Mar 17

Nike black and tanA new Nike sneaker, the Black and Tan, is offending the Irish as that was the name of a brutal British suppression.  They say it’s “the American equivalent of calling a sneaker ‘the Al Qaeda.'”  I assume Al Qaeda shoes would be very hard to find.
(The Real Story) 


 

rocket launcherAmazingly, the TSA confiscate 4 handguns a day among the contraband it takes from airline customers.  But in all fairness, they need a gun in their carry-on in case the airline loses the rocket launcher in their checked baggage.
(The Real Story)  


 

Denzel WashingtonObama’s campaign paid $345,353 for the 17-minute documentary on him by Oscar-winning director Davis Guggenheim.  It wouldn’t have cost so much if it didn’t star Denzel Washington as Obama and wasn’t shot in 3-D.
(The Real Story)  


 

pizzaUrology Associates of Cape Cod has a new promo.  Get a vasectomy there, and you’ll get a free large pizza with one topping afterwards while you recover.  Just be sure they know exactly what you’re talking about when you tell them how many slices you want.
(The Real Story)  


 

GallagherGallagher was hospitalized in TX after suffering a heart attack before he was supposed to perform.  If he gets hold of a hammer and starts heading for colostomy bags in the hospital, somebody should really stop him.
(The Real Story)  


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 01

droneIraqi officials expressed outrage at the ongoing US use of drones in the Iraqi skies.  Mostly because they think it’s tacky they pull banners behind them advertising seafood buffets.
(The Real Story) 


 

coffee filterA CA company’s Stay Warm line of cold-weather clothing is made from recycled coffee beans.  They also make baby clothing out of it, but nobody ever wants to change the filter.
(The Real Story)  


 

coachAn IA woman gave birth to a 13 lbs. and 13 oz boy with no surgery or epidural.  Only 1/10 of 1% of all newborns weigh over 11 pounds at birth.  High school recruiters pacing in the waiting room congratulated her on the delivery.
(The Real Story)  


 

George WashingtonAfter George Washington died in 1799, his family nearly took an offer from a doc who thought he could bring him back to life.  He was going to use blankets, an air pump and lamb’s blood.  Which is also what Conrad Murray had on hand to treat Michael Jackson.
(The Real Story)  


 

Billy CundiffFor all the promise and buzz, analysts say the public is taking a ho-hum view of 3D televisions.  Buyers don’t see it as a “necessity,” and no matter how many dimensions you look at it, the Ravens’ Billy Cundiff really did miss that field goal.
(The Real Story) 


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 23

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A book on Area 51 says there was no alien spacecraft that crashed in Roswell, NM in 1947.  It was a Soviet spy plane with weird-looking, genetically engineered child-sized pilots.  Stalin was hoping to cause a panic.  It was 1947, all it would have taken to cause a mass panic is for a black guy to walk down the street holding hands with a white woman.


 

Danish filmmaker Lars von Trier was booted out of the Cannes Film Festival for saying of Hitler, “I sympathize with him a little bit.  But I’m not against Jews.  I am very much for Jews.  Not too much, because Israel is a pain in the ass.”  But not more so than Christian Bale on a film set.


 

“Titanic” is coming back to theaters in 3-D April 6 of next year.  I’m sure the people of Mississippi and Louisiana in particular are excited right now to go to the movies and have another wall of water come right at them.


 

A study says looking for hospital ratings on the net or in magazines may not be in your best interests.  It showed for 3 types of cancer surgery, “America’s 50 Best Hospitals” are no better than others.  But finding surgeons on Craigslist…noticeably more dangerous than going to any hospital.


 

A former officer says Russian troops were fed dog food earlier this year to save money.  It wasn’t so bad.  When it rained on the battlefield it made its own gravy.


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Feb 08

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Nasdaq found “suspicious files” on its servers and say hackers could have affected one of its apps.  No evidence customer info or the trading platforms were compromised, but it’s still alarming someone can hack in and change all the three letter stock symbols to say “ASS”.


Mark Zuckerberg’s dad says early exposure to computers inspired his interest in technology.  Dr. Edward Zuckerberg is a dentist and let little Mark play on the computers in the office.  In fact, dad also encouraged Mark to give out patients’ private info from their files.


Chicago Symphony Orchestra music director Riccardo Muti fainted during rehearsal and was hospitalized.  He’s stable and talking but cut his jaw when he fell.  Hopefully he just got the wind section knocked out of him.


Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer says she didn’t steal a $2,500 necklace.  Her defense actually has a pretty good case, ready to point out that you can’t drink or smoke a necklace, so why would she want it?


College thriller “The Roommate” was top of the box office.  3-D underwater cave adventure “Sanctum,” was 2nd.  The 3D medical drama “Sphincter” came in 12th.


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Jan 22

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

A CA woman with vocal cord damage can speak again after getting a rare voice box transplant.  She used to “talk” with a device that sounds like an electronic voice.  It was awful.  Every time she gave her GPS voice commands, it fell in love.


Macy Gray asked her Facebook fans if she should cancel concerts in Israel because of the “disgusting” way the Israeli government treats Palestinians.  One respondent to the poll asked, “Didn’t you go by the name of Tracy Chapman back in the 80’s?”


Jesse James is engaged to tattoo artist Kat Von D.  They started dating after his split from Sandra Bullock.  Kat is even going to title their wedding video based on a Bullock movie and call it, “While You Were Slumming.”


Optometrists say as many as 1 in 4 viewers have problems watching 3-D movies and TV.  It makes people queasy, dizzy, and gives them headaches.  Especially when you’re watching those birthing shows on TLC.


Burglars in Miami snorted the cremated remains of a woman’s father they’d stolen, thinking it was cocaine.  Well, her dad’s name was “Buzz.”


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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Nov 06

(Delayed 24 hours for radio/TV clients)

Scientists have taken a big step toward displaying live video in 3D, much like the “Star Wars” scene where Princess Leia’s image pleads, “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.”  Just think, we’re moving toward a time when telemarketers can beam themselves right into the kitchen to interrupt your dinner!


For the first time, scientists have restored the ability of previously blind patients to recognize letters, fruit and other items using microchip implants.  Unfortunately, the first thing many of the patients got a look at was Susan Boyle and were crushed that’s where that voice has been coming from.


MGM filed for bankruptcy.  The studio that controls the James Bond films and made “The Wizard of Oz” will hand control over to its lenders.  The first warning sign was when little foreclosure signs started popping up in front of houses in Munchkinland.


CA voters declined to legalize marijuana, heeding warnings of legal chaos and smokers getting behind the wheel or showing up to work high.  At least proponents had the shortest concession speech on election night.  “Bummer.”


The Philly TSA worker who earlier this year was fired for claiming to find cocaine in people’s luggage as a joke displayed vials of white powder and asked, “Did this come out of your bag?”  Of course, anyone who jokes about drugs in another country usually winds up on an episode of A&E’s “Locked Up Abroad.”


Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  www.notoriousdadmusic.com

©2010, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com

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