Dec 02

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 Funniest Things on the Web Daily

 

Selena GomezJohn Hinckley Jr., who tried to kill Reagan to impress Jodie Foster, is trying to get more visits outside his mental hospital.  Officials feel Obama could be in danger because Hinckley’s now kinda hot for Selena Gomez.
(The Real Story)


 

cell tower treeThe Eiffel Tower may soon become the world’s tallest tree, after a proposed plan to cover the 1,063 ft. structure with plants.  But that certainly doesn’t beat our “cell towers disguised as trees” concept here in the US.
(The Real Story)


 

Wall-EIn South Korea, they’ve started testing $864,000 robot prison guards.  Critics give it one week before they’re captured, torn apart and sold as shanks.
(The Real Story)


 

Burger KingBurger King changed its French fry recipe to make them thicker, crisper and hotter.  They have yet to accept our “ketchup embedded in each fry” suggestion.
(The Real Story)


 

walmartAt least 2 people were jabbed by syringes found in clothing at a Walmart in GA over the past 2 weeks.  Trying to put a positive spin on it, Walmart sent out fliers reading, “We’re Vaccinating You Against High Prices!”
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Dec 01

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 Funniest Things on the Web Daily

 

Herman CainHerman Cain is reportedly considering ending his presidential bid after a woman emerged claiming a 13-year affair.  He was with her the whole time he was battling cancer?  That’s one hell of a Make-a-Wish Foundation request.
(The Real Story)


 

sleeping manResearch shows dreams help us recover from a bad day.  The brain uses that time to process emotional experiences in a “safe” environment.  I’d hardly call being at work without any pants on a “safe environment.”
(The Real Story)


 

babyA woman gave birth in a restroom at Baltimore’s airport right after arriving on a flight.  She held out for fear of being charged on board for the extra ticket.
(The Real Story)


 

Melissa EtheridgeMies Contatiner, a new restaurant in South Korea, has all male staffers dressed as macho construction workers.  Mies Contatiner translates in English to “Melissa Etheridge is never going to eat here.”
(The Real Story)


 

Joel Osteen“Survivor’s” Mark Burnett is teaming up with Joel Osteen for a network show.  There’ll be a tribal council like on “Survivor,” except they’re going to call it “Judgment Day.”
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Nov 30

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 Funniest Things on the Web Daily

 

pepper sprayA strong start to the shopping season sent stocks sharply higher.  People who used pepper spray on other traders are the ones who got the best stock deals.
(The Real Story)


 

car fireGM insists its Chevy Volt is safe even after 3 of the Volt’s electric batteries caught fire after safety tests.  Isn’t the solution obvious?  Develop cars that run on fire.
(The Real Story)


 

pole dancerThe price of the items in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” went over $100,000 for the first time.  If you’re an NBA player in a Vegas VIP lounge, dancing ladies alone can run up a $30,000 tab.
(The Real Story)


 

fatA Cleveland 3rd grader who weighed over 200 lbs. was taken from his mom for medical neglect.  Just as well.  The other kids were tired of him always bringing in “bad cholesterol” for show and tell.
(The Real Story)


 

Frosty the SnowmanA man in a Frosty the Snowman costume was arrested during a Christmas parade in MD for fighting with police and kicking at a police dog.  Tense as the situation was, no one could stop laughing when cops ordered him to freeze.
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Nov 29

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 Funniest Things on the Web Daily

 

pepper sprayCustomers getting pepper-sprayed, looters, blood in the aisles, and death.  That was Black Friday in America.  Probably not such a good idea to make pepper-spray one of the doorbuster items.
(The Real Story)


 

Magic 8 BallObama upset some folks by eliminating God from his Thanksgiving-themed weekly Internet address.  He said his family was “reflecting on how lucky we are.”  Which leads many to believe he makes decisions using one of those Magic 8-Balls.
(The Real Story)


 

TwitterKansas’ Governor squealed on an 18-year-old girl who tweeted during a state capitol visit.  She had to write letters of apology.  The worst part was the letters had to be longer than 140 characters.
(The Real Story)


 

dead birdAuthor Barbara Walsh sugarcoats nothing in her children’s book “Sammy in the Sky,” which is intended to help kids deal with the death of a pet.  This is the follow-up to her earlier book, “Oh Well, Time to Flush Tweetie.”
(The Real Story)


 

Paris HiltonParis Hilton did her part to help the economy by buying a 2012 California Spyder Ferrari worth $300,000.  She also has 2 Bentleys, a Lexus LFA, a hybrid Escalade and a Range Rover.  It’s getting so it’s hard to know which vehicle to get busted for cocaine possession in Vegas in.
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Nov 21

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 Funniest Things on the Web Daily

 

wooden duckA watchdog group put out its list of the worst children’s toys.  It includes a “Samurai Mega Blade,” a Godzilla with dagger-like attachments, even a wooden duck whose string could strangle somebody.  Especially if the kid is given a wooden duck for Christmas instead of the PS3 they wanted.
(The Real Story)


 

Sean PennThe Vatican will take legal action to stop Benetton ads showing the Pope kissing an imam on the mouth.  They also have Obama kissing Hugo Chavez on the mouth.  And everyone knows only Sean Penn has really done that.
(The Real Story)


 

clarinetAmy Winehouse had written all the songs that were to appear on her 3rd album.  But her plans were to release a jazz album first.  The first jazz song was going to be “Hey This Clarinet Makes a Good Swizzle Stick.”
(The Real Story)


 

turkeyA college lacrosse player in RI was busted for killing a rabbit with a hockey stick and using the body as a puck.  He was released and will be allowed to go home to NY for Thanksgiving…for the family’s traditional smashing of a live turkey with a croquet mallet.
(The Real Story)


 

justin bieberDemi Moore will divorce Ashton Kutcher after 6 years, strongly suggesting it’s because Ashton cheated.  In September, a woman claimed she had unprotected sex with him in San Diego…thinking he was Justin Bieber.
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Nov 16

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 Funniest Things on the Web Daily

 

KardashianNBA players rejected the league’s latest offer, likely jeopardizing the season.  Not surprising they turned it down since part of the league’s offer was all players get to eventually marry a Kardashian.
(The Real Story)


 

Abraham LincolnChelsea Clinton will work for NBC News as a “special correspondent.”  Jenna Bush Hager, daughter of George W., has been a “Today” show correspondent since 2009.  And don’t forget the new Saturday morning animated show on NBC featuring those wacky Lincoln boys!
(The Real Story)


 

Casey AnthonyTim McGraw and Kenny Chesney are joining forces on a stadiums-only tour next summer.  It should do much better than the Casey Anthony/Kate Gosselin comedy tour.
(The Real Story)


 

croquetRussia plans to buy 10,000 badminton rackets and tens of thousands of shuttlecocks for their military next year.  They say badminton uses the same muscles as throwing grenades.  But it’s not going to help them when some breakaway Russian Republic comes at them with croquet mallets.
(The Real Story)


 

roadA San Jose man found $500,000 worth of cocaine jammed in the door panels of a used minivan he’d just bought.  He suspected something was up when the van left an additional white center line as it went down the road.
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Nov 15

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 Funniest Things on the Web Daily

 

Occupy Wall StreetTom Morello of Rage Against the Machine is one of many artists supporting the Occupy movement.  He’s sung in numerous cities and will contribute to an album of songs for the protests.  His first release will be “Hey Watch It, My Tent is Downstream from Yours.”
(The Real Story)


 

Prince CharlesMichael Jackson’s personal manager, who knew him since he was 5, says Princess Di was at the top of Jackson’s list of women he wanted to date.  Which is great, because Prince Charles was probably the only man alive Michael could take in a fight.
(The Real Story)


 

Howard Stern“America’s Got Talent” may have a new judge in Howard Stern.  He’s in negotiations to replace the departing Piers Morgan.  All contestants will be notified they should be prepared to remove their tops at a moment’s notice.
(The Real Story)


 

RamosAfter over 48 hours in captivity, Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos was freed from kidnappers in Venezuela.  Police rescued him and 3 kidnappers are in custody.  It took longer than expected because every time he gave police the hand signal to move in, they kept shaking their head.
(The Real Story)


 

Little Engine that CouldPorn company Vivid Entertainment is hoping Sasha Grey has opened the door for adult stars to read books to kids.  She participated at an elementary school in the Read Across America program.  She read the children’s classic, “The Little Engine that Could, and Did, Twice.”
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Nov 11

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 Funniest Things on the Web Daily

 

Homeland SecurityObama will ask government agencies to cut back on promotional items.  Looks like I won’t be getting that wacky Homeland Security, “Official Airport Pat-Down Specialist” t-shirt for Christmas this year.
(The Real Story)


 

Family CircusBil Keane, creator of the one-panel comic “Family Circus” died at 89.  He will be buried in a circular coffin with a little dashed line leading all the way to the cemetery.
(The Real Story)


 

MRIWalmart wants to offer a range of medical services from basic prevention to management of chronic conditions like diabetes and heart disease.  I hate the long lines while people try to figure out the self-MRI machines.
(The Real Story)


 

fruitcakeObama quickly reversed a plan to tax live Christmas trees this season.  Instead, there will be a special tax imposed for the safe, professional disposal of fruitcakes.
(The Real Story)


 

Stephen KingStephen King announced his foundation will help struggling Maine residents buy heating oil.  Of course, the oil will be delivered by semi-dismembered psychopaths, but you’ve got to do things Stephen’s way.
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC

www.mikestiles.com    @mikestiles

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Nov 10

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 Funniest Things on the Web Daily

 

PropofolThe UN nuke watchdog says Iran has worked on developing an atomic bomb design and may still be doing research on it.  They’re also secretly trying to develop a safer sleeping drug for celebrities than Propofol.
(The Real Story)


 

KindleTo make voting easier for the elderly and disabled, 5 counties in OR can cast their votes on iPads.  There hasn’t been news this big since they announced you can download Obama’s teleprompter in advance to your Kindle.
(The Real Story)


 

Occupy Wall StreetA Japanese company has a new robot exo-skeleton that aims to speed up the cleanup at Fukushima.  If it works there, they may use it to clean out the Occupy Wall Street campsite.
(The Real Story)


 

Norman BatesRussian police arrested a man for digging up 29 corpses and dressing the remains in female clothing to display around his house.  Hey, it’s better than back in the Soviet days when you had to wait in a really long line to dig up corpses.
(The Real Story)


 

SnickersCandy Spelling, wife of producer Aaron Spelling, won $90,000 on the slots in Vegas.  In 2007, she won $200k, and in 2008, she won $180k.  And she won a car in a charity raffle a few years ago.  In a related story, a homeless person found a Snicker’s wrapper, but it was empty.
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com
    @mikestiles

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Nov 09

Bookmark the main Stiles Files site for the 10 Funniest Things on the Web Daily

 

Where's WaldoArt restorers in Rome found the figure of a devil hidden in the clouds of a famous frescos by Giotto in the Basilica of St Francis in Assisi.  Was it wearing a red & white striped shirt and glasses?  Cause that’s Waldo, not Satan.
(The Real Story)


 

chicken poxAuthorities warned parents avoiding chicken pox vaccines a mail-order scheme to share lollipops licked by kids infected with the disease is not only unsafe but illegal.  That’s nothing compared to the people offering immunity to STD’s over Craigslist.
(The Real Story)


 

Penn StateNY’s Suffolk County is firing Santa Claus.  They can’t justify the $660 to pay the 83-year-old who usually does it.  They’re hoping someone will volunteer to do it for free.  You know, maybe someone from Penn State.
(The Real Story)


 

penguinsZookeepers in Toronto will split up 2 male African penguins who appear to be a couple.  They apparently spend a good bit of time preening each other.  You might remember the documentary about gay penguins, “Brokeback Glacier.”
(The Real Story)


 

Al GoreA bronze statue of Ronald Reagan in Newport Beach was vandalized.  They tied something around the top of it and tried to pull it over with their car.  Same thing happened to Al Gore, but it was really Al Gore, not a statue.
(The Real Story)


 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)

©2011, The Stiles Company, LLC

www.mikestiles.com    @mikestiles

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