Mar 17

Stiles Files for March 17, 2012

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Nike black and tanA new Nike sneaker, the Black and Tan, is offending the Irish as that was the name of a brutal British suppression.  They say it’s “the American equivalent of calling a sneaker ‘the Al Qaeda.’”  I assume Al Qaeda shoes would be very hard to find.
(The Real Story) 

 

rocket launcherAmazingly, the TSA confiscate 4 handguns a day among the contraband it takes from airline customers.  But in all fairness, they need a gun in their carry-on in case the airline loses the rocket launcher in their checked baggage.
(The Real Story)  

 

Denzel WashingtonObama’s campaign paid $345,353 for the 17-minute documentary on him by Oscar-winning director Davis Guggenheim.  It wouldn’t have cost so much if it didn’t star Denzel Washington as Obama and wasn’t shot in 3-D.
(The Real Story)  

 

pizzaUrology Associates of Cape Cod has a new promo.  Get a vasectomy there, and you’ll get a free large pizza with one topping afterwards while you recover.  Just be sure they know exactly what you’re talking about when you tell them how many slices you want.
(The Real Story)  

 

GallagherGallagher was hospitalized in TX after suffering a heart attack before he was supposed to perform.  If he gets hold of a hammer and starts heading for colostomy bags in the hospital, somebody should really stop him.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 12

Stiles Files for January 12, 2012

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Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 funniest things on the web daily

 

Iranian rescueUS sailors rescued some Iranian fishermen for the 2nd time in less than a week.  5 days ago, 13 Iranian fishermen were saved from Somali pirates.  Are they shutting down the Strait of Hormuz by keeping us busy rescuing them?
(The Real Story) 

 

Disney castleA 7-year-old boy with cancer was granted his wish to blow up a massive grain silo in OH.  They were going to take him to Disney World, but he asking where Cindrella’s Castle’s structural weak points were.
(The Real Story) 

 

ScrewdriverA CA woman is suing the maker of Tropicana, saying it’s not “100% pure and natural” as claimed.  She says it’s put through extensive processing, and she demands her orange juice be pure and natural when she puts vodka in it.
(The Real Story) 

 

deep dish pizzaA study found nicotine-replacing gums and patches failed to help smokers who quit stay off cigarettes.  Likewise, duct taping a slice of deep-dish pizza to your back does not curb the desire the eat one.
(The Real Story)  

 

kd langk.d. lang is done with longtime girlfriend Jamie Price.  She’s dissolving their domestic partnership.  k.d. says it’s a very difficult time emotionally, but she fully expects to man up.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Nov 02

Stiles Files for November 2, 2011

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The Blog Monologue

 

Herman CainHerman Cain is grappling with sexual harassment charges from when he was head of the National Restaurant Assoc. in the 90s.  I don’t think “you need more meat on that” counts as harassment if you’re head of a pizza company.
(The Real Story)

BambiOfficials in the FL Everglades caught and killed a giant python that just swallowed an entire 76 lb. adult deer.  Okay, well there’s at least one way other than a fire for Bambi’s mom to die that would traumatize kids for generations.
(The Real Story)

OprahJoe Biden says he’s going to be Obama’s running mate.  But if he isn’t, a new poll shows people want Hillary.  Even Oprah’s on the list.  Which, if Oprah were VP, we’d be required by law to read the books she picks out for us.
(The Real Story)

Men Without HatsFormer Journey lead singer Steve Perry says despite renewed interest, a reunion probably ain’t gonna happen.  In a related story, all the members of “Men Without Hats” say they will reunite anywhere, for any reason, music-related or not.
(The Real Story)

RiceChinese researchers think they found a way to make large quantities of a blood protein from ordinary grains of rice.  And if you use the convenient boil-in-a-bag kind, you can hang it right up on the IV pole.
(The Real Story)

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @mikestiles

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Nov 01

Stiles Files for November 1, 2011

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The Blog Monologue

 

sunA prominent skeptic of global warming decided after 2 years that yeah, temperatures really are rising.  He found we’re 1.6 degrees hotter than in the 50s.  So really, that’s what made it easy for Fonzie to be so cool.
(The Real Story)

snowA freak October snow knocked out power to over 3 million across the Northeast.  Since leaves were still on trees, that led to limb breakage.  When you go to New England to watch the leaves change color, you don’t expecting that color to be white.
(The Real Story)

pizza2 managers of a Domino’s in Lake City, FL were charged with burning down a rival Papa John’s.  Sticking with Domino’s current advertising theme, the two men said, “Oh yes we did.”
(The Real Story)

catYouTube is adding some 100 channels and content creators, from Madonna to The Wall Street Journal, generating 25 hours of new original content daily.  Analysts wonder if there are enough piano-playing cats to keep up with demand.
(The Real Story)

Ellen DeGeneresEllen DeGeneres says when she came out in Hollywood, “I didn’t work.  No one would even talk to me on the phone.”  Not exactly true.  In fact ESPN2 out-and-out courted her to do color commentary for women’s softball coverage.
(The Real Story)

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @mikestiles

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Apr 08

Stiles Files for April 8, 2011

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(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

 

Gadhafi wrote a 3-page letter to Obama asking him to stop “an unjust war.”  However, he refers to Obama as “our son” and “excellency,” and says Libya is praying that he wins re-election.  The envelope was even perfumed with “Tyranny for Men.”

 

Dr. Conrad Murray’s lawyer says Michael Jackson was so anguished about his deteriorating finances he took desperate actions that caused his own death.  Usually desperate financial actions just involve calling 1-800-Titlemax, but Michael took things up a notch.

 

A KS woman known as “Bunny Lady” had a run-in with a TSA agent in Philly.  Val Baul showed the agent what was in the confetti-filled eggs by cracking one over her head.  She was cuffed and held 3 hours.  That’s nothing.  You should see what they did to the clown that came through earlier with a seltzer bottle.

 

Some angry parents in VA are demanding answers after their elementary school kids were allowed to feel a breast implant on Career Day.  A local plastic surgeon brought them as part of his presentation.  But nobody cares that the high schoolers were allowed to feel them after they’d been put in?

 

Physicists say data from an atom smasher may have revealed a potentially new force of nature.  It’s something beyond the “God Particle,” an elusive hypothetical particle they think could explain why objects have mass.  Any average citizen can tell you objects have mass because pizza and cake are so damned good.

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Nov 04

Stiles Files for November 4, 2010

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(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

CA Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger says welfare recipients can no longer use state-issued debit cards at medical marijuana shops, psychics and other businesses “inconsistent with the program.”  That’s really not fair.  If you can’t use welfare dollars to consult a psychic, how are you going to know what lottery numbers to play?

2 PA dentists are offering a candy buyback program to save the teeth of young trick-or-treaters.  They’ll pay $1 a pound and the candy will be sent to US troops in Afghanistan and Iraq.  Children, however, must really want to make sure our soldiers floss, because that’s what they’ve been bringing and dumping at the dentists’ door instead.

TV Land is reuniting Mary Tyler Moore with her 70’s sitcom sidekick Betty White.  She’ll guest star on the second-season premiere of White’s, “Hot in Cleveland.”  Mary agreed to do the show mostly because neither Rhoda nor Phyllis have TV shows right now.

As part of a series of events commemorating the 25th anniversary of its arrival in Japan, Domino’s is set to hire one lucky person to work part time for them at $31,030/hr.  Which is actually what Ted Kennedy was trying to get our minimum wage up to back when he was alive.

In case you didn’t hear, the SF Giants won the World Series.  But ratings were low, and Obama didn’t even call to congratulate the winning team.  Considering he did call Bret Michaels to congratulate him for scoring with Miley Cyrus’ mom, that’s a pretty big dis.

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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