Apr 21

IV bagA Vegas anesthesiologist offers a “cure” for hangovers in 45 minutes or less.  For $150, he connects you to an IV in his bus.  Great, but will he also stuff your pockets with the cash you lost at the tables the night before?
(The Real Story) 


 

Secret ServiceSpirit Airlines seized the Secret Service sex scandals as a marketing opportunity.  It’s a “More Bang For Your Buck!” sale on flights to Colombia.  You can even start a fight by refusing to pay, just like the real Secret Service!
(The Real Story)  


 

Chris ChristieNJ Gov. Chris Christie insists he was listening, not sleeping, during a recent Springsteen concert.  A fan caught a photo of him with his head back and eyes closed.  Maybe he was just picturing himself as Vice President.
(The Real Story)  


 

Young coupleYoung Americans aren’t that eager to get drivers’ licenses or drive.  Who needs a car when parents these days let them have sex right there in the house?
(The Real Story)  


 

Shanghai SurpriseMadonna wasn’t happy 15-year-old daughter Lourdes was photographed smoking outside her high school.  Give her a break.  It’s not as if she did a remake of “Shanghai Surprise” or anything.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 25

angry birdsBASE-jumper Jeb Corliss, known as the “Bird Man,” will keep jumping despite barreling into rocks at 120 miles an hour.  If the Bird Man was going to have an accident, you’d think he’d have flown into a clean window.
(The Real Story) 


 

French girlThe French will no longer make single women use the title Mademoiselle.  Some argued it’s sexist.  So I guess they wouldn’t like it here in America where many women carry the title of “my bitches.”
(The Real Story) 


 

MadonnaMadonna’s single “Gimme All Your Luvin’” is a flop, despite launching to an audience of 114 million at the Super Bowl.  On the bright side, the guy who bounced on a wire with his groin has a best-selling DVD out.
(The Real Story)  


 

fur trapperAn OH woman solicited a hit man to shoot or cut the throat of a random fur-wearer.  She wanted them dead within 2 minutes and wanted to be there to hand out leaflets afterward.  Wouldn’t it make more sense to hire a fur-trapper?
(The Real Story)  


 

Charlie SheenA former DC police commander whose special ops unit escorted Charlie Sheen to a show will file a whistleblower suit, alleging he was demoted for saying that was common.  It’s not the kind of escort that usually gets Charlie Sheen in trouble.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 15

catA fake Twitter account claiming to belong to Cat Fancy Magazine that published “disturbing things, often against cats,” was shut down.  The offenders have now set up a new site called Icanhasfaketwitteraccount.com
(The Real Story) 


 

keystone pipelineThe White House invited kids to show off their inventions, turning the East Room into a science fair.  The kid whose project was to run a pipeline from Canada to Texas however, was not even allowed in the door.
(The Real Story)  


 

MadonnaAdele says she’s done with breakup and heartache songs.  She’s afraid people think she’s miserable.  In a related story, Madonna says she’s done with songs that become hits.
(The Real Story) 


 

surrenderA film about Nazis from the moon invading Earth is a hot ticket in Berlin.  “Iron Sky” imagines Hitler’s surviving henchmen set up a swastika-shaped lunar colony in 1945, waiting to strike back.  Before they heard it was just a movie, France surrendered.
(The Real Story)  


 

TideA 53-year-old MN man was arrested for stealing $6000 worth of Tide detergent from a retailer.  The guy’s a pro.  For instance, when he shoplifts clothes, he always steals whites and colors separately.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 24

Newt GingirchA Russian scientist published what he claims is evidence of life on Venus.  Its atmosphere is carbon dioxide, it’s waterless, volcano-riddled and 894 degrees.  Experts say the only life that could survive in that hostile an environment is Newt Gingrich.
(The Real Story) 


 

JuddsA tour bus carrying country music star Lee Brice caught fire outside a restaurant near Phoenix, forcing he and his crew to flee.  Not since the Judds reunion’s tragic hairspray incident of 2010 has a country music tour bus been so flammable.
(The Real Story)  


 

MC HammertVanilla Ice’s DIY home improvement show is starting its 2nd season.  And unfortunately for a fellow 80’s performer’s catch phrase, Ice starts out each episode by yelling, “It’s hammer time!”
(The Real Story)  


 

rain cloudA newly proposed law in South Africa would punish unauthorized weather forecasts with up to 5 years in jail time and $630,000 in fines.  That’s why every South African forecast calls for a 1-99% chance of rain.
(The Real Story)  


 

MadonnaDays after the accident, docs found a 3 1/4-inch nail in the middle of an IL man’s brain.  They got it out, and also lucky for him, the only memories damaged by the nail were of Madonna’s Golden Globes acceptance speech.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Nov 01

The Blog Monologue

 

sunA prominent skeptic of global warming decided after 2 years that yeah, temperatures really are rising.  He found we’re 1.6 degrees hotter than in the 50s.  So really, that’s what made it easy for Fonzie to be so cool.
(The Real Story)


snowA freak October snow knocked out power to over 3 million across the Northeast.  Since leaves were still on trees, that led to limb breakage.  When you go to New England to watch the leaves change color, you don’t expecting that color to be white.
(The Real Story)


pizza2 managers of a Domino’s in Lake City, FL were charged with burning down a rival Papa John’s.  Sticking with Domino’s current advertising theme, the two men said, “Oh yes we did.”
(The Real Story)


catYouTube is adding some 100 channels and content creators, from Madonna to The Wall Street Journal, generating 25 hours of new original content daily.  Analysts wonder if there are enough piano-playing cats to keep up with demand.
(The Real Story)


Ellen DeGeneresEllen DeGeneres says when she came out in Hollywood, “I didn’t work.  No one would even talk to me on the phone.”  Not exactly true.  In fact ESPN2 out-and-out courted her to do color commentary for women’s softball coverage.
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Oct 26

The Blog Monologue

recycling5 to 20 million tons of debris sucked into the Pacific after Japan’s tsunami will approach the US West Coast in the next 3 years.  And what’s more, once it gets here, CA is going to force you to separate the recyclables.
(The Real Story)


Mr. BeanNetflix will offer online subscriptions to the UK and Ireland.  Naturally, the only titles available for streaming will be “Fawlty Towers” and “Mr. Bean.”
(The Real Story)


babyMarni Kotak wants to give birth in a Brooklyn art gallery as performance art.  If you only have time to catch the matinee, all you’ll see is her water break.
(The Real Story)


nbcNBC has fallen further behind competitors this fall.  NBC has been stuck in 4th place since “Friends” left the air in 2004.  Even the peacock cut a deal and left for Animal Planet.
(The Real Story)


Spin DoctorsWhile Madonna lives in her newly renovated $32 million NYC townhouse with homes in LA and London, her brother lives under a bridge in MI.  On the bright side, he has the lead singer of The Spin Doctors there to keep him company.
(The Real Story)


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Oct 05

The Blog Monologue

 

casketA researcher was awarded the Nobel Prize, 3 days after dying of pancreatic cancer.  The prize was for physics for the man’s groundbreaking work in bad timing.


 

homelessA study shows playing soccer 2-3 times a week could improve health among homeless men.  The game is especially healthy for them, because if they stop moving at any time during it, a cop hassles them for loitering.


 

MadonnaMadonna will be the halftime performer for Super Bowl XLVI.  At 53, she’s actually considered “safe.”  They figure even if she does try to take her clothes off, she moves slow enough they’ll have time to point the cameras somewhere else.


 

raveA rescue chopper spotted a little girl who was lost in the woods thanks to her glow-in the-dark necklace.  She was camping with her family in CA when she wandered off on her own…obviously looking for a rave.


 

kickerMichigan’s Brianna Amat kicked a 31-yard, game-winning field goal for her varsity football team…right after being crowned homecoming queen.  Upon graduating, Brianna plans to play for the NY Jets, where she will harass herself.


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

 

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC

www.mikestiles.com    @mikestiles

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May 05

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

 

Obama pretty much decided not to release the Osama bin Laden photos.  It’s not that they were going to release them that could have potentially caused a backlash, it’s the fact they were going to put them up on Flickr.


 

A lawsuit claims Aaron’s rental chain has software on its computers that tracks keystrokes, screenshots and even webcam images of customers while they use them.  Not only that, the couches they rent have tiny scales in them that immediately post your weight to Facebook.


 

Scott Pelley of “60 Minutes” will take over as CBS Evening News anchor June 6.  Pelley assumed the job was his because of the recurring dream he kept having about being made Captain of the Titanic.


 

The wedding dress worn by Madonna in “Like a Virgin.”  Michael Jackson’s red leather jacket from “Beat It.”  Ray Charles’ Braille Playboy magazine.  All among memorabilia touring the US starting May 18 to celebrate the Hard Rock Cafe’s 40th anniversary.  Just don’t order the zucchini.  It’s the one Axl Rose used to put down his pants for shows.


 

Miley Cyrus performed a cover song of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” during a show in Ecuador last week.  If you think that’s hot, wait ‘til you hear her moving Marilyn Manson medley.


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Sep 10

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

Britney SpearsA former bodyguard sued Britney Spears, claiming she repeatedly subjected him to “repeated unwanted sexual advances” and harassment.  Of course at the time, the only thing her body needed protection from was pound cake and Cheetos.



SnookiCalling her “a Lindsay Lohan wannabe,” a judge fined “Snooki” $500 and ordered community service for disturbing others on a beach.  If Snooki was really a Lindsay Lohan wannabe, she’d have crashed her car into the courthouse then threw up on the judge’s shoes.



Microsoft is apologizing to a WV town and a 26-year-old gamer accused of violating Xbox Live’s code of conduct by declaring he’s from Fort Gay.  But that’s really the name of his town.  It’s not like they aren’t used to it.  You should see who shows up every year for their Fort Gay Pride parade.



Madonna wore a disguise and rode on the NY subway unrecognized and undisturbed.  In a related story, Reuben Studdard was not wearing a disguise and was left completely alone as he rode a city bus in Birmingham.



ReaganThe story of Ronald Reagan’s life is about to be a $30 million feature film.  In the movie, a wounded Marine is placed into a Reagan Avatar so he can make it morning in America again.



Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Oct 27

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

2panel_InsertCheck out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

________________________________________________________________________

bestbuyBest Buy will sell a GPS parents can use to track their child’s location.  Little Buddy is $99 and fits “easily into a backpack, lunchbox or other receptacle.”  The product alerts parents via a text when the kid moves outside a designated area.
*Of course, the device will tell you every time that your kid is in the home theatre section of Best Buy to get you into the store again and again.
*Or better yet, Best Buy should assign one of those guys that stands at the door and checks your receipts to watch your kid wherever they go.
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The Federal pay czar rejected Bank of America’s initial proposal to cut pay for its top-paid employees.  Instead, he insisted cash portions of their salaries be reduced by 94%.  Obama appointed him to set pay for the top 25 earners at companies getting the most bailout money.
*They also won’t get the Butterball whole turkeys they used to get every Christmas.  Just a thigh.
*But that’s just on the cash portion.  They still get to keep their mistresses.
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mariedollFarm and construction machinery, Tupperware, the railroads, Hersheys, Yum food brands and Yahoo.  A report shows all are more profitable than the health insurance industry, currently attacked by the White House as voracious profiteers making “immoral” and “obscene” returns.  Their profit margins are usually 6%, anemic compared to other industries.
*If it gets down to where Marie Osmond makes more profit on her line of dolls than the health insurance industry, they might be able to make their case.
*That’s why whenever I need a medical test or procedure done, I head to the Apple store at the mall.
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Experimental gene therapy has boosted fading vision with a single treatment in some patients.  The younger the patient, the better the effects.
*Unfortunately, the first thing patients saw was a current picture of Carrot Top so…
*The procedure involves injecting the DNA of a deceased classic movie star so people can literally have Bette Davis eyes.
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northwestThe first officer of the Northwest Airlines jet that missed its destination by 150 miles says he and the captain weren’t sleeping or arguing, but he wouldn’t explain what did happen.  He would only say, “It was not a serious event from a safety issue.”  Air traffic controllers and pilots tried for over an hour to contact the flight.
*Uh oh, here comes the argument that all pilots should be female because they’re willing to stop and ask directions.
*Wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t slap an extra $30 per bag fee on for the 300 mile out-of-the-way round trip.
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Obama declared the swine flu outbreak a national emergency.  Now Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius can skip rules and turn schools or community centers into emergency ER’s.  Obama’s own daughters, by the way, have NOT had the swine flu vaccine.
*Apparently they’re already obedient to Obama and don’t need to get the secret compound they’ve put in the vaccine to make us all passive followers.  We’d like to thank Glenn Beck for that joke.
*This whole swine flu thing would do the balloon boy’s dad proud.
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globalwarmingActivists around the planet have protested to mobilize public opinion against global warming 50 days ahead of a crucial UN climate summit.  Organizers claim events took place in over 180 countries.  The UN is trying to hash out a new treaty to curb greenhouse gases to replace the Kyoto Protocol, which expires in 2012.
*And yes, the weather was absolutely gorgeous for all the rallies.
*Are you sure they weren’t counting the people who were trying to set the record for the world’s largest simultaneous “Thriller” dance?
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Madonna arrived in Malawi to visit the girls’ school she’s building where she adopted 2 children.  The 51-year-old’s charity helps feed, educate and provide medical care for some of Malawi’s orphans.
*Translated from Malawi, the school’s name means “Place to Wait for Madonna to Adopt you and Take you to America Where you’ll Probably Get your Own Disney Channel Series.”
*Plus the girls from Oprah’s South African school needed someone to play against in women’s volleyball.
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casper“Paranormal Activity” beat part 6 of the “Saw” franchise at the box office.  It was shot for $15,000 and looks like a homemade documentary as a couple copes with apparitions and supernatural phenomena in their home.  “Where the Wild Things Are” was number 3.
*If their house is for sale, that wasn’t an apparition, that was an actual interested buyer.  There are so few of them they just assumed it was a ghost.
*Hey, if it only cost $15,000 to make, it was a homemade documentary.
*In a related story, “Where the Girls Gone Wild Things Are” was #1 in DVD rentals.
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Analysts say the shift to digital from physical books will ultimately hurt brick-and-mortar book sellers.  If so, Barnes & Noble might be doing themselves in because they’re launching their own e-reader to compete with Amazon’s Kindle.
*Next step to putting themselves out of business, come up with an e-reader with a nozzle that squirts coffee into your mouth.
*Besides, who wants to buy from a place that only sells books about brick and mortar?
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cowSouth African traditional leaders plan to perform ritual animal slaughters to bless stadiums for the 2010 World Cup tournament next June.  They say the tournament, the first to be held in Africa, needed to be blessed in true “African style” by slaughtering a beast.
*Wow.  I think public animal slaughter is the only thing less popular than soccer in the US.
*Just to be safe, Jack Black has been denied his request to attend some of the matches.
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Want to be a politician?  No one has filed to run for mayor or any of the 3 town council seats in Spencer Mountain in Gaston County, NC.  The incumbents say the filing deadline just kinda snuck up on them.  There are 29 registered voters in Spencer Mountain.
*Don’t think Rod Blagojevich hasn’t booked a flight by now though.
*It’s not a hard job.  Let’s just say the only ribbon-cutting their mayor does is related to his wife’s scrapbooking hobby.
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roachesA Michigan pet store employee, Sean Murphy, stuffed 16 Madagascar hissing cockroaches into his mouth, trying to set a new Guinness Record.  The old record was 11.  He says it was a “big surprise” since he’s never fit that many in his mouth before in one try.
*It’s not a new thing for him.  His nickname in high school was “Roach Motel.”
*Sure, they’ll stay in his mouth as long as it’s dark.  But when he opens it and the light hits them, they scatter.
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A decade long study says long-term cell phone users could face a higher risk of developing brain cancer in later life.  The findings may put pressure on governments to issue stronger warnings to users.
*Doctors are rapidly trying to develop an emoticon with which to inform patients of their diagnosis.
*Fortunately, you’ll probably be taken out when the battery overheats and explodes long before the brain cancer shows up.

©2009, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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