May 19

Stiles Files for May 19, 2012

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Lipizzaner StallionsA white Arabian horse got spooked at a beach near Santa Barbara and swam 2 miles out into the ocean.  If you think that’s something, you should see the Lipizzaner Stallions do their synchronized swimming routine.
(The Real Story) 

 

Taylor SwiftTaylor Swift is donating $4 million to the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum.  The only stipulation is she gets to open a permanent “ex-boyfriends I’m still pissed off at” exhibit.
(The Real Story)  

 

stripper67-year-old Robert White died after getting several lap dances at a TX strip club.  And believe me, if you’ve ever tried to do a lap dance to “Taps,” it’s not easy.
(The Real Story)  

 

alligatorA NC man was bitten on the arm trying to corral an alligator using…a towel.  Forget the towel.  The trick is to preoccupy the gator by making it try to fold a fitted sheet while you strap its mouth shut.
(The Real Story)  

 

Joe BidenBreitbart revealed a 1991 promo booklet by Obama’s then-literary agency touting that he was “born in Kenya.”  Come on, if he were born in Kenya, Joe Biden would have already blurted that out already.
(The Real Story)  

 

Don’t be selfish…make a habit of sharing this with your friends, many of whom could seriously use a laugh.

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 18

Stiles Files for May 18, 2012

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SkechersSkechers will pay $40 million to settle unfounded claims Shape-ups help people lose weight and strengthen muscles.  They can easily come up with the money thanks to their new line of Hook-ups, the shoe that’s guaranteed to get you sex.
(The Real Story) 

 

Jennifer AnistonThe adviser that vetted Sarah Palin for John McCain said even though they lost, he stands by a “high risk, high reward” philosophy.  He suggests Romney pick Jennifer Aniston.
(The Real Story)  

 

Free Willy350 lb. Bill Wisth is protesting a WI all-you-can-eat restaurant that cut him off after eating 12 fish.  They gave him 8 fish to go away, for a total of 20.  My God, Free Willy never ate that much fish.
(The Real Story)  

 

Stripper silhouettesTopless dancers at the Crazy Horse nightclub in Paris have gone on strike, saying they aren’t being paid enough.  And do you really want to go see replacement strippers when they’re called “scabs?”
(The Real Story)  

 

ambulanceA VA community is securing drug compartments in ambulances after a string of thefts of Versed, an anti-anxiety medication.  Apparently, trying to figure out why “ambulance” is written backward on the hood causes a lot of anxiety.
(The Real Story)  

 

Don’t be selfish…make a habit of sharing this with your friends, many of whom could seriously use a laugh.

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 17

Stiles Files for May 17, 2012

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George W. BushGeorge W. Bush endorsed Mitt Romney.  But sources doubt he’ll be out campaigning for him.  He did, however, put up a big “Missionary Accomplished” banner at his house.
(The Real Story) 

 

jet hit by lightningFrancois Hollande, who just took over as France’s president, had his plane get hit by lightning on the way to Berlin.  Socialist that he is, he publicly expressed regret that all other planes did not get equally hit by lightning.
(The Real Story)  

 

Henry KissingerHenry Kissinger was given the full pat down by the TSA at LaGuardia.  None of the agents knew who the 88-year-old former Secretary of State was.  He immediately started trying to negotiate a ceasefeelup.
(The Real Story)  

 

aerial droneA new type of “virtual colonoscopy” has been shown to be just as effective as standard tests, and you don’t have to prep with the laxative.  And if this method doesn’t do the trick, they’re going to start sending in aerial drones.
(The Real Story)  

 

Surgeon with scalpelA NY man had his friend shoot him in the leg with a rifle because he wanted to know what it felt like.  Could have been worse.  The conversation started out with the guy wondering how bad it hurt back when he was circumcised.
(The Real Story)  

 

Don’t be selfish…make a habit of sharing this with your friends, many of whom could seriously use a laugh.

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 16

Stiles Files for May 16, 2012

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cameraTurns out Kodak had a small nuclear research reactor in an underground facility.  Remember the old Kodak cameras?  A little smoke cloud would form a mushroom after the incredibly bright flash went off.
(The Real Story) 

 

janitor52-year-old Yugoslavian refugee Gac Filipaj was a janitor for 12 years at Columbia University so he could take free classes.  And now he’s graduated.  What he doesn’t know is janitors are more in demand and make more money than college grads.
(The Real Story)  

 

Pepto bismolA museum in Australia is featuring the “poo-machine.”  It mimics the human digestive system.  It’s fed twice a day and poops promptly at 2pm.  And what’s worse, because it has to perform all the time, it has a nervous stomach.
(The Real Story)  

 

Chitty Chitty Bang BangA 40-year-old CA man drove his Lexus through a cinder block wall and into a family’s backyard swimming pool.  Okay, there’s one guy who should never drink while he watches “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Tanning momTanning Mom dropped the hint she’d like to appear in Playboy, but Playboy is saying no thanks.  She did, however, book a role as an alligator on History Channel’s “Swamp People.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 15

Stiles Files for May 15, 2012

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Yahoo CEO Scott Thompson stepped down over mentions on his resume and in filings he has a computer science degree.  He doesn’t.  So I take it he didn’t co-write all the songs on Nirvana’s “Nevermind” album like he claimed either?
(The Real Story) 

 

BalockResearch shows changes in women’s brains during motherhood.  The size increases shortly after childbirth.  If that’s true, Octomom’s head should look Star Trek’s Balock by now.
(The Real Story)  

 

SnookiA reality show featuring Whitney Houston’s relatives is in the works.  It’ll focus on the family bonding together to heal.  It’s loosely based off a spinoff idea for Snooki, in which she struggles to heal and recover after she spills her drink.
(The Real Story)  

 

Ebony & Ivory2 were charged with extortion for trying to sell what they said was embarrassing info about Stevie Wonder.  I know the video to “Ebony & Ivory” is embarrassing, but it’s pretty much out there already.
(The Real Story)  

 

JagermeisterA drug known as “The Devil’s Breath” that eliminates free will and wipes the memory of its victims is becoming a big problem in Colombia.  Um, they already have that.  It’s called Jagermeister.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 12

Stiles Files for May 12, 2012

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Joe Biden, Barack ObamaJoe Biden apologized to Obama for jumping the gun on the public embrace of same-sex marriage and forcing Obama’s hand.  Obama said Biden “got out a little over his skis.”  I swear those two boys fight like an old married couple.
(The Real Story) 

 

Queen ElizabethPrince Charles delivered the weather report on the BBC.  He said it was almost as cold as the first time he took Diana to meet Queen Elizabeth.
(The Real Story) 

 

old baseball playersA 70-year-old virgin says she’s ready to get it on now, though her standards are still very high.  No one was able to get past first base with her because…well because baseball just hadn’t been around long enough.
(The Real Story) 

 

Demi MooreThis week’s Time magazine cover features a woman breastfeeding her 3-year-old son.  Though meant to be controversial, most people are ignoring it, thinking it’s just a picture of Demi Moore and her new boyfriend.
(The Real Story) 

 

F on a paperAbout 22 % of California’s 8th-graders passed a national science test, making the state worst in the nation.  School officials say just as sure as water is made up of hydrogen and oxiclean, they’re going to improve their science curriculum.
(The Real Story) 

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 11

Stiles Files for May 11, 2012

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GleeObama said he now supports same-sex marriage.  Somebody in the communications office is asleep at the wheel.  You always bring in the cast of “Glee” for an announcement like that.
(The Real Story) 

 

soldierAn 84-year-old PA man wounded a home invasion suspect with the gun he carried back when he was in the Korean War.  He did such a good job he rewarded himself with a 3-day pass to Seoul.
(The Real Story)  

 

jailIn the WV Democratic Presidential Primary, Keith Judd, or Inmate 11593-051 at a federal prison in TX, ran against Obama and got over 40% of the vote.  Pretty good considering his platform consisted only of “fewer beatings with a bar of soap in a towel.”
(The Real Story) 

 

Jonas BrothersBroadway’s “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying,” starring Nick Jonas, didn’t succeed.  It probably should have stuck with the original title, “How to Succeed Without the Other Two Jonas Brothers.”
(The Real Story)  

 

overloaded electrical outletA cash-strapped NY town cancelled Fourth of July fireworks.  Instead, they’re going to gather around and overload an electrical outlet.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 10

Stiles Files for May 10, 2012

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Six Million Dollar ManClaire Lomas finished the London Marathon after 16 days even though she hasn’t been able to feel her legs for 5 years.  She did it in a $75,000 bionic suit.  Boy, if that’s as fast as the Six Million Dollar Man moved, he’d have never won that fight with Bigfoot.
(The Real Story) 

 

Fruit of the Loom guysUsing a double agent, the CIA thwarted a plot by al-Qaida’s affiliate in Yemen to destroy a US-bound airliner with an underwear bomb.  Double agent meaning what, he wore both Fruit of the Looms and Hanes?
(The Real Story)

 

TootsieA man who had a cardiac arrest while jogging in London’s Hyde Park says Dustin Hoffman saved his life.  Well, it wasn’t Dustin Hoffman.  It was a woman who looked like Tootsie, but nobody wants to disappoint the guy.
(The Real Story) 

 

ambulanceOklahoma City cops arrested a 72-year-old man for allegedly calling 911 to talk about sex.  Yeah, but most of the time a 72-year-old man thinks about sex, he’s going to need an ambulance, so it’s a legitimate call.
(The Real Story)

 

Backstreet BoysMichael Jackson’s former bodyguard claims Jacko was a paranoid maniac who ordered members of his inner circle to kill older brother Randy to stop a Jackson 5 reunion tour.  Such a shame Michael didn’t live…to stop the Backstreet Boys reunion.
(The Real Story) 

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 09

Stiles Files for May 9, 2012

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Bill ClintonA new poll finds Romney in a dead heat with Obama in 12 key swing states.  If you think back to Bill Clinton’s campaign, you’ll remember he did particularly well in swinger states.
(The Real Story) 

 

horse bettingCops still don’t have any suspects in the death of a horse groomer whose body was found in a barn at the Kentucky Derby.  Wow, whoever bet on that happening at the race walked away with a fortune.
(The Real Story)  

 

dinosaurResearchers calculate dinosaur flatulence could have put enough methane into the air to warm the planet during the Mesozoic era.  They’re also pretty sure dinosaurs eventually developed the ability to giggle every time they did it.
(The Real Story) 

 

upside down houseAn Austrian village unveiled a house that’s literally upside down, inside and out.  It’s a big tourist attraction.  If anybody wants to see a bunch of houses that are under water, all they have to do is come to America.
(The Real Story)  

 

Beatles White AlbumScotland Yard banned the word “blacklist” as being too racially insensitive.  The computer term “whitelist” is forbidden as well.  Agents can also no longer listen to the Beatles’ White Album.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 08

Stiles Files for May 8, 2012

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Smash3 employees of NBC or an NBC-owned station were fired for editing a call to police by George Zimmerman.  Most people are pretty sure a promo for “Smash” didn’t play in the middle of the 911 call.
(The Real Story) 

 

red penNYC’s Metropolitan Museum of Art got corrected by a 13-year-old boy, who found an error on one of the maps.  What the museum didn’t like was when he returned the next weekend with a big red marker to correct other mistakes.
(The Real Story)  

 

kittenA prison in WA is testing “Cuddly Catz,” matching inmates with rescued cats from shelters.  Most of the kitties wind up behind bars on trumped up catnip charges.
(The Real Story)  

 

driving monkeyA FL man is charged with felony drunken driving and wildlife violations after cops found a small monkey in his truck.  Idiot.  He should have let the monkey drive so he wouldn’t have gotten the DUI.
(The Real Story)  

 

mailmanLetter carriers are getting pressure from criminals who use stolen ids to file bogus tax returns to deliver the refunds to vacant houses.  And it’s hard for them to be street tough in those shorts and safari hats.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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