May 01

Hill Street BluesNewt Gingrich will officially end his 2012 presidential campaign Wednesday in DC.  He’s also finally ready to admit the Confederacy lost the Civil War and “Hill Street Blues” was cancelled.
(The Real Story) 


 

sexy judgeA St. Louis woman won a $6 million judgment against “Girls Gone Wild” for using her bare breasts without permission.  See her in the new DVD series, “Girls Gone Litigious.”
(The Real Story) 


 

Winnie the PoohA young bear between 150 and 200 lbs. had to be tranquilized and shot out of a tree in CO.  Which, by the way, is also the unused alternate ending to “Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Osama bin LadenReports are that an aging Osama bin Laden considered himself a stud and used Avena syrup, a natural Viagra made from wild oats.  He often referred to sex as “hiding in the caves of Bora Bora.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Joe JacksonAn ID man was charged with forcing another man to perform Michael Jackson’s “moonwalk” at gunpoint.  Which isn’t a whole lot different than how Joe Jackson got his sons to start performing in the first place.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 31

magazinesTime magazine released the ballot for its annual Time 100 issue, asking readers to vote for those they think are the most influential.  You know what’s not influential anymore?  Magazines.
(The Real Story) 


 

tigerA South African conservationist and filmmaker is in ICU after being attacked by a tiger.  Making sure tigers have plenty to eat by feeding yourself to them is a terrible way to be a conservationist.
(The Real Story)  


 

Newt GingrichA study shows educated conservatives have grown dramatically skeptical of science over the past 4 decades.  Not only that, based on the fact he won’t pull out of the race, Newt Gingrich doesn’t believe in math either.
(The Real Story) 


 

Robert PattinsonBecause of the mild winter this year, ticks will be a big problem.  They feed off your blood for days.  Oh sure, when Robert Pattinson does it he’s a heartthrob.  Let a tick do it and it’s an icky health crisis.
(The Real Story)  


 

Will FerrellWill Ferrell announced there will be a sequel to “Anchorman.”  Cited as reasons for the sequel; “Land of the Lost,” “Megamind,” “Step Brothers,” and “Semi-Pro.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 30

girls at barThe White House endorsed new oil exploration off the Atlantic Coast.  They’ll look for 5 years but won’t commit to drilling if they find anything.  It’s like going to bars to look for hot women but then never talking to them.
(The Real Story) 


 

Newt GingrichNewt Gingrich has cut his campaign staff down by about 1/3.  Turns out $2.50 is not only Newt’s target price for gas, it’s all he can pay his staff per hour.
(The Real Story) 


 

Cee-LoA study says people who spend 11 or more hours a day sitting are 40% more likely to die in the next 3 years regardless of how physically active they are otherwise.  Suddenly, I’m a little concerned about Cee-Lo sitting in that chair on “The Voice.”
(The Real Story)  


 

etch-a-SketchReports are Mitt Romney’s proposed renovations for his CA beachfront property include an elevator for his 4 on-site cars.  He’s also putting in a big-screen, hi-def Etch-a-Sketch.
(The Real Story)  


 

TSA patdownA MD TSA manager was busted for running a prostitution ring out of a hotel.  Which is stupid since you can get felt up at the airport for free.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Mar 23

Jeb BushFormer FL Gov. Jeb Bush endorsed Mitt Romney as the Republican primary nominee.  He also boldly predicted the New York Giants will beat the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLVI.
(The Real Story) 


 

Newt GingrichA study says for narcissists, Facebook may promote anti-social behavior.  Narcissism is “a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration and an exaggerated sense of self-importance.”  Or you can look up Newt Gingrich on Wikipedia.
(The Real Story)  


 

zumbaScientists are baffled by the source of mysterious booms and shaking that have plagued Clintonville, WI for 3 days.  Some residents have even fled.  All because of a secret midnight Zumba class for women over 300 lbs.?
(The Real Story)  


 

Black SwanThe epic movie “Noah” starts filming in July with Russell Crowe.  The movie will be helmed by the director of “Black Swan.”  He does understand loading things onto the ark two-by-two shouldn’t include two hot ballerina girls, right?
(The Real Story)  


 

examAn FAU professor was reviewing with his evolution class for a midterm when student Jonatha Carr screamed, “How does evolution kill black people!?”  Carr then got violent.  Joke’s on her, that question isn’t even going to be on the test.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 04

Married coupleModamily.com is a new site that pairs couples interested in “co-parenting” arrangements.  It involves forming a sexless, platonic union just to have and raise kids.  The only flaw with the plan is that marriage is often a sexless, platonic union.
(The Real Story) 


 

Costa ConcordiaPunxsutawney Phil saw his shadow so it will be awhile before spring.  In related news, the captain of the Costa Concordia saw his shadow, got scared and ran.
(The Real Story) 


 

Solar SystemNASA says beyond our solar system is a strange and very different place.  Our only hope of finding out for sure what it’s like is if Newt also proposes an edge-of-the-solar-system galactic outpost.
(The Real Story)  


 

Peeing statueA famous bronze statue in Brussels of a young boy urinating that’s a major tourist attraction had to stop peeing because of cold temps.  Freezing could damage his internal mechanisms.  Considering how old the statue is, it only makes it more realistic if he has trouble getting it started.
(The Real Story)  


 

Winnie CooperFred Savage says he think his “Wonder Years” character Kevin Arnold would probably have grown up to be a writer or educator since he did all that deep thinking.  What did you expect him to say, that he’d be pimping out Winnie Cooper in Vegas?
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 03

apple pieSome researchers are saying sugar and other sweeteners are so toxic to the human body they should be regulated as strictly as alcohol.  Consequently, you have to be 21 to get pie now.
(The Real Story) 


 

Amazon tribeAuthorities are trying to keep outsiders away from isolated Amazon Indians in Peru who started appearing by a river popular with tourists.  They’ve shot people with bows and arrows.  It’s the only way they can make sure they’re the last people alive who’ve never heard of the Kardashians.
(The Real Story)  


 

Amy WinehouseThe coroner who oversaw the inquest into Amy Winehouse’s death resigned after her qualifications were questioned.  Apparently she’s not a trained bartender.
(The Real Story)  


 

giraffeAn English supermarket caved to a 3-year-old girl’s campaign to change the name of its Tiger bread to Giraffe bread.  She says the splotches on the crust look more like a giraffe.  To make it even more authentic, the store will only put it on the very highest shelves.
(The Real Story)  


 

Newt GingrichKodak asked the bankruptcy court to void a $74 million contract to have its name on the Hollywood theater that hosts the Oscars.  Mitt Romney will now take over the contract and rename it the “Newt Gingrich Was Forced to Resign in Disgrace Theater.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 28

Marvin the MartianNewt Gingrich says the US will have a colony on the moon by 2020 if he’s elected.  He also said a new propulsion system would get us to Mars.  Ron Paul immediately said he doesn’t see any reason why Martians should not be allowed to have nuclear weapons.
(The Real Story) 


 

Chris TuckerSteven Spielberg will make an epic Moses movie.  It’s called a “Braveheart-ish version of the Moses story.”  It’s actually also a buddy movie.  Aaron will be played by Chris Tucker.
(The Real Story)  


 

chickenA 17-year-old girl in the UK who’s eaten almost nothing but chicken nuggets for 15 years has been warned by docs it’s killing her.  The irony is, after all those years of eating chicken nuggets, she’s never actually eaten any real chicken.
(The Real Story) 


 

Michael JacksonMichael Jackson’s 13-year-old daughter Paris is reportedly hot for Justin Bieber.  She introduced him at a show and was gushing.  I feel fairly confident dad would have liked Justin a whole lot too.
(The Real Story)  


 

Alex TrebekPat Sajak says he used to be wasted on “Wheel of Fortune” in the 80s.  So what?  I remember when Alex Trebek used to do a shot every time the Daily Double would come up on Jeopardy.
(The Real Story) 


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 24

Newt GingirchA Russian scientist published what he claims is evidence of life on Venus.  Its atmosphere is carbon dioxide, it’s waterless, volcano-riddled and 894 degrees.  Experts say the only life that could survive in that hostile an environment is Newt Gingrich.
(The Real Story) 


 

JuddsA tour bus carrying country music star Lee Brice caught fire outside a restaurant near Phoenix, forcing he and his crew to flee.  Not since the Judds reunion’s tragic hairspray incident of 2010 has a country music tour bus been so flammable.
(The Real Story)  


 

MC HammertVanilla Ice’s DIY home improvement show is starting its 2nd season.  And unfortunately for a fellow 80’s performer’s catch phrase, Ice starts out each episode by yelling, “It’s hammer time!”
(The Real Story)  


 

rain cloudA newly proposed law in South Africa would punish unauthorized weather forecasts with up to 5 years in jail time and $630,000 in fines.  That’s why every South African forecast calls for a 1-99% chance of rain.
(The Real Story)  


 

MadonnaDays after the accident, docs found a 3 1/4-inch nail in the middle of an IL man’s brain.  They got it out, and also lucky for him, the only memories damaged by the nail were of Madonna’s Golden Globes acceptance speech.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 03

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 funniest things on the web daily

 

Lady GagaIran announced a nuclear fuel breakthrough and test-fired a new radar-evading medium-range missile in the Gulf.  But they admit they can not figure out what Lady Ga Ga was supposed to be dressed as New Year’s Eve.
(The Real Story) 

 

KFC bucketNorth Korea called on its people to rally behind new leader Kim Jong-un and protect him as “human shields” while working to solve the “burning issue” of food shortages.  Many citizens pointed out they would make much better human shields if allowed to eat and gain weight.
(The Real Story)  

 

Carrot ManA Swedish woman who lost her wedding ring 16 years ago found it around a carrot in her garden!  Unfortunately, thanks to Swedish tradition, she now has to marry the carrot.
(The Real Story)  

 

Newt Gingrich47-year-old Wynonna Judd got engaged to her boyfriend, Cactus Moser, Christmas Eve.  He’s a drummer with country group Highway 101.  This will be her 3rd marriage, which puts her solidly behind Newt Gingrich in the polls.
(The Real Story)  

 

Village PeopleTo usher in 2012, Kate Middleton’s little sis Pippa threw a giant teepee party, with Kate and Will in attendance.  The teepee cost $4600 and included a dance floor.  It was foreclosed on when the Indian from the Village People could no longer afford it.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

 

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Nov 06

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

A NASA spacecraft survived a rendezvous with the Hartley 2 comet, beaming pictures of the peanut shaped, poisonous gas belching rock back to Earth.  And here I thought I was awesome because I posted my pictures from Rock City on Facebook.


David Cassidy was charged with DUI in FL.  Cops say he was weaving.  Cassidy told a trooper he had a glass of wine at lunch and a pain pill later.  It doesn’t help his case that he made his one phone call to fictional Partridge Family manager Reuben Kincaid.


The Kinect system for Xbox 360 is winning rave reviews.  It allows the game to see your motions like the Wii, only without a controller.  Before this, consumers expressed no interest whatsoever in buying “French Street Mime 2011.”


A CNN poll shows Mike Huckabee would beat Obama 52-44 were the election held today, and Mitt Romney would beat him 50-45.  But Obama would beat Newt Gingrich 49-47, and beat Sarah Palin 52-44.  Worst news of all, it’s a dead heat when he’s matched up with “The Situation.”


George W. Bush called Kanye West’s accusations he was a racist a low point.  During a telethon for Katrina, West said, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”  Bush went on to say that it’s absolutely not true the presidency really should have gone to Beyonce.


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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