Mar 03

Stiles Files for March 3, 2012

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roller coasterA London theme park will debut a new winged coaster, even though test runs resulted in test dummies getting their arms and legs ripped off.  Fighter pilots describe it as “gut-wrenching.”  Maybe our roller coasters should be unmanned like our aerial drones.
(The Real Story) 

 

girdleThe last madam of the TX brothel that inspired “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas” died at 84.  Edna Chadwell started in 1952 and was never ashamed of what she did.  Except for that one time in 1964 when her girdle snapped and the buckle put a patron’s eye out.
(The Real Story)  

 

Levi JohnstonBristol Palin is the subject of a Lifetime reality series.  “Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp” will explore the pressures of raising her son, Tripp.  Hey that’s better than the show Tripp’s dad got on Spike, “Levi Johnston: Life is Tearing Tickets at a Movie Theater.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Veggie TalesStudents in London are using biodegradable materials to make luxury items.  There are stilettos made from pistachio shells, and clothes made of orange peel and fungi.  The good news is, even if you can’t get anywhere with a woman, her clothes will rot off if you wait long enough.
(The Real Story)  

 

Rick SantorumAn Albuquerque man successfully registered his dog to vote.  He made up a birth date, a social security number, and had a voter registration card in his hand in 2 weeks.  Wait ‘til the dog learns how opposed to spaying and neutering Rick Santorum is.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 01

Stiles Files for March 1, 2012

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Rick Santorum NASCARThe Rick Santorum-sponsored car in the Daytona 500 finished 19th, but was as high as 3rd place.  The Ron Paul team couldn’t understand why cars have to fight all the time and urged everyone to go to their garages and mind their own business.
(The Real Story) 

 

Dr. ZaiusA conservation group is testing out its “Apps for Apes” program, allowing orangutans to communicate with each other remotely via iPad’s video chat.  That has led to a whole dating site for orangutans called pickbugsoutofmyhair.com
(The Real Story)  

 

chickenKS officials banned an artist from publicly slaughtering chickens.  Amber Hansen wants to draw attention to the process of slaughtering animals.  You know how you call attention to slaughtered animals?  With a dinner bell.
(The Real Story)  

 

Stephen HawkingIt’s come out famed British physicist Stephen Hawking likes sex clubs.  He goes to a particular club in CA with an entourage of nurses, paying for private performances.  If he hired the right nurses, he wouldn’t need those clubs.
(The Real Story)  

 

babyA 2-year-old boy in Wichita unbuckled his seat belt, opened the car’s back door and fell out.  Mom didn’t even notice until she got home.  He’s fine, but mom shouldn’t have taken the doctor so literally when he told her she had a bouncing baby boy.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 24

Stiles Files for February 24, 2012

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Obama fiddlingBarack Obama sang again, this time during a concert featuring blues all-stars.  The President sang “Sweet Home Chicago.”  Hey, Nero fiddled while Rome burned…we just happen to have a singer.
(The Real Story) 

 

Jon LovitzRick Santorum stood by comments he made in 2008 about Satan attacking the US, warning the “Father of Lies” has his sights set on us.  Wow, he’s sure being rough on that balloon boy hoax dad.
(The Real Story)  

 

oceanScientists discovered a new type of alien planet, a steamy water world larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.  What would they invade us with, Super Soakers?
(The Real Story)  

 

Black SwanThere’s a booming business now in high-end pawn shops for people who are rich, but who have bad credit.  Customers include hedge-fund managers, bankers, lawyers, doctors and Oscar winners.  Wow, times sure got tough when it was announced there wouldn’t be a “Black Swan 2.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Osama bin LadenYazeed Mohammed Abunayyan made trouble on a Continental flight from Portland to Houston, singing about bin Laden and his hatred of women.  Yazeed’s tunes included “I’m Jihad and I Know It,” and “Moves Like Osama.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Biggest LoserNearly all remaining contestants on “Biggest Loser” walked off the show after a “twist” they say could hurt their shot at the money.  Producers were bringing back previous contestants.  Well, did they at least power walk out on the show?
(The Real Story)

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 17

Stiles Files for February 17, 2012

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triple bypass burgerA man had a heart attack after eating a “triple bypass burger” at the Heart Attack Grill in Vegas.  It’s not as if he overate, he told them to hold the lettuce.
(The Real Story) 

 

Ashton Kuther, Demi MoorePrince Will and Kate are getting a Barbie limited edition “William and Catherine Royal Wedding Gift Set.”  The series also featured Edward and Bella of “Twilight.”  The Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore set is fun too.  You get to separate them right out of the box.
(The Real Story)  

 

StarbucksStarbucks is facing allegations from a job applicant who claimed he was discriminated against because he has half an arm.  It’s believed he would have reminded customers coffee there costs an arm and a leg.
(The Real Story)  

 

ping pong paddleSusan Sarandon donated $75,000 to support Ping Pong in NYC public schools.  The money will pay for equipment and coaching.  That’s sure not what paddles were used for at my school.
(The Real Story)  

 

Dave MustaineDave Mustaine, leader of Megadeth, is a Rick Santorum supporter!  He says Obama’s not doing a good job.  Of course, he also thinks “Keystone Pipeline” was a band from Canada Obama wouldn’t let perform here.
(The Real Story) 

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 10

Stiles Files for February 10, 2012

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Ann RomneyRick Santorum stunned Mitt Romney, winning the Colorado and Minnesota caucuses, and Missouri’s nonbinding primary.  Mitt’s wife was caught on camera yelling, “Mitt can’t campaign for the [expletive] votes and [expletive] cast the votes!”
(The Real Story)

 

blood pressure machineSpermCheck, a male fertility test, will soon be in Walgreen’s and CVS.  Of course, it will be terribly awkward when guys mistake the free blood pressure check machine for the SpermCheck.
(The Real Story)

 

Gary BuseyGary Busey has filed for bankruptcy with less than $50,000 in assets.  And every movie studio in town has turned down his idea to make a sequel to “The Buddy Holly Story” where he comes back as a zombie.
(The Real Story)

 

Justice LeagueThe Model Alliance has been formed to make sure models aren’t mistreated.  Most evil masterminds would much rather be taken down by the Model Alliance than the Justice League.
(The Real Story)

 

carChicago must decide what to do about a vehicle sticker design containing gang symbols tied to the Maniac Latin Disciples.  It also doesn’t help that the slogan on car tags says, “This is My Ride Bitches!”
(The Real Story)

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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