May 19

Lipizzaner StallionsA white Arabian horse got spooked at a beach near Santa Barbara and swam 2 miles out into the ocean.  If you think that’s something, you should see the Lipizzaner Stallions do their synchronized swimming routine.
(The Real Story) 


 

Taylor SwiftTaylor Swift is donating $4 million to the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum.  The only stipulation is she gets to open a permanent “ex-boyfriends I’m still pissed off at” exhibit.
(The Real Story)  


 

stripper67-year-old Robert White died after getting several lap dances at a TX strip club.  And believe me, if you’ve ever tried to do a lap dance to “Taps,” it’s not easy.
(The Real Story)  


 

alligatorA NC man was bitten on the arm trying to corral an alligator using…a towel.  Forget the towel.  The trick is to preoccupy the gator by making it try to fold a fitted sheet while you strap its mouth shut.
(The Real Story)  


 

Joe BidenBreitbart revealed a 1991 promo booklet by Obama’s then-literary agency touting that he was “born in Kenya.”  Come on, if he were born in Kenya, Joe Biden would have already blurted that out already.
(The Real Story)  


 

Don’t be selfish…make a habit of sharing this with your friends, many of whom could seriously use a laugh.

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 12

Joe Biden, Barack ObamaJoe Biden apologized to Obama for jumping the gun on the public embrace of same-sex marriage and forcing Obama’s hand.  Obama said Biden “got out a little over his skis.”  I swear those two boys fight like an old married couple.
(The Real Story) 


 

Queen ElizabethPrince Charles delivered the weather report on the BBC.  He said it was almost as cold as the first time he took Diana to meet Queen Elizabeth.
(The Real Story) 


 

old baseball playersA 70-year-old virgin says she’s ready to get it on now, though her standards are still very high.  No one was able to get past first base with her because…well because baseball just hadn’t been around long enough.
(The Real Story) 


 

Demi MooreThis week’s Time magazine cover features a woman breastfeeding her 3-year-old son.  Though meant to be controversial, most people are ignoring it, thinking it’s just a picture of Demi Moore and her new boyfriend.
(The Real Story) 


 

F on a paperAbout 22 % of California’s 8th-graders passed a national science test, making the state worst in the nation.  School officials say just as sure as water is made up of hydrogen and oxiclean, they’re going to improve their science curriculum.
(The Real Story) 


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 04

Joe BidenAn Obama ex wrote in a journal about him as the relationship ended.  She says his warmth can be deceptive, and when she told him she loved him, he said, “Thank you.”  The worst part was after Obama left, she was required to date Joe Biden.
(The Real Story) 


 

tan momThe NJ mom accused of letting her 5-year-old daughter use a tanning booth denies it.  She also denies telling the girl if she stayed in the room long enough, she’d turn into a yummy cookie.
(The Real Story)  


 

Tyler PerryInvestigators are looking for the cause of the fire that ripped through Tyler Perry’s Atlanta studios.  See all the details in the upcoming motion picture, “Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Burst Into Flames Part 2.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Paula DeanA CA teen is charged with stealing Food Network star Guy Fieri’s yellow Lamborghini from a dealership by repelling down from the roof.  Which coincidentally is how diabetic Paula Dean now sneaks down to her kitchen for cake.
(The Real Story)  


 

Charlotte's WebChina’s pigs create 1.5 million tons of pig poo a year.  So an Australian company is working to turn it into biofuel for cooking and heating.  This is one part of “Charlotte’s Web” I clearly missed.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Nov 02

The Blog Monologue

 

Herman CainHerman Cain is grappling with sexual harassment charges from when he was head of the National Restaurant Assoc. in the 90s.  I don’t think “you need more meat on that” counts as harassment if you’re head of a pizza company.
(The Real Story)


BambiOfficials in the FL Everglades caught and killed a giant python that just swallowed an entire 76 lb. adult deer.  Okay, well there’s at least one way other than a fire for Bambi’s mom to die that would traumatize kids for generations.
(The Real Story)


OprahJoe Biden says he’s going to be Obama’s running mate.  But if he isn’t, a new poll shows people want Hillary.  Even Oprah’s on the list.  Which, if Oprah were VP, we’d be required by law to read the books she picks out for us.
(The Real Story)


Men Without HatsFormer Journey lead singer Steve Perry says despite renewed interest, a reunion probably ain’t gonna happen.  In a related story, all the members of “Men Without Hats” say they will reunite anywhere, for any reason, music-related or not.
(The Real Story)


RiceChinese researchers think they found a way to make large quantities of a blood protein from ordinary grains of rice.  And if you use the convenient boil-in-a-bag kind, you can hang it right up on the IV pole.
(The Real Story)


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Jun 15

The Blog Monologue

 

"Harold Camping"The CA radio preacher who predicted the world would end last month suffered a mild stroke.  89-year-old Harold Camping is recuperating, but hospital staff is having to do everything it can to keep him from hanging outside the OR predicting the outcomes of surgeries.


 

Winklevoss TwinsFacebook is preparing to file for an initial public offering as early as October or November that could value it at over $100 billion.  In other words, that is not the month you want to have the Winklevoss twins over for a barbecue.


 

"Lebron James"Former Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress, a week after his release from prison on gun charges in which he accidentally shot himself in the leg at a nightclub, pledged to preach against gun violence to kids.  In a related story, Lebron James will hold workshops to teach kids how to not get blamed if their team loses.


 

"Anthony Weiner"Jill and Joe Biden hosted a party for journalists at their Naval Observatory residence Saturday and squirted guests with Super Soakers.  Everyone was having a great time until Rep. Anthony Weiner showed up in a white t-shirt and wanted to be soaked down for photos.


 

"Armless Archer"Matt Stutzman has qualified for the National US Olympic team in archery.  What’s special about that?  He has no arms.  If you think that’s something, you should have seen him on the parallel bars when he tried out for the gymnastics team.


 

(The Blog Monologue Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

 

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC

www.mikestiles.com @mikestiles

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Sep 17

(Delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

batesmotelThe average price of a hotel room in the US fell 17%, year-over-year.  The average room rate is $115 a night.
*I’m thinking it’s time to send the Priceline negotiator overseas to solve that whole Middle East peace issue.
*Travelers love the price, and you can tell because you can see them using the spycam in the hotel vents.

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Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke said the recession is “probably over.”  But he said pain, especially for the 15 million unemployed, will persist.
*He then clarified by saying “kinda sorta most likely given nothing else changes and considering on any given day anything can happen…probably.”
*That’s like saying Lindsay Lohan probably won’t get in trouble with the law again.
*The good news is all those unemployed will have all week free to wait in line to see a doctor under healthcare reform.

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reubenThe Iraqi shoe thrower was freed from prison, condemned the US presence in Iraq and accused authorities of torturing him.  He said he wants to avenge his country’s humiliation.
*Torture meaning he was given 2 left shoes.
*Torture meaning they took his aglets off.
*Hey, if it weren’t for America that guy would have disappeared faster than Reuben Studdard.

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Kanye West gave a personal apology to Taylor Swift.  He called her after her appearance on “The View.”  Swift’s spokesperson said the contents of the call will remain private.  On Leno, Kanye said, “It was rude, period.  I need to take some time off and analyze how I’m going to improve.”
*Wow, anyone who has to go on “The View,” I’d call and tell them I was sorry too.
*Actually, he called and apologized to Taylor Dayne…still a little drunk off the Cognac.
*Has Dr. Phil shown up uninvited to Kanye’s house to help yet?

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pepeFrance’s lower house of parliament approved a bill letting authorities cut off Internet access to people who download illegally.  The Culture Ministry estimates 1,000 French Internet users a day could be taken offline.
*Apparently people there will download copyrighted photos of various cheeses and use them as wallpaper without paying.
*They did this even though most of what they download are old Jerry Lewis movies?
*At the same time, the French are trying to invent a webcam that will spit at you.

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Snuggie, the famed blanket with sleeves, staged a runway show in NY, complete with high-fashion models and a new “urban jungle” line of zebra and leopard prints.  You can get college logos on them now, and there’s even Snuggies for kids and dogs.
*Snuggie, of course, tapped into the cultural phenomenon of people wanting to look like giant hand puppets.
*And here we all laughed at Michael Jackson naming his kid “Blanket.”

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bidenSeveral mortars or rockets were fired at Baghdad’s Green Zone right after Joe Biden flew in to pressure Iraq’s leaders into making political compromises.  His precise location was kept under wraps for security reasons, but a reporter heard a blast during a briefing.
*And when we say his location was kept under wraps, that means nobody told Joe either.  He thought he was in Iowa and was wondering why he was being shot at.
*Now see, if Sarah Palin were VP she’d be up on the wall with a rifle and a duck call fighting back.

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A Manhattan federal court sentenced a Lebanese-born Swedish man to life for trying to establish an al Qaeda training camp in Oregon and running sites on how to make bombs. The sites featured materials like “The Mujahideen Explosives Handbook.”
*He also offered a day camp for terrorist wannabes who are too scared to spend the night yet.
*It’s easy to see now why the Jonas Brothers chose to be in “Camp Rock” instead of “Camp Suicide Bomber.”
*Come on, a video of him dropping Mentos into 2-liter Coke bottles doesn’t count as a “bomb-making site.”

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spankingResearch shows kids who are spanked as 1-year-olds are more likely to behave aggressively and perform worse on cognitive tests as toddlers than kids who aren’t.  Researchers also looked at the effects of verbal punishment, which wasn’t harmful if mom was otherwise attentive, loving and supportive.
*…and on her medication.
*Kids who are spanked as 21-year-olds behave aggressively in a whole different way, especially after several Peach Schnapps.
*When I was little there was a big ol’ wooden paddle on the Vice Principal’s wall…and it wasn’t cause he was into boating.

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Prince Harry turned 25, becoming an even more eligible bachelor as he gained access to part of his inheritance from Princess Di.  He’s third in line to the British throne.  Harry and William were left equal shares in their mother’s estate.
*Asked what he wanted for is birthday, Harry said, “The Falkland Islands.”
*I know how he feels, I’m usually third in line for the “throne” at my house too.
*The celebration went fine until Amy Winehouse fell out of a cake and threw up on Harry’s Cricket pants.

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cougarA 107-year-old Malaysian woman says she’s ready to marry for the 23rd time because she fears her current drug addict husband might leave her for a younger woman.  He’s 70 years younger than her.  He’s in rehab now and she’s worried he’ll leave her once the program ends.
*She’s beyond a cougar.  She’s a Wooly Mammoth.
*Wow, even at 107 she’s aware enough to know the only reason her husband married her is he was strung out on heroin.

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2 44-year-olds in Wichita climbed into a dumpster to “be alone” when 2 guys interrupted them and demanded their belongings.  They lost their shoes, jewelry and the man’s wallet.
*It’s a new version of “dumpster-diving” called “dumpster dating.”
*They tried it in a glass recycling bin once, but it was just too noisy.
*Luckily the man’s wallet was the only thing that was theirs.  The jewelry and shoes they fished out of what was already in there.

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chickenPETA wants to rent a prison Virginia plans to close and turn it into the first chicken empathy museum.  The state says they don’t lease to private entities.  But PETA thinks it’s an ideal for exhibits on the mistreatment of chickens raised for slaughter.  It would also have displays detailing chickens’ intelligence.
*Why did the chicken cross the cell block?  “Because you stick with your own f’ing kind or you get shanked, fresh meat!”
*They may be smart, but I noticed there’s not a bucket full of me somewhere.

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The war over the Washington Redskins, the allegedly most offensive team name in pro sports, might finally go to the Supreme Court.  A group of American Indians is asking the court to cancel the trademarks on the name and logos.
*The legal process has been very slow, because the team’s lawyers have been filing all their motions in smoke signals.

©2009, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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