May 03

dolphinA lone dolphin has been in a CA bay after it was “bullied” by a pod of fellow dolphins that were blocking its return to the open sea.  Not only that, he won’t come out because owes money to a loan shark.
(The Real Story) 


 

angry manAl-Qaida documents found last year were found inside a porno video in a file marked “Sexy Tanja.”  The full title with the tag line is “Sexy Tanja – She’ll Make You Feel Like an Infidel.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Obi-Wan KenobiA CA man who legally changed his name to Obi-Wan Kenobi was charged with hit-and-run in a 5-car accident.  He has chosen to defend himself using Jedi mind tricks on the jury.
(The Real Story)  


 

teethA Polish woman removed all her ex-boyfriend’s teeth during dental surgery.  His new girlfriend already left him over his toothless appearance.  Teeth aren’t the kind of implants you usually hear about putting a spark back into a relationship.
(The Real Story)  


 

Dania SuarezThe Colombian hooker at the center of the Secret Service sex scandal is negotiating a deal to pose nude for Playboy or Hustler.  Dania Suaréz is looking for the highest bidder…who will probably refuse to pay her in the hallway like everybody else.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 18

Apple MacApple released a developer preview of an update for the Mac operating system, dubbed “Mountain Lion.”  The name was chosen after the other candidate, “Overpriced Ostrich” was rejected.
(The Real Story) 


 

diving horseAtlantic City’s Steel Pier is dropping a plan to bring back the legendary attraction from the 1920’s that featured a horse and a rider plunging into a 12-foot-deep water tank from 40 feet.  Wow, thanks for spoiling the ending to Steven Spielberg’s “Warhorse” for me.
(The Real Story)  


 

Wile E. Coyote36-year-old Ludovic Masciave was driving in the French Alps when a 20-ton boulder crashed onto the roof of his car.  Officials were stunned he survived until they found out his grandfather was Wile E. Coyote.
(The Real Story)  


 

Def LeppardWhite House party crasher Tareq Salahi sued wife Michaele, claiming she had an affair with Journey guitarist Neil Schon to make money for herself and the band.  Also, she’s being sued by Def Leppard and Foreigner for not dating anyone in their bands, thereby depriving them of publicity.
(The Real Story)  


 

Niagara FallsCanada agreed to let a member of the Flying Wallendas try a tightrope walk over Niagara Falls this summer.  The family gained legitimate fame back in the 60’s once they changed their name from the “Falling Wallendas.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 07

Kim ZolchiakA stomach virus hit passengers and crew on a Princess Cruise Lines ship sailing from south FL.  The Norovirus causes vomiting, diarrhea and stomach pain.  And the crew is even trained to resist such things using Kim Zolchiak’s CD.
(The Real Story) 


 

Keebler ElfA family out gathering mushrooms huddled lost near an OR forest for 6 days.  The couple and their 25-year-old son drank from streams and took shelter in a hollowed-out tree.  They stayed in the tree believing elves there would bake fudge-striped cookies and feed them.
(The Real Story)  


 

stoningA NC woman read the Bible to her attacker for an hour and a half after he slashed her throat.  He listened to the verses carefully, apologized and left.  Sadly, having been given other ideas from the Bible, the man later returned and stoned her.
(The Real Story)  


 

Helen ThomasA study by Match.com found that self-described single, conservative Republicans are more likely to achieve orgasm during sex than any other political persuasion.  Naturally, because liberal Democrats feel a sense of entitlement to an orgasm.
(The Real Story)  


 

wrestlerA Newark man died after a tussle with a former high school wrestler he tried to rob of his cell phone.  He was put in a headlock strong enough it choked him to death.  No charges were filed, because in all fairness, the robber never tapped out.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC

www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 03

apple pieSome researchers are saying sugar and other sweeteners are so toxic to the human body they should be regulated as strictly as alcohol.  Consequently, you have to be 21 to get pie now.
(The Real Story) 


 

Amazon tribeAuthorities are trying to keep outsiders away from isolated Amazon Indians in Peru who started appearing by a river popular with tourists.  They’ve shot people with bows and arrows.  It’s the only way they can make sure they’re the last people alive who’ve never heard of the Kardashians.
(The Real Story)  


 

Amy WinehouseThe coroner who oversaw the inquest into Amy Winehouse’s death resigned after her qualifications were questioned.  Apparently she’s not a trained bartender.
(The Real Story)  


 

giraffeAn English supermarket caved to a 3-year-old girl’s campaign to change the name of its Tiger bread to Giraffe bread.  She says the splotches on the crust look more like a giraffe.  To make it even more authentic, the store will only put it on the very highest shelves.
(The Real Story)  


 

Newt GingrichKodak asked the bankruptcy court to void a $74 million contract to have its name on the Hollywood theater that hosts the Oscars.  Mitt Romney will now take over the contract and rename it the “Newt Gingrich Was Forced to Resign in Disgrace Theater.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 25

Al GreenA reporter compiled a list of the hard compromises and concessions of Obama’s first term based on internal memos.  And it’s still happening.  He had to give up plans to deliver the entire State of the Union address by singing it like Al Green.
(The Real Story) 


 

Sean PennA diver swimming with sharks in the Bahamas had to fight off a shark with his camera.  The shark bit down on his camera instead of his head.  Fortunately the photog was trained for such an incident because he used to be a paparazzo assigned to Sean Penn.
(The Real Story)


 

Aretha FranklinAretha Franklin has called off her engagement, saying things were moving too fast.  For instance, Aretha had not only already ordered the wedding cake, she went ahead and ate it.
(The Real Story)  


 

beeManagers of the Valley Heritage Park in England are considering introducing a hive of bees to deter vandals from damaging historic buildings.  Is that anything like the drones we use to monitor Afghanistan?
(The Real Story) 


 

Poseidon AdventureThe owners of the Costa Concordia are offering survivors of the disaster 30% off future cruises!  They also get VIP treatment at the new onboard show, “Poseidon Adventure the Musical.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 20

MotelA study lists the odd things people try to put on company expense reports.  They include cosmetic surgery, speeding tickets, hotel porn, a video game console and cigarettes.  The hotel porn was listed as “motivational seminar.”
(The Real Store) 


 

Sgt. PepperRed-green and yellow-blue are so-called “forbidden colors.”  They’re real but can’t be perceived by the human eye.  People know they’re seeing colors, but can’t describe them.  Which is pretty much how the Sgt. Pepper’s album was recorded.
(The Real Store)  


 

Kobe BryantThe State Dept. announced Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s appointment as a global ambassador.  He’ll travel the world helping promote diplomacy.  Shouldn’t he start small by seeing if he can negotiate peace between Kobe Bryant and his wife?
(The Real Store)  


 

Billy OceanPassengers on a trans-Atlantic British Airways flight were horrified when a recorded message told them they were going to crash into the ocean.  Turns out it was merely announcing songs on the satellite radio, saying, “That was the Clash, now here’s Billy Ocean.”
(The Real Store)  


 

BurquaUS prosecutors say a copy of a magazine published by an arm of al-Qaida was found being read by a detainee at Gitmo.  No word on how he got it.  Too bad he got caught.  The centerfold that issue almost shows her wrist.
(The Real Store)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 12

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 funniest things on the web daily

 

Iranian rescueUS sailors rescued some Iranian fishermen for the 2nd time in less than a week.  5 days ago, 13 Iranian fishermen were saved from Somali pirates.  Are they shutting down the Strait of Hormuz by keeping us busy rescuing them?
(The Real Story) 


 

Disney castleA 7-year-old boy with cancer was granted his wish to blow up a massive grain silo in OH.  They were going to take him to Disney World, but he asking where Cindrella’s Castle’s structural weak points were.
(The Real Story) 


 

ScrewdriverA CA woman is suing the maker of Tropicana, saying it’s not “100% pure and natural” as claimed.  She says it’s put through extensive processing, and she demands her orange juice be pure and natural when she puts vodka in it.
(The Real Story) 


 

deep dish pizzaA study found nicotine-replacing gums and patches failed to help smokers who quit stay off cigarettes.  Likewise, duct taping a slice of deep-dish pizza to your back does not curb the desire the eat one.
(The Real Story)  


 

kd langk.d. lang is done with longtime girlfriend Jamie Price.  She’s dissolving their domestic partnership.  k.d. says it’s a very difficult time emotionally, but she fully expects to man up.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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