May 10

nflAfter Pixar, Marvel and Star Wars, Disney CEO Bob Iger says they aren’t looking to buy another big media company. He then casually asked if anybody happened to know what the NFL is worth right now.


baconA 105-year-old TX woman revealed the secret to her long life, bacon. Pearl Cantrell eats it almost every day and has outlived 3 of her 7 kids, as well as her husband. And, of course, she outlived all those pigs.


hanksReader’s Digest put out their list of the most trusted people in America, and at the very top was Tom Hanks, whom I stopped trusting back when he chose to make “Joe vs. the Volcano.”


If you like it share it. That’s how social works.

 

©2013, The Stiles Company, LLC

@TheStilesFiles

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May 03

pilgrimScientists found the first solid evidence colonists at Jamestown survived by turning to cannibalism. I hope to God that’s not where the brand “Pilgrim’s Pride” got started.


promDozens of dressed up CA teens traveled 40 miles only to discover they weren’t told the date of the prom was moved. The theme of the prom was “A Magical Night 2 Weeks from Now.”


pinkfloydA MN man claiming to be a member of Pink Floyd racked up $100,000 in unpaid medical bills. Staff knew it wasn’t true because when you played his EKG backwards, you didn’t get any secret messages.


If you like it share it. That’s how social works.

 

©2013, The Stiles Company, LLC

@TheStilesFiles

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May 01

crackerbarrelYou’re one of those people that have no idea what you’re doing. And I mean that in a good way. With one little almost effortless spontaneous gesture, you wound up inspiring and teaching more people than you could have imagined in your wildest dreams. Last time I checked…almost a half a million people. I intend to make it more.

For those who don’t know, here’s what you did. You were with your family having breakfast at Cracker Barrel, I assume somewhere near Knoxville, TN, when you saw an older woman eating alone. You said you felt sorry for her, and your family told you to go say hello. I don’t know if they were kidding or they knew you’d do exactly that.

You not only said hello, but sat down and wound up having breakfast with her. You found out her name was Anita, that her husband died of dementia in August after 58 years of marriage, that her church friends are her only “family,” and that she likes Cracker Barrel because it’s easier than a lot of places to eat alone. When the meal was over, you exchanged phone numbers.

I wish I could tell you that someone being that loving, empathetic toward a total stranger, and taking the initiative to do something about it isn’t “news,” or isn’t a story worthy of going viral. But sadly, it is. And considering your young age, and that the person you reached out to was a senior…well that makes it all the more newsworthy given how our culture erases the elderly.

Hopefully you’ve heard of the Beatles. Well they have a song called Eleanor Rigby that asks, “all the lonely people, where do they all come from?” I’ll tell you where they come from. They come from haven fallen through the cracks in a hard world filled with hard people. If they’re noticed at all, they’re regarded “somebody else’s problem.” But mostly, they’re lonely because they’ve been made invisible. But you, you have eyes that truly see, and that makes you a real gem.

We’re bombarded daily with stories of human atrocity that come from dark hearts. I suppose most people find those more interesting than inspiring stories, so that’s why we’re fed a steady diet of it. Cumulatively, all of these dark heart success stories can make a society downright despondent. Our definition of “normal” shifts and is compromised. So much so that what you did becomes “abnormal.”

You Erika are a heart of light. Thank God you’re here to combat what the dark hearts bring. You made an old lady’s day. The waitress said you made the staff’s day. Your basic kindness has spread, inspired, and given hope, because basic kindness has fallen so by the wayside. I beg of you never to “mature” out of your current approach to life and people. We need you around to teach us.

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Apr 26

flashdanceThe stage adaptation of the 1983 movie “Flashdance” can’t find a Broadway theater.  However there is a woman in Times Square that will sit in a chair and let you dump a bucket of water on her for $5.


obamaObama says they told their girls if they ever got a tattoo, he and Michelle would get the same tattoo.  The girls plan to outsmart him by getting tattoos that say “The Sequester Was My Idea.”


koalaKoala numbers are plummeting in Australia due to chlamydia.  Hey, when a girl koala agrees to come over to your place for some eucalyptus leaves, you don’t take the time to ask her about her past.


If you like it share it.  That’s how social works.

 

©2013, The Stiles Company, LLC

@TheStilesFiles

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May 19

Lipizzaner StallionsA white Arabian horse got spooked at a beach near Santa Barbara and swam 2 miles out into the ocean.  If you think that’s something, you should see the Lipizzaner Stallions do their synchronized swimming routine.
(The Real Story) 


 

Taylor SwiftTaylor Swift is donating $4 million to the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum.  The only stipulation is she gets to open a permanent “ex-boyfriends I’m still pissed off at” exhibit.
(The Real Story)  


 

stripper67-year-old Robert White died after getting several lap dances at a TX strip club.  And believe me, if you’ve ever tried to do a lap dance to “Taps,” it’s not easy.
(The Real Story)  


 

alligatorA NC man was bitten on the arm trying to corral an alligator using…a towel.  Forget the towel.  The trick is to preoccupy the gator by making it try to fold a fitted sheet while you strap its mouth shut.
(The Real Story)  


 

Joe BidenBreitbart revealed a 1991 promo booklet by Obama’s then-literary agency touting that he was “born in Kenya.”  Come on, if he were born in Kenya, Joe Biden would have already blurted that out already.
(The Real Story)  


 

Don’t be selfish…make a habit of sharing this with your friends, many of whom could seriously use a laugh.

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 18

SkechersSkechers will pay $40 million to settle unfounded claims Shape-ups help people lose weight and strengthen muscles.  They can easily come up with the money thanks to their new line of Hook-ups, the shoe that’s guaranteed to get you sex.
(The Real Story) 


 

Jennifer AnistonThe adviser that vetted Sarah Palin for John McCain said even though they lost, he stands by a “high risk, high reward” philosophy.  He suggests Romney pick Jennifer Aniston.
(The Real Story)  


 

Free Willy350 lb. Bill Wisth is protesting a WI all-you-can-eat restaurant that cut him off after eating 12 fish.  They gave him 8 fish to go away, for a total of 20.  My God, Free Willy never ate that much fish.
(The Real Story)  


 

Stripper silhouettesTopless dancers at the Crazy Horse nightclub in Paris have gone on strike, saying they aren’t being paid enough.  And do you really want to go see replacement strippers when they’re called “scabs?”
(The Real Story)  


 

ambulanceA VA community is securing drug compartments in ambulances after a string of thefts of Versed, an anti-anxiety medication.  Apparently, trying to figure out why “ambulance” is written backward on the hood causes a lot of anxiety.
(The Real Story)  


 

Don’t be selfish…make a habit of sharing this with your friends, many of whom could seriously use a laugh.

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 17

George W. BushGeorge W. Bush endorsed Mitt Romney.  But sources doubt he’ll be out campaigning for him.  He did, however, put up a big “Missionary Accomplished” banner at his house.
(The Real Story) 


 

jet hit by lightningFrancois Hollande, who just took over as France’s president, had his plane get hit by lightning on the way to Berlin.  Socialist that he is, he publicly expressed regret that all other planes did not get equally hit by lightning.
(The Real Story)  


 

Henry KissingerHenry Kissinger was given the full pat down by the TSA at LaGuardia.  None of the agents knew who the 88-year-old former Secretary of State was.  He immediately started trying to negotiate a ceasefeelup.
(The Real Story)  


 

aerial droneA new type of “virtual colonoscopy” has been shown to be just as effective as standard tests, and you don’t have to prep with the laxative.  And if this method doesn’t do the trick, they’re going to start sending in aerial drones.
(The Real Story)  


 

Surgeon with scalpelA NY man had his friend shoot him in the leg with a rifle because he wanted to know what it felt like.  Could have been worse.  The conversation started out with the guy wondering how bad it hurt back when he was circumcised.
(The Real Story)  


 

Don’t be selfish…make a habit of sharing this with your friends, many of whom could seriously use a laugh.

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 16

cameraTurns out Kodak had a small nuclear research reactor in an underground facility.  Remember the old Kodak cameras?  A little smoke cloud would form a mushroom after the incredibly bright flash went off.
(The Real Story) 


 

janitor52-year-old Yugoslavian refugee Gac Filipaj was a janitor for 12 years at Columbia University so he could take free classes.  And now he’s graduated.  What he doesn’t know is janitors are more in demand and make more money than college grads.
(The Real Story)  


 

Pepto bismolA museum in Australia is featuring the “poo-machine.”  It mimics the human digestive system.  It’s fed twice a day and poops promptly at 2pm.  And what’s worse, because it has to perform all the time, it has a nervous stomach.
(The Real Story)  


 

Chitty Chitty Bang BangA 40-year-old CA man drove his Lexus through a cinder block wall and into a family’s backyard swimming pool.  Okay, there’s one guy who should never drink while he watches “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Tanning momTanning Mom dropped the hint she’d like to appear in Playboy, but Playboy is saying no thanks.  She did, however, book a role as an alligator on History Channel’s “Swamp People.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 15

Yahoo CEO Scott Thompson stepped down over mentions on his resume and in filings he has a computer science degree.  He doesn’t.  So I take it he didn’t co-write all the songs on Nirvana’s “Nevermind” album like he claimed either?
(The Real Story) 


 

BalockResearch shows changes in women’s brains during motherhood.  The size increases shortly after childbirth.  If that’s true, Octomom’s head should look Star Trek’s Balock by now.
(The Real Story)  


 

SnookiA reality show featuring Whitney Houston’s relatives is in the works.  It’ll focus on the family bonding together to heal.  It’s loosely based off a spinoff idea for Snooki, in which she struggles to heal and recover after she spills her drink.
(The Real Story)  


 

Ebony & Ivory2 were charged with extortion for trying to sell what they said was embarrassing info about Stevie Wonder.  I know the video to “Ebony & Ivory” is embarrassing, but it’s pretty much out there already.
(The Real Story)  


 

JagermeisterA drug known as “The Devil’s Breath” that eliminates free will and wipes the memory of its victims is becoming a big problem in Colombia.  Um, they already have that.  It’s called Jagermeister.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 12

Joe Biden, Barack ObamaJoe Biden apologized to Obama for jumping the gun on the public embrace of same-sex marriage and forcing Obama’s hand.  Obama said Biden “got out a little over his skis.”  I swear those two boys fight like an old married couple.
(The Real Story) 


 

Queen ElizabethPrince Charles delivered the weather report on the BBC.  He said it was almost as cold as the first time he took Diana to meet Queen Elizabeth.
(The Real Story) 


 

old baseball playersA 70-year-old virgin says she’s ready to get it on now, though her standards are still very high.  No one was able to get past first base with her because…well because baseball just hadn’t been around long enough.
(The Real Story) 


 

Demi MooreThis week’s Time magazine cover features a woman breastfeeding her 3-year-old son.  Though meant to be controversial, most people are ignoring it, thinking it’s just a picture of Demi Moore and her new boyfriend.
(The Real Story) 


 

F on a paperAbout 22 % of California’s 8th-graders passed a national science test, making the state worst in the nation.  School officials say just as sure as water is made up of hydrogen and oxiclean, they’re going to improve their science curriculum.
(The Real Story) 


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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