Apr 28

Deion SandersGregg Miller sells testicular implants for dogs called Neuticles.  He says they know something’s missing when they’ve been neutered.  Great.  Given how his wife’s been treating him, does he have anything for Deion Sanders?
(The Real Story) 


 

Acme missileAnalysts say 6 new North Korean missiles shown at a military parade are fakes.  Not even good ones.  The giant fuses that trail out of the backs and the word “Acme” painted on the sides isn’t very convincing.
(The Real Story)  


 

Cookie MonsterThe National Endowment for the Arts awarded much smaller grants to established PBS programs this year.  Things are so bad, “Sesame Street” is only brought to you by a letter, not a letter and a number.
(The Real Story) 


 

Sun ChipsA Swiss woman starved to death after embarking on a spiritual diet that required her to stop eating or drinking and live off sunlight alone.  She misread the diet.  You’re supposed to survive on nothing but Sun Chips.
(The Real Story)  


 

Barbara BushFormer President George H.W. Bush told his story for an HBO documentary.  Producers agreed to do it only under the condition Barbara later portray George Washington in an HBO biopic.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Apr 18

Feeding Tube DietBrides can drop a quick 20 lbs. in a crash diet involving a feeding tube up their nose for 10 days.  They’re fed a drip of protein and fat mixed with water.  And it’s always exciting to see which bridesmaid catches the IV bag.
(The Real Story) 


 

Dorito TacoNorth Korea’s new leader addressed his nation for the first time, vowing to place top priority on their military.  While he shares dad’s desire to build up the military, he’s mostly doing it so they can invade and get Doritos Loco Tacos from Taco Bell.
(The Real Story) 


 

Iron ManDisney will co-produce the next “Iron Man” movie with a Chinese partner.  Chinese audiences love the character because they fantasize about ripping him apart to sell as scrap metal and feed their family for a month.
(The Real Story) 


 

Kim KardashianAn announcement was made that no one was murdered in El Salvador Saturday!  It was the first homicide-free day in nearly 3 years.  That would be like us being able to announce a Kardashian went 24 hours without screwing an athlete.
(The Real Story) 


 

pterodactylA sleepy Air Canada pilot mistook Venus for an aircraft and sent his airliner diving toward the Atlantic to avoid it.  Not since he thought a moth was a pterodactyl brought back through time had he taken such dramatic evasive actions.
(The Real Story) 


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 11

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 funniest things on the web daily

 

Angry BirdsAn iPad in a new protective case went up 100,000 feet above sea level attached to a weather balloon, then fell all the way to back down, crashing on a rocky hillside…with no damage!  It’s so rare you get to play Angry Birds up in the birds’ actual natural habitat.
(The Real Story) 


 

BungeeA 22-year-old Australian woman is recovering after a bungee cord broke, sending her plummeting into crocodile infested white water rapids in Africa.  Ironically, her friends all say she’ll bounce back.
(The Real Story)  


 

Stephen HawkingIntel is looking for ways to help Stephen Hawking reverse the slowing of his speech.  A sensor translates pulses in his cheek into words spoken by a voice synthesizer.  Apple was going to help him, but he didn’t want to sound like Siri.
(The Real Story)  


 

Home closingA WI man with an unusual name is in jail for violating his bail conditions from a previous arrest.  His name is Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop.  Man, he’s going to be really sorry when he has to sign all the papers at a home closing some day.
(The Real Story)  


 

Kim Jong-ilAccording to North Korean authorities, Kim Jong-il’s death has been marked by plunging temperatures.  He was reputed to be able to control the weather.  I don’t think being the only one allowed to wear a jacket counts as “able to control the weather.”
(The Real Story) 


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC

www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 03

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 funniest things on the web daily

 

Lady GagaIran announced a nuclear fuel breakthrough and test-fired a new radar-evading medium-range missile in the Gulf.  But they admit they can not figure out what Lady Ga Ga was supposed to be dressed as New Year’s Eve.
(The Real Story) 

 

KFC bucketNorth Korea called on its people to rally behind new leader Kim Jong-un and protect him as “human shields” while working to solve the “burning issue” of food shortages.  Many citizens pointed out they would make much better human shields if allowed to eat and gain weight.
(The Real Story)  

 

Carrot ManA Swedish woman who lost her wedding ring 16 years ago found it around a carrot in her garden!  Unfortunately, thanks to Swedish tradition, she now has to marry the carrot.
(The Real Story)  

 

Newt Gingrich47-year-old Wynonna Judd got engaged to her boyfriend, Cactus Moser, Christmas Eve.  He’s a drummer with country group Highway 101.  This will be her 3rd marriage, which puts her solidly behind Newt Gingrich in the polls.
(The Real Story)  

 

Village PeopleTo usher in 2012, Kate Middleton’s little sis Pippa threw a giant teepee party, with Kate and Will in attendance.  The teepee cost $4600 and included a dance floor.  It was foreclosed on when the Indian from the Village People could no longer afford it.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

 

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Jun 03

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

 

Will Smith is not dead.  Internet jokesters claimed he fell off a cliff in New Zealand while filming a movie there.  Hey, it was 3 months before I finally accepted that his daughters “Whip My Hair” song wasn’t a joke.


 

A meowing Australian senator made trouble after his cat imitation directed at the female Finance Minister sparked accusations the opposition behaved like sexists and goons.  He later apologized.  Once they got him down out of the tree.


 

Retired pilot “Sully” Sullenberger starts his new job at CBS News as an aviation expert.  Sully is regarded as a perfect fit for CBS News since he’s so good and bringing crippled things in for a crash landing.


 

Italy foiled an attempt by North Korea to import tap-dancing shoes in breach of a UN ban on the sale of luxury goods to Pyongyang.  Speaking of dancing, did you know one of North Korea’s most popular TV shows is “So You Think You Can Eat”?


 

Elephants from the Picadilly Circus have been helping with post-tornado cleanup in Joplin, MO, moving cars and other heavy debris.  The poodles that can ride scooters, however, are less than helpful.


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

 

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC

www.mikestiles.com

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Mar 17

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

 

An Australian schoolgirl had to cancel her 16th birthday party after her Facebook invite went viral and close to 200,000 people said they’d show up at her house, which would be enough people to make former Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak leave.


 

13 years after INXS frontman Michael Hutchence died, they still haven’t found a replacement.  An unknown Canadian who won their reality show remains their first choice.  But he’s had drug problems and there’s a large age difference.  In fact, for the first 4 months he thought they were the Spin Doctors.


 

North Korea will host a “new form” of magic show in which an aircraft, a bus full of passengers and an elephant will disappear.  It’s North Korea.  They’ll make the elephant disappear by eating it.  The bus and airplane will disappear when the driver and pilot escape to seek political asylum.


 

Wildwood, MO is one step closer to requiring a prescription for cold medicines used to make meth.  Cold and sinus pills containing Pseudoephedrine would move behind the counter.  It’s the “coughing, sneezing, teeth rotting out of your head, open sores on your skin and hair falling out so you can pass out and set yourself on fire” medicine.


 

Anti-terrorist bomb squad experts were called to a post office in Russia to check a package with a strange ticking sound.  They found a vibrator.  You’d think the name of the item, “Love Comrade,” printed right there on the box would have given them a clue.


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Dec 22

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

North Korea backed off threats against South Korea for military drills and may even let in UN inspectors.  The threat was that the North would broadcast video of Kim Jong-Il being sponge-bathed by his male nurses into South Korea for days.


A dog in Germany gave birth to 17 puppies.  Octomom Nadya Suleman took the news story as a throwing down of the gauntlet.


Marilu Henner revealed on “60 Minutes” she can remember every day of her life.  It’s called “superior autobiographical memory.”  She can even remember the day Tony Danza was funny.


Germany’s Frankfurt airport hired clowns to help entertain stranded passengers and keep tempers from flaring.  However, the clowns were upset because the airline could pack just as many passengers into a jet as they could clowns.


Gene Simmons not only claims to have knocked boots with around 5,000 women, he says he can prove it with Polaroid pictures of practically every single one.  Charlie Sheen can do the same thing.  He can show a lawsuit for every woman he’s been with.


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Oct 12

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

Couples all over the place rushed, for some reason, to tie the knot on 10/10/2010.  A repetitive, easy to remember date like that only happens once a century.  Nicole Richie was excited about the day as well, since her measurements are 10-10-10.


North Korea’s heir, the youngest son of Kim Jong-il, was featured at a big military parade broadcast on State TV.  It’s the only parade worldwide that doesn’t have Al Roker hosting it.


Google’s road-testing cars that steer, stop and start without a human driver.  Up to now it was believed that to make a car go without a driver, you had to shove it from the top of an incline and let it roll down a brightly colored track until it got to the loop de loop.


A survey of Britons shows 52 is the age they start getting grumpy.  They laughed far less and complained far more.  Most startling is that the survey turned up these results even though Benny Hill reruns are still on the air.


TMZ posted MMA star Daniel Puder’s email address along with his offer: if you’re being bullied, email him and he’ll come settle it.  So far he’s mostly gotten emails from Democrats Obama’s yelled at for not being fired up about the mid-term elections.


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Oct 01

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

Jimmy Carter developed an upset stomach on a flight to Cleveland and stayed a couple of nights at a hospital on doctor’s orders.  He described the pain as “it feels like a peace deal-breaking Jewish settlement is being built in my stomach.”


The youngest son of North Korean leader Kim Jong Il was elected to his first prominent posts in the ruling Workers’ Party, putting him on the path to succeed his father.  You know you’re son has finally come of age when he asks for the keys to the state-run torture prison.


The recession is hitting Americans in the heart.  Marriages have hit an all-time low.  That doesn’t make any sense when yelling at your spouse is perfectly good free entertainment.


The Eiffel Tower was briefly evacuated after a bomb threat called in from a phone booth.  It’s hard to evacuate the Eiffel Tower because the French hate giving tourists directions.


Guests at the Vdara hotel in Vegas are complaining an architectural flaw on the glass skyscraper causes the sun’s rays to magnify and reflect on one area of the pool.  Even plastic has melted from it.  Given 89% of the women in Vegas have at least some plastic parts, that’s no good.


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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