May 11

Stiles Files for May 11, 2012

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GleeObama said he now supports same-sex marriage.  Somebody in the communications office is asleep at the wheel.  You always bring in the cast of “Glee” for an announcement like that.
(The Real Story) 

 

soldierAn 84-year-old PA man wounded a home invasion suspect with the gun he carried back when he was in the Korean War.  He did such a good job he rewarded himself with a 3-day pass to Seoul.
(The Real Story)  

 

jailIn the WV Democratic Presidential Primary, Keith Judd, or Inmate 11593-051 at a federal prison in TX, ran against Obama and got over 40% of the vote.  Pretty good considering his platform consisted only of “fewer beatings with a bar of soap in a towel.”
(The Real Story) 

 

Jonas BrothersBroadway’s “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying,” starring Nick Jonas, didn’t succeed.  It probably should have stuck with the original title, “How to Succeed Without the Other Two Jonas Brothers.”
(The Real Story)  

 

overloaded electrical outletA cash-strapped NY town cancelled Fourth of July fireworks.  Instead, they’re going to gather around and overload an electrical outlet.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 10

Stiles Files for May 10, 2012

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Six Million Dollar ManClaire Lomas finished the London Marathon after 16 days even though she hasn’t been able to feel her legs for 5 years.  She did it in a $75,000 bionic suit.  Boy, if that’s as fast as the Six Million Dollar Man moved, he’d have never won that fight with Bigfoot.
(The Real Story) 

 

Fruit of the Loom guysUsing a double agent, the CIA thwarted a plot by al-Qaida’s affiliate in Yemen to destroy a US-bound airliner with an underwear bomb.  Double agent meaning what, he wore both Fruit of the Looms and Hanes?
(The Real Story)

 

TootsieA man who had a cardiac arrest while jogging in London’s Hyde Park says Dustin Hoffman saved his life.  Well, it wasn’t Dustin Hoffman.  It was a woman who looked like Tootsie, but nobody wants to disappoint the guy.
(The Real Story) 

 

ambulanceOklahoma City cops arrested a 72-year-old man for allegedly calling 911 to talk about sex.  Yeah, but most of the time a 72-year-old man thinks about sex, he’s going to need an ambulance, so it’s a legitimate call.
(The Real Story)

 

Backstreet BoysMichael Jackson’s former bodyguard claims Jacko was a paranoid maniac who ordered members of his inner circle to kill older brother Randy to stop a Jackson 5 reunion tour.  Such a shame Michael didn’t live…to stop the Backstreet Boys reunion.
(The Real Story) 

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 28

Stiles Files for April 28, 2012

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Deion SandersGregg Miller sells testicular implants for dogs called Neuticles.  He says they know something’s missing when they’ve been neutered.  Great.  Given how his wife’s been treating him, does he have anything for Deion Sanders?
(The Real Story) 

 

Acme missileAnalysts say 6 new North Korean missiles shown at a military parade are fakes.  Not even good ones.  The giant fuses that trail out of the backs and the word “Acme” painted on the sides isn’t very convincing.
(The Real Story)  

 

Cookie MonsterThe National Endowment for the Arts awarded much smaller grants to established PBS programs this year.  Things are so bad, “Sesame Street” is only brought to you by a letter, not a letter and a number.
(The Real Story) 

 

Sun ChipsA Swiss woman starved to death after embarking on a spiritual diet that required her to stop eating or drinking and live off sunlight alone.  She misread the diet.  You’re supposed to survive on nothing but Sun Chips.
(The Real Story)  

 

Barbara BushFormer President George H.W. Bush told his story for an HBO documentary.  Producers agreed to do it only under the condition Barbara later portray George Washington in an HBO biopic.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 27

Stiles Files for April 27, 2012

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ForeignerFormer “Real Housewives” and alleged White House party crasher star Tareq Salahi is running for governor of VA.  His wife Michaele ran off with one of the guys in Journey.  Members of Foreigner are excited to see if these means any cute statehouse interns for them.
(The Real Story) 

 

old manJurors in NY watched footage of a man who allegedly dressed up as his dead mother for 6 years to cash her Social Security checks.  The only time it was awkward was when the old fella she was dating showed up wanting to watch TV and cuddle.
(The Real Story) 

 

Bubba WatsonA gray whale found dead in Puget Sound had a golf ball in its stomach.  After watching the Master’s, it would come as no surprise to me whatsoever that Bubba Watson could make that shot.
(The Real Story)  

 

Donald TrumpDonald Trump appeared before Scotland’s parliament to demand they end plans for an offshore wind farm.  Mostly because they tend to muss his hair.
(The Real Story)  

 

Tim TebowJets QB Tim Tebow has maintained that he’s a virgin.  So AshleyMadison.com is offering $1 million to any woman who can prove she’s slept with him.  That’s odd.  It sure looked like he got screwed by the Broncos to me.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 21

Stiles Files for April 21, 2012

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IV bagA Vegas anesthesiologist offers a “cure” for hangovers in 45 minutes or less.  For $150, he connects you to an IV in his bus.  Great, but will he also stuff your pockets with the cash you lost at the tables the night before?
(The Real Story) 

 

Secret ServiceSpirit Airlines seized the Secret Service sex scandals as a marketing opportunity.  It’s a “More Bang For Your Buck!” sale on flights to Colombia.  You can even start a fight by refusing to pay, just like the real Secret Service!
(The Real Story)  

 

Chris ChristieNJ Gov. Chris Christie insists he was listening, not sleeping, during a recent Springsteen concert.  A fan caught a photo of him with his head back and eyes closed.  Maybe he was just picturing himself as Vice President.
(The Real Story)  

 

Young coupleYoung Americans aren’t that eager to get drivers’ licenses or drive.  Who needs a car when parents these days let them have sex right there in the house?
(The Real Story)  

 

Shanghai SurpriseMadonna wasn’t happy 15-year-old daughter Lourdes was photographed smoking outside her high school.  Give her a break.  It’s not as if she did a remake of “Shanghai Surprise” or anything.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 19

The Stiles Files for April 19, 2012

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GSAThe Secret Service officials accused of misconduct in Colombia bragged about working for Obama, drank expensive whiskey and ordered the most expensive prostitutes available.  Where do they think they work, the GSA?
(The Real Story) 

 

tortoiseNewt Gingrich got bit by a penguin at the Saint Louis Zoo.  In 1995, he was bitten on the chin by a baby cougar.  If he wants to stop getting bit by animals, he needs to stop referring to himself as the tortoise in this race.
(The Real Story)  

 

Daphne Selfe83-year-old model Daphne Selfe is still working.  She started back in the 1950′s when you could wear fur and smoke.  At that age, you’re looking for a casting couch just so you can get off your feet.
(The Real Story)  

 

NFLLast year, almost 1,800 people renounced their US citizenship, a record number.  You renounce your American citizenship, of course, by publicly stating you don’t like football.
(The Real Story) 

 

Cops“The Bachelor” is getting sued by 2 black plaintiffs who were pulled aside and left out of the normal audition process.  Even more insulting, they sent them down the hall to audition for “Cops.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 05

Stiles Files for April 5, 2012

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Mitt RomneyThe website Fiverr lets you offer a service for $5 and see how many people are willing to pay you for it.  Mitt Romney has a similar site called “250millionerr.”
(The Real Story) 

 

FramVilleA MI teacher’s aide was fired for refusing to hand over her Facebook password.  She finally made a deal.  She’ll give them the password, but they have to agree to get all her FarmVille updates.
(The Real Story)  

 

Jenna talackovaJenna Talackova, the beauty queen who used to be a dude, will be allowed to continue her quest to be Miss Universe Canada.  If nothing else, she’ll be the first contestant whose talent is gutting a deer.
(The Real Story)  

 

ice cream boySome NY area parents are demanding ice cream vendors leave the area to avoid tantrums from kids.  The best strategy is to let kids have all they want until they’re too obese to catch the truck.
(The Real Story)  

 

Kate WinsletDays after revealing the theme from “Titanic” makes her want to throw up, Kate Winslet said Leo DiCaprio is “fatter now.”  I bet next time Leo sketches her naked, he’s going to give her a monkey tail and devil horns.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 03

Stiles Files for April 3, 2012

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UK victory riotPolice pepper sprayed fans who swarmed the streets near UK, overturning cars and burning couches after beating Louisville in the Final Four.  Fans even organized themselves into brackets to see who the last one arrested would be.
(The Real Story) 

 

Osama bin LadenOne of his wives says Osama bin Laden actually had 5 safe houses, all inside Pakistan.  He would often say, “Hey, how many great Satans does a guy have to bring to its knees to get a little AC around here?!”
(The Real Story)  

 

electric meterSaturday, millions all over the globe turned their lights off for an hour in honor of Earth Hour.  We celebrate it all the time.  It’s called not paying our electric bill.
(The Real Story)  

 

tornadoSome weather offices are testing using words like “mass devastation,” ”unsurvivable” and “catastrophic” in new tornado warnings to get people to pay more attention.  There’s also one called “This tornado’s about to go all Alabama on your ass.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Sarah PalinNBC announced Sarah Palin will co-host “Today” Tuesday.  It’s also expected to be the first time “Today” has ever had a bear-skinning segment.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 28

Stiles Files for March 28, 2012

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bunny rabbitHerman Cain’s new ad has a little girl flinging a bunny into the air with a catapult, where a man blasts it with a shotgun to show the frailty of small business.  After it aired, 5 women came forward claiming the rabbit hit on them at a convention.
(The Real Story) 

 

Dee-LiteAfter meeting with Russian President Dmitri Medvedev, Obama was caught on mic saying he’d have “more flexibility” to deal with missile defense after he’s re-elected.  Reporters also caught the two men singing Dee-Lite’s “Groove is in the Heart” on karaoke when they walked in.
(The Real Story) 

 

redneckFarmersOnly.com, a dating site just for farmers, has over 200,000 subscribers.  It’s a big help to singles in sparsely populated areas.  And a bigger help to animals who get nervous every time a lonely farm boy heads their way.
(The Real Story)

 

handshakeAn unemployed Austrian man sawed his foot off, apparently to avoid being found fit to go back to work.  The irony is, he’s a hand model and must report to work immediately.
(The Real Story) 

 

old coupleSpace Station astronauts had to jump into emergency escape pods due to the threat of space junk that missed by just 9 miles.  If you live within 9 miles of your parents, you know just how close that is.
(The Real Story)

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 10

Stiles Files for March 10, 2012

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Ann RomneyIn a failed attempt to honor his wife, Mitt Romney told an OH crowd, “I’ll introduce to you the heavyweight champion of my life.”  He went on to fumble, “I don’t mean weight.”  Not as bad as last month when he introduced her as “Daddy’s little Mormon baby machine.”
(The Real Story) 

 

Richard CodeyA fake beard & tattoo, and clothes stained with grass and coffee helped turn former NJ Gov. Richard Codey into a homeless man looking for shelter.  The tattoo was a little bit of a giveaway.  It read “Born to Pass State Legislation.”
(The Real Story)  

 

spring breakTX is warning “Spring Breakers” to avoid Mexico due to the drug-related violence.  The flaw being, officials are making the assumption college students know where Mexico is.
(The Real Story)  

 

Chitty Chitty Bang BangChitty Chitty Bang Bang is back.  It’s in the hands of a noted English children’s author but no word on the plot yet.  It probably involves the car being recalled because it doesn’t get the proper mileage on the water required by the British government.
(The Real Story)  

 

grinParents in CA were invited to a school board meeting to express outrage after a middle school teacher was caught featured in hardcore porn.  However, not a single parent showed up.  Well, unless you count the dads that hung around outside for an autograph.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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