Mar 16

Stiles Files for March 16, 2012

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Bridget JonesObama and British Prime Minister David Cameron agreed on the plan to withdraw forces from Afghanistan by 2014 and keep pressure on Iran over its nuclear program.  They also agreed there shouldn’t be any more Bridget Jones movies.
(The Real Story) 

 

Home ImprovementPrince Harry says sometimes he and Prince William wish they were just normal instead of royals.  If he wants to be completely ignored, maybe he should disguise himself as one of the child actors from “Home Improvement.”
(The Real Story) 

 

mammothSouth Korean and Russian scientists are planning to bring the woolly mammoth back to life using an elephant egg.  What you’re left with is a mammal that’s terrified of mice but can at least stab them through the heart with their tusks.
(The Real Story)  

 

cowDairy cows everywhere are mourning the loss of “Jocko,” the world’s 3rd most-potent breeding bull.  He left behind as many as 400,000 kids after a 17-year career.  Jocko’s favorite move was “the milkshake.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Mary Todd LincolnBobblehead dolls of Abe Lincoln assassin John Wilkes Booth have been pulled from the Gettysburg visitor’s center bookstore as being inappropriate.  Guess the Mary Todd Lincoln “Wacky Taffy” isn’t going over well either, huh?
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 22

Stiles Files for February 22, 2012

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mobile videoYouTube is creating tons more original programming since 18-34 year olds are watching video on phones, tablets and computers.  What’s sad are the ones who watch the same video over and over on their phone and complain there’s nothing on but repeats.
(The Real Story) 

 

wedgieA growing number of teens and even younger kids who think they were born the wrong sex are getting support from parents and docs who give them sex-changing treatments.  These include getting an atomic wedgie in PE.
(The Real Story)  

 

cowThe world’s first “test-tube” meat, a burger made from a cow’s stem cells, will be produced this fall.  No way!  Before I eat a burger I demand to know who the father is!
(The Real Story)  

 

Chris TuckerBritain is facing a “massive” rise in antibiotic-resistant blood poisoning caused by E.coli, bringing closer the possibility of diseases impossible to treat.  Officials say the diseases resist antibiotics like Chris Tucker resists taxes.
(The Real Story)  

 

Elton JohnElton John came down with a nasty case of food poisoning in Vegas and had to cancel a show at Caesars Palace.  His stomach was so bad, he was lighting candles in the wind just as a courtesy to those near the restroom.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 16

Stiles Files for February 16, 2012

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Tom BradyAll the remaining candidates can tout first place finishes in at least one state, except for Ron Paul.  Despite heavy investment in caucus states, he has yet to win one.  That’s okay.  Tom Brady can’t come in first anymore but he still keeps trying too.
(The Real Story) 

 

TwinkieWorkers at Hostess, maker of Twinkies, Ho Hos and Wonder Bread, have threatened to strike if the company imposes “unfair” contract terms like wage cuts.  Most workers are rejecting “all the cream filling you want” as part of their official compensation package.
(The Real Story)  

 

OprahOprah got in trouble with ratings company Nielsen for specifically encouraging Nielsen families to watch her new interview show on OWN.  Obviously it was also wrong of her to offer free cars to every Nielsen family who watched too.
(The Real Story)  

 

WD-40Director Michael Bay plans a 4th installment in “Transformers.”  This one is going to have lots of obvious product placement in it…mostly WD40.
(The Real Story)  

 

Robin WilliamsLast week, a video surfaced claiming to show a live woolly mammoth crossing a river in Russia.  It became an Internet sensation, but turned out to be a hoax.  Turns out it was just a Robin Williams movie.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 10

Stiles Files for February 10, 2012

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Ann RomneyRick Santorum stunned Mitt Romney, winning the Colorado and Minnesota caucuses, and Missouri’s nonbinding primary.  Mitt’s wife was caught on camera yelling, “Mitt can’t campaign for the [expletive] votes and [expletive] cast the votes!”
(The Real Story)

 

blood pressure machineSpermCheck, a male fertility test, will soon be in Walgreen’s and CVS.  Of course, it will be terribly awkward when guys mistake the free blood pressure check machine for the SpermCheck.
(The Real Story)

 

Gary BuseyGary Busey has filed for bankruptcy with less than $50,000 in assets.  And every movie studio in town has turned down his idea to make a sequel to “The Buddy Holly Story” where he comes back as a zombie.
(The Real Story)

 

Justice LeagueThe Model Alliance has been formed to make sure models aren’t mistreated.  Most evil masterminds would much rather be taken down by the Model Alliance than the Justice League.
(The Real Story)

 

carChicago must decide what to do about a vehicle sticker design containing gang symbols tied to the Maniac Latin Disciples.  It also doesn’t help that the slogan on car tags says, “This is My Ride Bitches!”
(The Real Story)

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 24

Stiles Files for January 24, 2012

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Newt GingirchA Russian scientist published what he claims is evidence of life on Venus.  Its atmosphere is carbon dioxide, it’s waterless, volcano-riddled and 894 degrees.  Experts say the only life that could survive in that hostile an environment is Newt Gingrich.
(The Real Story) 

 

JuddsA tour bus carrying country music star Lee Brice caught fire outside a restaurant near Phoenix, forcing he and his crew to flee.  Not since the Judds reunion’s tragic hairspray incident of 2010 has a country music tour bus been so flammable.
(The Real Story)  

 

MC HammertVanilla Ice’s DIY home improvement show is starting its 2nd season.  And unfortunately for a fellow 80’s performer’s catch phrase, Ice starts out each episode by yelling, “It’s hammer time!”
(The Real Story)  

 

rain cloudA newly proposed law in South Africa would punish unauthorized weather forecasts with up to 5 years in jail time and $630,000 in fines.  That’s why every South African forecast calls for a 1-99% chance of rain.
(The Real Story)  

 

MadonnaDays after the accident, docs found a 3 1/4-inch nail in the middle of an IL man’s brain.  They got it out, and also lucky for him, the only memories damaged by the nail were of Madonna’s Golden Globes acceptance speech.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 13

Stiles Files for January 13, 2012

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Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 funniest things on the web daily

 

Stedman GrahamPastor Joel Osteen told Oprah while acting on homosexuality is a sin, gay people will go to heaven.  Oddly, he then went on and on to her about what a handsome man Stedman is.
(The Real Story) 

 

Christina AguilaraThe Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists moved its “Doomsday Clock” to 5 minutes to midnight.  It got closest to midnight when Christina Aguilara was told backstage at “The Voice” she couldn’t have all the ice cream she wanted.
(The Real Story)  

 

Justin Bieber16-year-old Laura Dekker is on the final leg of her solo sailing trip from Cape Town, South Africa, to the Caribbean island of St. Maarten.  She’s on pace to reach port around Jan. 24.  Mostly because she’s been lied to that Justin Bieber is waiting for her there.
(The Real Story)  

 

BeethovenA rare handwritten letter by Beethoven complaining about an eye disorder and not having enough money has turned up.  He was also contemplating changing his name from Ludwig to just “Luda.”
(The Real Story)  

 

hospitalA study confirms hospital rooms are noisy, with noise levels sometimes reaching that of a chainsaw.  The worst noises are when nearby patients find out Medicare isn’t covering half of the procedures they’ve had.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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