Mar 16

Stiles Files for March 16, 2012

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Bridget JonesObama and British Prime Minister David Cameron agreed on the plan to withdraw forces from Afghanistan by 2014 and keep pressure on Iran over its nuclear program.  They also agreed there shouldn’t be any more Bridget Jones movies.
(The Real Story) 

 

Home ImprovementPrince Harry says sometimes he and Prince William wish they were just normal instead of royals.  If he wants to be completely ignored, maybe he should disguise himself as one of the child actors from “Home Improvement.”
(The Real Story) 

 

mammothSouth Korean and Russian scientists are planning to bring the woolly mammoth back to life using an elephant egg.  What you’re left with is a mammal that’s terrified of mice but can at least stab them through the heart with their tusks.
(The Real Story)  

 

cowDairy cows everywhere are mourning the loss of “Jocko,” the world’s 3rd most-potent breeding bull.  He left behind as many as 400,000 kids after a 17-year career.  Jocko’s favorite move was “the milkshake.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Mary Todd LincolnBobblehead dolls of Abe Lincoln assassin John Wilkes Booth have been pulled from the Gettysburg visitor’s center bookstore as being inappropriate.  Guess the Mary Todd Lincoln “Wacky Taffy” isn’t going over well either, huh?
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 25

Stiles Files for January 25, 2012

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Al GreenA reporter compiled a list of the hard compromises and concessions of Obama’s first term based on internal memos.  And it’s still happening.  He had to give up plans to deliver the entire State of the Union address by singing it like Al Green.
(The Real Story) 

 

Sean PennA diver swimming with sharks in the Bahamas had to fight off a shark with his camera.  The shark bit down on his camera instead of his head.  Fortunately the photog was trained for such an incident because he used to be a paparazzo assigned to Sean Penn.
(The Real Story)

 

Aretha FranklinAretha Franklin has called off her engagement, saying things were moving too fast.  For instance, Aretha had not only already ordered the wedding cake, she went ahead and ate it.
(The Real Story)  

 

beeManagers of the Valley Heritage Park in England are considering introducing a hive of bees to deter vandals from damaging historic buildings.  Is that anything like the drones we use to monitor Afghanistan?
(The Real Story) 

 

Poseidon AdventureThe owners of the Costa Concordia are offering survivors of the disaster 30% off future cruises!  They also get VIP treatment at the new onboard show, “Poseidon Adventure the Musical.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jun 17

Stiles Files for June 17, 2011

celebrities, commentary, current events, humor, jokes, Uncategorized No Comments »
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The Blog Monologue

 

Ginger LeeA former porn actress who said she exchanged emails and messages over Twitter with Rep. Anthony Weiner said he asked her to lie about their online communications.  Ginger Lee said they mostly discussed politics.  Probably pork projects.

 

pimpAfghans can’t sell any cars with “39″ on the license plate because the number somehow became synonymous with pimping.  I don’t even have the heart to tell them the latest fashion trend in Kabul of large overcoats and purple, furry hats is only going to add to their frustrations.

 

KrystalBaltimore has a teen curfew.  Kids under 17 can’t be out without an adult past a certain time.  If they’re caught they go to a Curfew Center where they can get a bite and wait for their parents.  We have something similar.  It’s called Krystals.

 

Steven TylerJennifer Lopez says she’s “on the fence” about returning to “Idol” next season because she’s so busy.  In a related story, Stephen Tyler is literally on a fence, unsure how he got there.

 

Crystal HarrisPlayboy Playmate Crystal Harris explained her shocking decision not to marry Hugh Hefner.  “This isn’t the lifestyle for me, multiple girls all around, it’s not the lifestyle I wanted.”  However Charlie Sheen is expected to propose to Hef this weekend.

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

 

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC

www.mikestiles.com @mikestiles

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Nov 04

Stiles Files for November 4, 2010

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(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

CA Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger says welfare recipients can no longer use state-issued debit cards at medical marijuana shops, psychics and other businesses “inconsistent with the program.”  That’s really not fair.  If you can’t use welfare dollars to consult a psychic, how are you going to know what lottery numbers to play?

2 PA dentists are offering a candy buyback program to save the teeth of young trick-or-treaters.  They’ll pay $1 a pound and the candy will be sent to US troops in Afghanistan and Iraq.  Children, however, must really want to make sure our soldiers floss, because that’s what they’ve been bringing and dumping at the dentists’ door instead.

TV Land is reuniting Mary Tyler Moore with her 70’s sitcom sidekick Betty White.  She’ll guest star on the second-season premiere of White’s, “Hot in Cleveland.”  Mary agreed to do the show mostly because neither Rhoda nor Phyllis have TV shows right now.

As part of a series of events commemorating the 25th anniversary of its arrival in Japan, Domino’s is set to hire one lucky person to work part time for them at $31,030/hr.  Which is actually what Ted Kennedy was trying to get our minimum wage up to back when he was alive.

In case you didn’t hear, the SF Giants won the World Series.  But ratings were low, and Obama didn’t even call to congratulate the winning team.  Considering he did call Bret Michaels to congratulate him for scoring with Miley Cyrus’ mom, that’s a pretty big dis.

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Sep 09

Stiles Files for Sept 9, 2010

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(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

ObamaThe White House East Room will be the setting for Michelle Obama’s new dance series.  There’ll be workshops in ballet, modern, hip hop and Broadway.  Then for a finale, Barack will dance around his poll numbers.

FarmvilleA Japanese journalist held hostage in Afghanistan for 5 months managed to send out a tweet when his captors asked him how to use a cell phone.  Of course, he could have got them hooked on Farmville and walked right out unnoticed.

Lance BurtonThe Monte Carlo casino-resort in Vegas replaced magician Lance Burton with a hip-hop dance crew from “America’s Best Dance Crew.”  Casino officials say the only thing that could possibly interfere with the dance crew deal is if they all got sawed in half.

Designer Diane von Furstenberg helped the Cleveland Clinic create a more stylish hospital gown.  But imagine the horror female patients will have when they see all the other women patients are wearing the same gown they are.

SnookiThere’s a derogatory nickname for summer tourists who visit the Jersey shore: FOOTs.  It’s an acronym for “Out Of Towners” preceded by an obscenity.  Many locals resent visitors, blaming them for noise, traffic and trash.  I thought they were proud of their trash.  After all, they gave them their own reality TV show.

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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