Apr 25

Japanese soccer ballA soccer ball drifted from Japan after the tsunami all the way to Alaska, where it was recently found.  It was ruled out of bounds.
(The Real Story) 


 

Hugh Hefner86-year-old Hugh Hefner thanked Chicago, where he began Playboy in the early 50s, in a newspaper editorial.  They closed their Chicago offices to consolidate in LA.  Being 86, Hef was the only one left reading the newspaper.
(The Real Story)  


 

hazmat suitA VA teacher was charged with 12 felony counts for allegedly pulling a gun that shoots blanks on his vocational welding students and firing several times.  His defense was it gave the hazardous waste disposal class a chance to mop underneath the students after the incident.
(The Real Story)  


 

prom queenA TX prom queen whose fellow students donated over $17,000 to her charity was arrested and accused of faking cancer.  Other girls at the school were viciously jealous of her for being thin enough to successfully fake cancer.
(The Real Story)  


 

Roger RabbitStarbucks is announcing a partnership to open a store inside each of the 6 Disney properties in FL and CA.  Disney is aiming to remake itself as the “jitteriest place on Earth.”
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 12

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 funniest things on the web daily

 

Iranian rescueUS sailors rescued some Iranian fishermen for the 2nd time in less than a week.  5 days ago, 13 Iranian fishermen were saved from Somali pirates.  Are they shutting down the Strait of Hormuz by keeping us busy rescuing them?
(The Real Story) 


 

Disney castleA 7-year-old boy with cancer was granted his wish to blow up a massive grain silo in OH.  They were going to take him to Disney World, but he asking where Cindrella’s Castle’s structural weak points were.
(The Real Story) 


 

ScrewdriverA CA woman is suing the maker of Tropicana, saying it’s not “100% pure and natural” as claimed.  She says it’s put through extensive processing, and she demands her orange juice be pure and natural when she puts vodka in it.
(The Real Story) 


 

deep dish pizzaA study found nicotine-replacing gums and patches failed to help smokers who quit stay off cigarettes.  Likewise, duct taping a slice of deep-dish pizza to your back does not curb the desire the eat one.
(The Real Story)  


 

kd langk.d. lang is done with longtime girlfriend Jamie Price.  She’s dissolving their domestic partnership.  k.d. says it’s a very difficult time emotionally, but she fully expects to man up.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Oct 07

The Blog Monologue

 

jungle cruiseThe Coast Guard is investigating a FL tourism company that left behind 2 tourists in shark infested waters while they were scuba diving.  That’s nothing, I was left clinging to a robot hippo on the Jungle Cruise at Disney one time.


 

powerballThe GA Lottery says a store clerk’s mistake led to a woman winning $25 million.  She asked for a Mega Millions ticket, but was also given a Powerball ticket, so she went ahead and paid for that one too.  Nobody ever got money like that from accidentally being handed a job application.


 

Big BirdA new poverty-stricken Muppet will highlight hunger on an episode of “Sesame Street.”  Lily’s family deals with what’s been branded “food insecurity.”  Lily is introduced to the show when Elmo catches her plucking Big Bird and licking her lips.


 

MTVMTV will livestream a dance party aiming to surpass the 55-hour record set in Ireland in 2006.  Why not?  They already set the record for most time spent not airing a music video.


 

stressA report show stress is now the most common reason for workers being out sick long-term.  Symptoms are loss of humor and quick loss of temper.  Probably not the best time to play the ol’ “make everything look upside down on somebody’s monitor” joke.


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

 

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC

www.mikestiles.com    @mikestiles

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Apr 01

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

 

A gray-and-white tabby in London named Smokey holds the world record for loudest purr at 73 decibels.  That’s 16 times louder than an average cat.  It’s very similar to the sounds Larry King used to make whenever he was near Marlon Brando.


 

Enrique Iglesias won’t be joining Britney Spears on an upcoming tour despite her announcement he would.  A statement says Iglesias “is sorry for the confusion.”  Britney followed that up by claiming magician David Blaine would open for her by levitating a reunited Abba.


 

After the wedding, Prince William and Kate will be taken from Westminster Abbey to Buckingham Palace in the same 1902 State Landau carriage that carried Charles and Diana back to the palace after their wedding.  It was that or ride inside one of those giant snow globes like at the Disney World parades.


 

Munson, OH is taking the “Easter” out of the egg hunt.  So as to dare not approach the name of Jesus, it’ll be changed to “The Spring Egg Hunt.”  Why don’t they have an agnostic hunt where participants just stand around and doubt the eggs are even out there?


 

The GoDaddy.com CEO who shot and killed an African elephant says he won’t be bullied by PETA.  Bob Parsons claims he was only hunting “problem elephants,” which destroy villagers’ crops.  Speaking of problem elephants, when does Rosie O’Donnell’s new show start?


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Sep 18

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

A woman in England says a severe migraine left her speaking with a French accent.  She also has an overwhelming desire to sleep with an American World War II veteran.


A PA university banned students and staff from all social network sites for a week.  Oh no!  Now people are going to have to write random song lyrics on a physical piece of paper and hand it out to friends.


Obama’s children’s book, “Of Thee I Sing,” was in the top 25 on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com less than 2 days after it was announced.  The original title of his children’s book was “Goodnight Moon, We Can’t Afford to Land On You Anymore.”


Splash Mountain at Disney World shut down briefly because of reports of a burning smell in the electrical room.  Usually fires are automatically put out when obese tourists make the boat splash harder at the bottom.


Forest Lawn Cemetery is now going to charge people $3 to leave flowers at Michael Jackson’s mausoleum .  Hey, that’s what tickets to a Latoya Jackson concert usually cost!


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Aug 24

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

EpcotA woman who accused Disneyland of discrimination for refusing to let her wear a Muslim head scarf at work won’t wear the hat they specially designed for her instead.  She’s now being transferred to the new Hezbollah section of the World Pavilion at Epcot.


YogiA declawed, defanged bear chained to a stake is forced up on its hind legs by hunting dogs.  It’s called “bear baying,” and it’s to make bears taller and easier to shoot.  And if you’ve never participated in “declawed, defanged bear season” in SC, you’re missing an incredibly easy treat.


David SchwimmerJennifer Aniston will pay a visit to Courteney Cox on the season debut of “Cougar Town” next month.  Interestingly, on “Friends,” Ross and Rachel were on a break.  And now, David Schwimmer and acting are on a break.


Killer WhaleOSHA fined SeaWorld $75,000 in the Feb. death of a trainer.  It suggests trainers not have physical contact with killer whales, in or out of the water, unless protected by a physical barrier.  A little cruel to have killer whales jump over trainers and smack into a giant wall of plexiglass, but it might be entertaining.


VuvuzelaThe “vuvuzela” is now in the Oxford Dictionary of English.  Meanwhile, where other people at the stadium want to shove the vuvuzela has made it into the New England Journal of Medicine.


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Aug 12

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

2 ancient animal bones from Ethiopia show signs of butchering by human ancestors, moving back the first use of stone tools about 800,000 years.  And only 1 week after that time period came the first evidence of infomercials.


Spacewalking astronauts used brute force to remove a broken coolant pump to restore normal operations at the Space Station.  It’s the same kind of brute force that was needed to remove Buzz Aldrin from “Dancing With the Stars.”


A judge is considering whether a Pittsburgh man can legally change his name to Boomer the Dog.  Gary Mathews is a huge fan of the 80’s show “Here’s Boomer.”  He fell in love with the wrong TV show.  It would have been much easier to get his name changed to “Alf.”


Famed British music producer Mike Stock says, ‘The music industry has gone too far.  These days 99% of the charts is R&B, and 99% of that is soft pornography.”  Which recent CD release made him think that, “Girl What I’m Gonna Do To You Is Illegal in 12 States,” or “What I’m Gonna Do To You Would Make Nature Nauseous”?


While visiting Epcot, a PA woman alleges Donald Duck grabbed her breast and molested her when she asked for an autograph.  After the groping, Donald made gestures “indicating he had done something wrong.”  Oh, I guess we’re not going to talk about what the Bill Clinton animatron at the Hall of Presidents did to her, huh?


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Aug 05

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

Iran’s official news agency said somebody tried to assassinate President Ahmadinejad with an explosion near his convoy.  Turns out it was just an excited fan setting off fireworks.  The most disturbing part about this was that Iran was allowed to develop bottle rocket technology despite all our economic sanctions.


45 years after a PA woman sent a fan letter to Eddie Munster, she’s dating him.  Donna McCall was 10 when she wrote Butch Patrick.  At 55, she sent him a picture of her when she was a Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader, and they met at a horror convention.  That’s good to hear since she’d already been turned down by Timmy from “Lassie” and Bud from “Flipper.”


Wyclef Jean announced his bid for president of Haiti.  Analysts say the founding member of The Fugees should win easily.  In a related story, the surviving member of Milli Vanilli wants to be made King of Fiji.


The next attraction to open at Disney World will be for dogs.  Best Friends Pet Resort will offer not just boarding, but bedtime stories, a water park, TV’s, walking trails and Frisbee fields.  Overall, there really is way too much to pee on all in one day.


The cop from the Village People claim he’s a “dark horse candidate” to be an American Idol judge.  Victor Willis told them he selected the members of the Village People, “the most iconic group of all time.”  Well, Jesus’ disciples were pretty iconic, but they never took the time to work up a catchy dance routine.


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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