(Delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”! www.notoriousdadmusic.com
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A study shows households with Apple computers are richer than PC people, and they tend to buy hot new products before anyone else. About 12% of US households with computers have Macs, up from 9% in 2008.
*Fortunately, Quicken works on both PC and Mac so you can see how little money you have or how much you’ve blown on the latest toy.
*Remember the good old days when guys used women as status symbols?
*What if we still own the Commodore 64 we got in 1983, how are we doing?
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3 Americans won the Nobel prize in medicine for discovering how chromosomes protect themselves as cells divide, work that’s inspired experimental cancer therapies and may offer insights into aging. Their work was done in the 70s and 80s.
*You mean to tell me the person who decided the safest place to cough is into the fold of your elbow didn’t win?!
*I think one of them should have gone to the poor sap that had to list all the side effects of Ambien in the TV commercials.
*Here’s one insight into aging…you’ll probably die before you’ll win a Nobel prize.
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Italian scientists reproduced the Shroud of Turin, claimed by some to be the cloth that covered Jesus in the tomb, and say that proves it’s a medieval man-made forgery. They used only tools and items that would have been available in the 13th and 14th centuries.
*Scientists say the idea the Shroud is as real as say, the Cloak of Invisibility in Harry Potter, is just absurd.
*Besides, Jesus was perfect, so he would never have left behind dirty sheets.
*The scientists are now working on the Shroud of Sophia Loren, stained with all kinds of makeup.
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The CBS producer accused of blackmailing Letterman used pages from a former assistant’s diary that described an affair with him. 34-year-old Stephanie Birkitt used to live with Robert Halderman, the alleged blackmailer. Meanwhile, an ex-intern revealed Dave keeps a bachelor pad atop the Ed Sullivan Theater.
*Ed used it too, but only to practice making funny faces at himself in the mirror.
*Still, it was awkward for the women he took to the suite because Paul Schaffer was still there to laugh at everything he said.
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Clerks at an Iowa convenience store that was robbed twice in recent months thought they were being robbed again and threw money at a man who was just a customer. Even though the customer was drunk, he just left the bag of money alone and walked out.
*Okay, I know they’re called convenience stores but that’s making it just a little too convenient.
*The customer thought the clerks were just showing him how much the lottery jackpot was up to this week.
*The man returned the very next night hoping they would throw a 40 of Miller Lite at him.
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Conde Nast shut down 4 magazines, including Gourmet, parenthood title Cookie and 2 bridal magazines, Modern Bride and Elegant Bride.
*The magazines will be replaced with more recession-relevant titles like Free Magazine, Car & Home, Elegant Foreclosures, and Joblessweek.
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Norway is number one in the annual UN human development index, but China made the biggest gains. Criteria is life expectancy, literacy, school enrolment and gross domestic product per capita. Niger ranks at the very bottom, just below Afghanistan. We ranked 13th, down one from last year.
*Every year the UN creates this list so that it will know exactly which countries it’s not helping at all are on the bottom.
*Just getting 2-ply toilet paper into the country was enough to rocket China ahead 7 spaces.
*Norway attributes their long life expectancies to the absence of celebrity doctors.
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An Ohio couple gave their vows at a Halloween-themed wedding. 61-year-old Jack Holsinger and 44-year-old Connie Spitznagel were both made up as vampires for their scare-emoney at a haunted house near Cleveland. The minister was dressed as Jason from the “Friday the 13th” movies.
*Let’s see if that’s half as horrifying as the divorce proceedings are going to be down the road.
*Seriously, aren’t bridesmaids dresses scary enough even at normal weddings?
*I take it garlic chicken was not an entrée choice at the reception?
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A London campaign warning girls not to stash or carry guns for their boyfriends was launched by police. “Those who store and carry guns for others are partly responsible for the crimes committed with those weapons. The consequences for them, their families and their friends are worth thinking about.”
*The first slogan of “Tell your man to keep it in his holster” was quickly voted down.
*It all evens out because later on in life, the women always make their guys hold their purses for them in public.
*Carrying the guns is risky, but they sure come in handy when there’s a fight over a big shoe sale.
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Backstreet Boy Brian Litrell has Swine Flu. Having the H1N1 virus, he’s probably suffering symptoms like a fever over 100.4 °F, sore throat, headache, chills, muscle aches, diarrhea and vomiting. The 3 others are okay but have been prescribed Tamiflu just in case.
*N’Sync’s Lance Bass said he knows exactly how Brian feels because he thinks he might have an ingrown leg hair.
*Can we call this what it really is, a pathetic attempt to get on Dr. Oz to promote another tour attempt?
*It is kinda convenient being a music star when you’re sick, because a roadie always rushes out to grab the used Kleenex you throw to the floor.
©2009, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
A survey shows more customers now prefer to bank online compared to more traditional methods. 18-34’s even prefer to do it over their mobile devices. Overall, the popularity of ATMs has declined.
The Houston Astros fired manager Cecil Cooper with 13 games left in the season. The GM said this will give the Astros a chance to evaluate “other facets of our operation.”
Mars wasn’t always red, according to a new theory for how the planet got that way. They think it’s a relatively recent development. A grinding down of rocks from erosion could produce a red mineral that stains the dust on Mars.
Sarah Palin has been relying almost exclusively on social media to get her message out, which lets her stay in the news while avoiding media heat. Her Facebook posts accused authors of the health care proposal of creating “death panels” to decide end of life care. Sarah has over 850,000 “friends.”
Paramedics checked out Kristin Chenoweth after her Emmy win, but she’s fine. The “Pushing Daisies” star felt a migraine coming on after winning Outstanding Supporting Actress in a comedy series. The show, of course, has already been cancelled.
A Florida woman was sentenced to a year and a day for keeping her dead mother’s body in a bedroom for 6 years while collecting over $230,000 in pension benefits. She has to pay $237,876 back to the government.
Legislation to end a ban on Americans traveling to Cuba apparently has enough support in the House to win approval by year-end.
David Hasselhoff says he wasn’t drunk Sunday, he had an ear problem. Paramedics took him to the hospital after daughter Hayley called her mom saying daddy’s blasted again. His people say he was being treated for an ear infection and was taking Antivert plus the anti-alcohol drug Antabuse. The combo messed up his equilibrium.
Obama tells the nation’s school kids they should show up, pay attention, don’t drop out, make sure you wash your hands, and we need them to succeed so the country can compete in the global economy.
The US military faced more criticism in Afghanistan as a charity accused American soldiers of storming through a provincial hospital, breaking down doors and tying up staff.
A bill is being drafted addressing “behavioral advertising” that would impose broad new rules on sites and advertisers. They want to make sure we know what info is being collected about us and how it’s being used to sell things to us.
Ludacris gave away 20 cars to people who wrote about their struggles to keep their jobs because they didn’t have a car. Each of the used vehicles included free gas for 30 days. Winners are responsible for tags, registration, tax and insurance.
The White House environmental adviser under fire for things he said before joined the administration resigned. Van Jones was linked to suggestions 9/11 was a government conspiracy. He says he’s the victim of a smear campaign.
A Pennsylvania history buff who recreates firearms from old wars accidentally fired a 2-pound cannonball through the wall of his neighbor’s home. The cannonball smashed through a window and a wall before landing in a closet.
Stiles Files for February 8, 2012
(The Real Story)
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Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”! http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com
(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com @TheStilesFiles