Nov 14

Success in Preventing Future Horrors Like the Paris Terror Attacks is More in Our Own Hands Than You Might Think.

  • We’re designing cool, artsy images and GIFs
  • We’re sharing motivational sayings
  • We’re sending our “thoughts & prayers”
  • We’re waving the French flag
  • We’re changing our Facebook profile pictures

 

The Eiffel Tower in Paris, FranceThose are all wonderful gestures and expressions of genuine care and concern. They are the right and admirable things to do.

 

It’s what we’re not doing that condemns future victims to the same fate. I’d love to think ISIS members & potential recruits see flags on profiles, or read how this should be answered with love and light, and reconsider their ideology of murder and torture of the innocent. But I don’t.

 

What we’re not doing, which endangers us, is coalescing behind a few truths. We’re at war. The French President has said this is war. Even Pope Francis has said this is a part of the Third World War.

 

There’s an existential threat to those of us who want peace and harmony. We can no longer deny it, call it less than what it is, pretend there is no enemy, or refuse to call out the enemy. This is an ideological war with hijackers of Islam, it is not a series of crimes by individuals who must be “brought to justice.”

 

The war is against realistic people executing it brilliantly. Exploiting our tolerance, our addiction to political correctness, our pacifist inclinations, they know better than to put on uniforms, attack borders and fight as a state. They’d surely lose. But a quiet, steady infiltration of the world powers they then attack from within…that’s going to work.

 

The American public has an incredible power to win, but not if we aren’t clear-minded and unified behind the effort. When we are not, we have an incredible power to lose. The U.S. military did not “lose” the Vietnam War. We did that. All the enemy had to do was never surrender, not mind dying, and outlast us. This current enemy is willing to do all three to the extreme.

 

To unify behind defeat of this enemy, we have to let some things we’ve been doing go, or at least put them on hold. This ideological war is self-determination and liberty vs. tyranny and barbarism. You’d think that would be a commonality we could all get behind. But the “America has been the root of all evil and ills in the world throughout its history” dialogue has been pervasive, even in our education system. Is it a smart thing to do ISIS’ recruiting for them?

 

A friend recently pointed out how many Presidents have faced the radical Islam issue. It’s next to impossible for any President to successfully prosecute a war without the backing of the country. We need to give our leaders the support and confidence to address these challenges seriously, freeing them from attacks of racism, anti-immigration, or Islamaphobia. Just as America’s ideology was better for the world than the fascism of the Nazis, our ideals are better for the world than the fascism and brutality of ISIS and like-minded believers.

 

It must once again be okay to be patriotic. It must once again be okay to say American ideals are superior. It must once again be okay to believe in American exceptionalism and encourage the world to aspire to liberty. And it must once again be okay to say our country has been blessed with the wealth and power to lead the world’s fight against evil, and return to doing it. Standing down has plunged the world into a chaos that leaves young men with no viable survival opportunities other than joining ISIS and similar groups.

 

Oh that we could defeat and eliminate such threats with love and light. But the weak and innocent need a champion willing to guard their lives with more. Without that, we’ll get our chance again soon enough to extend our digital sympathies to victims of unchecked brutality.

Photo: Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee, freedigitalphotos.net

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May 10

nflAfter Pixar, Marvel and Star Wars, Disney CEO Bob Iger says they aren’t looking to buy another big media company. He then casually asked if anybody happened to know what the NFL is worth right now.


baconA 105-year-old TX woman revealed the secret to her long life, bacon. Pearl Cantrell eats it almost every day and has outlived 3 of her 7 kids, as well as her husband. And, of course, she outlived all those pigs.


hanksReader’s Digest put out their list of the most trusted people in America, and at the very top was Tom Hanks, whom I stopped trusting back when he chose to make “Joe vs. the Volcano.”


If you like it share it. That’s how social works.

 

©2013, The Stiles Company, LLC

@TheStilesFiles

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May 03

pilgrimScientists found the first solid evidence colonists at Jamestown survived by turning to cannibalism. I hope to God that’s not where the brand “Pilgrim’s Pride” got started.


promDozens of dressed up CA teens traveled 40 miles only to discover they weren’t told the date of the prom was moved. The theme of the prom was “A Magical Night 2 Weeks from Now.”


pinkfloydA MN man claiming to be a member of Pink Floyd racked up $100,000 in unpaid medical bills. Staff knew it wasn’t true because when you played his EKG backwards, you didn’t get any secret messages.


If you like it share it. That’s how social works.

 

©2013, The Stiles Company, LLC

@TheStilesFiles

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May 02

DairycowA PA man with an outhouse is being ordered to install a septic system. The 77-year-old lives on a farm and his nearest neighbor is a quarter-mile away, which is good because it’s a dairy farm and he’s lactose intolerant.


polarNorway has a job for you: 3 weeks in the Arctic wilderness looking for polar bears. You can’t have a gun, you have to scare them away with your voice. Oh, and you also have to wear a big white fur coat and lipstick to draw them out.


MoosThe woman who was once engaged to NBA star Jason Collins says she had no clue he was gay. Former WNBA player Carolyn Moos dated him for 7 years. Of course, she was also stunned to hear some WNBA players are lesbian, so her judgment’s a bit off.


If you like it share it. That’s how social works.

 

©2013, The Stiles Company, LLC

@TheStilesFiles

May 01

crackerbarrelYou’re one of those people that have no idea what you’re doing. And I mean that in a good way. With one little almost effortless spontaneous gesture, you wound up inspiring and teaching more people than you could have imagined in your wildest dreams. Last time I checked…almost a half a million people. I intend to make it more.

For those who don’t know, here’s what you did. You were with your family having breakfast at Cracker Barrel, I assume somewhere near Knoxville, TN, when you saw an older woman eating alone. You said you felt sorry for her, and your family told you to go say hello. I don’t know if they were kidding or they knew you’d do exactly that.

You not only said hello, but sat down and wound up having breakfast with her. You found out her name was Anita, that her husband died of dementia in August after 58 years of marriage, that her church friends are her only “family,” and that she likes Cracker Barrel because it’s easier than a lot of places to eat alone. When the meal was over, you exchanged phone numbers.

I wish I could tell you that someone being that loving, empathetic toward a total stranger, and taking the initiative to do something about it isn’t “news,” or isn’t a story worthy of going viral. But sadly, it is. And considering your young age, and that the person you reached out to was a senior…well that makes it all the more newsworthy given how our culture erases the elderly.

Hopefully you’ve heard of the Beatles. Well they have a song called Eleanor Rigby that asks, “all the lonely people, where do they all come from?” I’ll tell you where they come from. They come from haven fallen through the cracks in a hard world filled with hard people. If they’re noticed at all, they’re regarded “somebody else’s problem.” But mostly, they’re lonely because they’ve been made invisible. But you, you have eyes that truly see, and that makes you a real gem.

We’re bombarded daily with stories of human atrocity that come from dark hearts. I suppose most people find those more interesting than inspiring stories, so that’s why we’re fed a steady diet of it. Cumulatively, all of these dark heart success stories can make a society downright despondent. Our definition of “normal” shifts and is compromised. So much so that what you did becomes “abnormal.”

You Erika are a heart of light. Thank God you’re here to combat what the dark hearts bring. You made an old lady’s day. The waitress said you made the staff’s day. Your basic kindness has spread, inspired, and given hope, because basic kindness has fallen so by the wayside. I beg of you never to “mature” out of your current approach to life and people. We need you around to teach us.

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Apr 29

PattonLawmakers spent almost a half billion building improved versions of the Abrams tank, which the Army says it doesn’t need or want. But we can all take comfort in the fact that we’re now much better equipped to fight World War II.


tebowUnable to trade him, the Jets released quarterback Tim Tebow. Being canned by the Jets is like being told you’re not famous enough to be on “Splash.”


clayJason Aldean filed for divorce citing “irreconcilable differences.” He was pictured kissing “American Idol” contestant Brittany Kerr in an LA club months ago. True “irreconcilable differences” would have been if he was caught kissing “American Idol” contestant Clay Aiken.


If you like it share it. That’s how social works.

 

©2013, The Stiles Company, LLC

@TheStilesFiles

Apr 26

flashdanceThe stage adaptation of the 1983 movie “Flashdance” can’t find a Broadway theater.  However there is a woman in Times Square that will sit in a chair and let you dump a bucket of water on her for $5.


obamaObama says they told their girls if they ever got a tattoo, he and Michelle would get the same tattoo.  The girls plan to outsmart him by getting tattoos that say “The Sequester Was My Idea.”


koalaKoala numbers are plummeting in Australia due to chlamydia.  Hey, when a girl koala agrees to come over to your place for some eucalyptus leaves, you don’t take the time to ask her about her past.


If you like it share it.  That’s how social works.

 

©2013, The Stiles Company, LLC

@TheStilesFiles

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Apr 23

Hey Reese, it’s not your fault.

Reese WitherspoonWhen you and your hubby got pulled over by Atlanta cops, you had every right to be shocked, offended, confused, and angry. You said something perfectly valid. You looked that cop right in the eye and said, “Do you know my name?” You then went on to fairly warn him, “You’re about to find out who I am,” and “You are going to be on national news.”

Your approach to the situation wasn’t out of line…given the fact we made you a God. We make Gods of all you celebrities. Hell, we even make Gods of people who aren’t talented performers but who are relentlessly imposed on us via our TV screens until we know who they are. When you observe, year after year, that you’ve been elevated above other human beings by those very same human beings, it’s only fair and natural to assume you’re worthy of and entitled to reverential treatment. That’s our bad, not yours.

I’m not exaggerating when I say we make Gods of celebrities. It’s classic polytheism
. Your God is who you spend the most time reading and thinking about. Your God is who gets your tithe. Your God is who influences you. Your God is whose love you seek. Your God is who you’re most devoted to. Your God is who you worship with others. Your God is someone you want to tell everyone about. If you could see God or be in his presence, you’d feel special, euphoric, blessed.

Are celebrities not our Gods? We endlessly seek information about them. We’ll pay almost any price to see their concerts or movies. We get what they endorse. We seek their distant validation by believing the same things they do. We have a visceral reaction if someone speaks negatively of them. We talk to others about them and encourage friends to also find out how great they are. And wow, if we ever get to be in their presence, we have a physical reaction; our hearts race, our eyes widen, we feel more alive. We literally shove and scramble for a chance to touch them, certain it will somehow make us significant.

We…are…pathetic.

This modern celebrity polytheism simply couldn’t happen if our own lives weren’t empty and our own self-worth so low. We have far more knowledgeable relationships with the Real Housewives than with the woman next door. That rewrites the definition of “sad.”

Again, I’ll bet Reese is a beautiful person who wouldn’t have said what she said had she not been a little buzzed. But when your inhibitions are down, your true perceptions tend to come out. She didn’t ask to be a God. We pushed that on her. And like many other celebrities, she simply grew to accept it, and expect it.

You have to wonder what the real God thinks.

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May 19

Lipizzaner StallionsA white Arabian horse got spooked at a beach near Santa Barbara and swam 2 miles out into the ocean.  If you think that’s something, you should see the Lipizzaner Stallions do their synchronized swimming routine.
(The Real Story) 


 

Taylor SwiftTaylor Swift is donating $4 million to the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum.  The only stipulation is she gets to open a permanent “ex-boyfriends I’m still pissed off at” exhibit.
(The Real Story)  


 

stripper67-year-old Robert White died after getting several lap dances at a TX strip club.  And believe me, if you’ve ever tried to do a lap dance to “Taps,” it’s not easy.
(The Real Story)  


 

alligatorA NC man was bitten on the arm trying to corral an alligator using…a towel.  Forget the towel.  The trick is to preoccupy the gator by making it try to fold a fitted sheet while you strap its mouth shut.
(The Real Story)  


 

Joe BidenBreitbart revealed a 1991 promo booklet by Obama’s then-literary agency touting that he was “born in Kenya.”  Come on, if he were born in Kenya, Joe Biden would have already blurted that out already.
(The Real Story)  


 

Don’t be selfish…make a habit of sharing this with your friends, many of whom could seriously use a laugh.

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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May 18

SkechersSkechers will pay $40 million to settle unfounded claims Shape-ups help people lose weight and strengthen muscles.  They can easily come up with the money thanks to their new line of Hook-ups, the shoe that’s guaranteed to get you sex.
(The Real Story) 


 

Jennifer AnistonThe adviser that vetted Sarah Palin for John McCain said even though they lost, he stands by a “high risk, high reward” philosophy.  He suggests Romney pick Jennifer Aniston.
(The Real Story)  


 

Free Willy350 lb. Bill Wisth is protesting a WI all-you-can-eat restaurant that cut him off after eating 12 fish.  They gave him 8 fish to go away, for a total of 20.  My God, Free Willy never ate that much fish.
(The Real Story)  


 

Stripper silhouettesTopless dancers at the Crazy Horse nightclub in Paris have gone on strike, saying they aren’t being paid enough.  And do you really want to go see replacement strippers when they’re called “scabs?”
(The Real Story)  


 

ambulanceA VA community is securing drug compartments in ambulances after a string of thefts of Versed, an anti-anxiety medication.  Apparently, trying to figure out why “ambulance” is written backward on the hood causes a lot of anxiety.
(The Real Story)  


 

Don’t be selfish…make a habit of sharing this with your friends, many of whom could seriously use a laugh.

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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