothing to display around his house.  Hey, it’s better than back in the Soviet days when you had to wait in a really long line to dig up corpses.
(The Real Story)


 

SnickersCandy Spelling, wife of producer Aaron Spelling, won $90,000 on the slots in Vegas.  In 2007, she won $200k, and in 2008, she won $180k.  And she won a car in a charity raffle a few years ago.  In a related story, a homeless person found a Snicker’s wrapper, but it was empty.
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Sep 27

The Blog Monologue

 

Tito JacksonSuffering from insomnia, Michael Jackson would often call for his “milk,” which was his term for the anesthetic Propofol.  He should have done what Tito does when he can’t sleep, eat 2 whole turkeys.


 

Steve IrwinDiana Nyad ended her swim from Cuba to Florida when medics warned another painful sting from a Portuguese Man o’ War could be life threatening.  They warned her by holding up a giant picture of Steve Irwin.


 

Adam LambertVladimir Putin’s decision to reclaim the presidency next year means he could rule Russia until at least 2024.  Not since Adam Lambert won American Idol has an outcome been so easily predictable.


 

construction workerResearch shows formerly famous musicians don’t always stay in the business.  For instance Karl Green of Herman’s Hermits is a tile setter.  Doug Ingle of Iron Butterfly paints houses.  Fortunately, all these guys have plenty of former pro athletes to keep them company.


 

church ladyA small-town judge in AL is giving non-violent offenders a choice: go to jail or to church for a year.  The judge means well, but it’s often really hard to not fall in with one of those church gangs.


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

 

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC

www.mikestiles.com    @mikestiles

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Aug 31

The Blog Monologue

 

AstronautAstronauts may need to temporarily abandon the Space Station if last week’s Russian launch accident prevents new crews from flying.  Plus there’s that miserable feeling the last astronaut to leave has that they left the stove on.


 

Rosie O'DonnellThe children’s book, “Maggie Goes On a Diet,” is controversial, the story of an overweight 14-year-old.  Some parents want a boycott, saying it promotes eating disorders.  But it’s not nearly as controversial as the children’s book, “Rosie O’Donnell is Going to Eat Me.”


 

Richard SimmonsA Puerto Rico lawmaker resigned after explicit photos of him surfaced on an iPhone app for gays and bisexuals.  Sen. Roberto Arango says he took pictures of himself to document his recent weight loss…specifically for Richard Simmons.


 

polar bearA 16-year-old boy mauled by a polar bear in Norway says it chewed on his head.  The boy says he’s now rooting for global warming.


 

Joe JacksonMichael Jackson‘s kids and dad visited his boyhood home in Gary, IN.  The family moved from there to CA in 1969 after the Jackson 5 struck it big.  And, of course, after Joe struck the Jackson 5.


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

 

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC

www.mikestiles.com    @mikestiles

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Mar 17

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

 

An Australian schoolgirl had to cancel her 16th birthday party after her Facebook invite went viral and close to 200,000 people said they’d show up at her house, which would be enough people to make former Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak leave.


 

13 years after INXS frontman Michael Hutchence died, they still haven’t found a replacement.  An unknown Canadian who won their reality show remains their first choice.  But he’s had drug problems and there’s a large age difference.  In fact, for the first 4 months he thought they were the Spin Doctors.


 

North Korea will host a “new form” of magic show in which an aircraft, a bus full of passengers and an elephant will disappear.  It’s North Korea.  They’ll make the elephant disappear by eating it.  The bus and airplane will disappear when the driver and pilot escape to seek political asylum.


 

Wildwood, MO is one step closer to requiring a prescription for cold medicines used to make meth.  Cold and sinus pills containing Pseudoephedrine would move behind the counter.  It’s the “coughing, sneezing, teeth rotting out of your head, open sores on your skin and hair falling out so you can pass out and set yourself on fire” medicine.


 

Anti-terrorist bomb squad experts were called to a post office in Russia to check a package with a strange ticking sound.  They found a vibrator.  You’d think the name of the item, “Love Comrade,” printed right there on the box would have given them a clue.


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Jul 08

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

Word emerged of a scheme to swap the Russian spies we just caught for a Russian who passed secrets to us plus some others. The spies contemplated holding an hour-long ESPN special to announce where they’re going to wind up.


The summer “American Idol” tour is being cut short, with 8 shows canceled. This to make sure venues are available for the upcoming “Jersey Shore on Ice” tour.


Sweden’s Feminist party burned a pile of bank notes worth $13,010 on a grill to protest wage disparities between men and women. Kinda put a damper on the spirit of the day when they had to get a man to light the barbecue, but still…


In Memphis, a funnel cake and cotton candy maker was almost arrested for bank robbery because she was wearing the same thing as the robber. Of course, everyone in town knows the cotton candy maker’s got sticky fingers.


A New Zealand researcher says fish can “talk” to each other, communicating with grunts, chirps and pops made by vibrating their swim bladder in order to attract a mate. For humans, using your strong bladder to impress a mate only works after age 87.


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”! www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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