Feb 04

Stiles Files for February 4, 2012

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Married coupleModamily.com is a new site that pairs couples interested in “co-parenting” arrangements.  It involves forming a sexless, platonic union just to have and raise kids.  The only flaw with the plan is that marriage is often a sexless, platonic union.
(The Real Story) 

 

Costa ConcordiaPunxsutawney Phil saw his shadow so it will be awhile before spring.  In related news, the captain of the Costa Concordia saw his shadow, got scared and ran.
(The Real Story) 

 

Solar SystemNASA says beyond our solar system is a strange and very different place.  Our only hope of finding out for sure what it’s like is if Newt also proposes an edge-of-the-solar-system galactic outpost.
(The Real Story)  

 

Peeing statueA famous bronze statue in Brussels of a young boy urinating that’s a major tourist attraction had to stop peeing because of cold temps.  Freezing could damage his internal mechanisms.  Considering how old the statue is, it only makes it more realistic if he has trouble getting it started.
(The Real Story)  

 

Winnie CooperFred Savage says he think his “Wonder Years” character Kevin Arnold would probably have grown up to be a writer or educator since he did all that deep thinking.  What did you expect him to say, that he’d be pimping out Winnie Cooper in Vegas?
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 03

Stiles Files for February 3, 2012

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apple pieSome researchers are saying sugar and other sweeteners are so toxic to the human body they should be regulated as strictly as alcohol.  Consequently, you have to be 21 to get pie now.
(The Real Story) 

 

Amazon tribeAuthorities are trying to keep outsiders away from isolated Amazon Indians in Peru who started appearing by a river popular with tourists.  They’ve shot people with bows and arrows.  It’s the only way they can make sure they’re the last people alive who’ve never heard of the Kardashians.
(The Real Story)  

 

Amy WinehouseThe coroner who oversaw the inquest into Amy Winehouse’s death resigned after her qualifications were questioned.  Apparently she’s not a trained bartender.
(The Real Story)  

 

giraffeAn English supermarket caved to a 3-year-old girl’s campaign to change the name of its Tiger bread to Giraffe bread.  She says the splotches on the crust look more like a giraffe.  To make it even more authentic, the store will only put it on the very highest shelves.
(The Real Story)  

 

Newt GingrichKodak asked the bankruptcy court to void a $74 million contract to have its name on the Hollywood theater that hosts the Oscars.  Mitt Romney will now take over the contract and rename it the “Newt Gingrich Was Forced to Resign in Disgrace Theater.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 02

Stiles Files for February 2, 2012

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Kim KardashianThe Director of Intelligence told Congress our biggest threats in 2012 include Iran willing to attack on US soil, homegrown terror, and increased cyber threats.  Oh, and the threat of up to 2 additional Kardashian TV shows.
(The Real Story) 

 

elephantVets at an Amsterdam zoo fitted a contact lens on an Asian elephant whose cornea was injured playing with other elephants.  It took an hour to get the lens in.  But it took 6 hours to fit him with those coke-bottle glasses he wore before getting contacts.
(The Real Story) 

 

sunNewar girls in Kathmandu marry 3 times, first to the fruit of the wood-apple tree, second to the sun, then to a human.  Most girls will tell you they got burned by their second husband.
(The Real Story) 

 

yogaSan Francisco Airport has opened a yoga room.  This will help when passengers start being forced to assume the downward dog position when being patted down by the TSA.
(The Real Story)  

 

VoyagerSeparated from his wife in 1994, a British man spent 10 years and $150,000 turning his apartment into Star Trek’s USS Voyager.  Now she demands he sell the place.  Divorce is when you put a cloaking device on all your assets.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Feb 01

Stiles Files for February 1, 2012

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droneIraqi officials expressed outrage at the ongoing US use of drones in the Iraqi skies.  Mostly because they think it’s tacky they pull banners behind them advertising seafood buffets.
(The Real Story) 

 

coffee filterA CA company’s Stay Warm line of cold-weather clothing is made from recycled coffee beans.  They also make baby clothing out of it, but nobody ever wants to change the filter.
(The Real Story)  

 

coachAn IA woman gave birth to a 13 lbs. and 13 oz boy with no surgery or epidural.  Only 1/10 of 1% of all newborns weigh over 11 pounds at birth.  High school recruiters pacing in the waiting room congratulated her on the delivery.
(The Real Story)  

 

George WashingtonAfter George Washington died in 1799, his family nearly took an offer from a doc who thought he could bring him back to life.  He was going to use blankets, an air pump and lamb’s blood.  Which is also what Conrad Murray had on hand to treat Michael Jackson.
(The Real Story)  

 

Billy CundiffFor all the promise and buzz, analysts say the public is taking a ho-hum view of 3D televisions.  Buyers don’t see it as a “necessity,” and no matter how many dimensions you look at it, the Ravens’ Billy Cundiff really did miss that field goal.
(The Real Story) 

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 28

Stiles Files for January 27, 2012

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Marvin the MartianNewt Gingrich says the US will have a colony on the moon by 2020 if he’s elected.  He also said a new propulsion system would get us to Mars.  Ron Paul immediately said he doesn’t see any reason why Martians should not be allowed to have nuclear weapons.
(The Real Story) 

 

Chris TuckerSteven Spielberg will make an epic Moses movie.  It’s called a “Braveheart-ish version of the Moses story.”  It’s actually also a buddy movie.  Aaron will be played by Chris Tucker.
(The Real Story)  

 

chickenA 17-year-old girl in the UK who’s eaten almost nothing but chicken nuggets for 15 years has been warned by docs it’s killing her.  The irony is, after all those years of eating chicken nuggets, she’s never actually eaten any real chicken.
(The Real Story) 

 

Michael JacksonMichael Jackson’s 13-year-old daughter Paris is reportedly hot for Justin Bieber.  She introduced him at a show and was gushing.  I feel fairly confident dad would have liked Justin a whole lot too.
(The Real Story)  

 

Alex TrebekPat Sajak says he used to be wasted on “Wheel of Fortune” in the 80s.  So what?  I remember when Alex Trebek used to do a shot every time the Daily Double would come up on Jeopardy.
(The Real Story) 

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 26

Stiles Files for January 26, 2012

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Julian AssangeWikileaks hero/villain Julian Assange will host a new TV talk show.  The guests are a secret, but he’s promising controversy.  I think he could come up with a more appealing name for the show than, “So You Think You Can Leak.”
(The Real Story) 

 

Amy WinehouseToday’s starlets are looking like classic actresses such as Liz Taylor, Marilyn Monroe and Rita Hayworth.  Experts say it’s timeless over trendy.  Of course, Amy Winehouse most resembles them, because she too is dead.
(The Real Story) 

 

Buzz LightyearEast Orange, NJ plans to cut crime by highlighting suspects with a red-beamed spotlight from streetlights or fixtures before a crime is committed.  Nice to see a major police force adopting the same level of weaponry as Buzz Lightyear.
(The Real Story) 

 

Central ParkeBay pulled all Joe Paterno funeral ticket listings.  They don’t allow the sale of tickets to events in which all tickets are free to the public.  One pair sold for $99,509.  I don’t have that kind of money after buying walking rights in NYC’s Central Park.
(The Real Story) 

 

Lost in Space robotThe man who voiced the robot from “Lost in Space” has died at age 85.  Toward the end, the family argued over whether or not to pull the power pack.
(The Real Story) 

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 25

Stiles Files for January 25, 2012

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Al GreenA reporter compiled a list of the hard compromises and concessions of Obama’s first term based on internal memos.  And it’s still happening.  He had to give up plans to deliver the entire State of the Union address by singing it like Al Green.
(The Real Story) 

 

Sean PennA diver swimming with sharks in the Bahamas had to fight off a shark with his camera.  The shark bit down on his camera instead of his head.  Fortunately the photog was trained for such an incident because he used to be a paparazzo assigned to Sean Penn.
(The Real Story)

 

Aretha FranklinAretha Franklin has called off her engagement, saying things were moving too fast.  For instance, Aretha had not only already ordered the wedding cake, she went ahead and ate it.
(The Real Story)  

 

beeManagers of the Valley Heritage Park in England are considering introducing a hive of bees to deter vandals from damaging historic buildings.  Is that anything like the drones we use to monitor Afghanistan?
(The Real Story) 

 

Poseidon AdventureThe owners of the Costa Concordia are offering survivors of the disaster 30% off future cruises!  They also get VIP treatment at the new onboard show, “Poseidon Adventure the Musical.”
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 24

Stiles Files for January 24, 2012

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Newt GingirchA Russian scientist published what he claims is evidence of life on Venus.  Its atmosphere is carbon dioxide, it’s waterless, volcano-riddled and 894 degrees.  Experts say the only life that could survive in that hostile an environment is Newt Gingrich.
(The Real Story) 

 

JuddsA tour bus carrying country music star Lee Brice caught fire outside a restaurant near Phoenix, forcing he and his crew to flee.  Not since the Judds reunion’s tragic hairspray incident of 2010 has a country music tour bus been so flammable.
(The Real Story)  

 

MC HammertVanilla Ice’s DIY home improvement show is starting its 2nd season.  And unfortunately for a fellow 80’s performer’s catch phrase, Ice starts out each episode by yelling, “It’s hammer time!”
(The Real Story)  

 

rain cloudA newly proposed law in South Africa would punish unauthorized weather forecasts with up to 5 years in jail time and $630,000 in fines.  That’s why every South African forecast calls for a 1-99% chance of rain.
(The Real Story)  

 

MadonnaDays after the accident, docs found a 3 1/4-inch nail in the middle of an IL man’s brain.  They got it out, and also lucky for him, the only memories damaged by the nail were of Madonna’s Golden Globes acceptance speech.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 20

Stiles Files for January 20, 2012

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MotelA study lists the odd things people try to put on company expense reports.  They include cosmetic surgery, speeding tickets, hotel porn, a video game console and cigarettes.  The hotel porn was listed as “motivational seminar.”
(The Real Store) 

 

Sgt. PepperRed-green and yellow-blue are so-called “forbidden colors.”  They’re real but can’t be perceived by the human eye.  People know they’re seeing colors, but can’t describe them.  Which is pretty much how the Sgt. Pepper’s album was recorded.
(The Real Store)  

 

Kobe BryantThe State Dept. announced Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s appointment as a global ambassador.  He’ll travel the world helping promote diplomacy.  Shouldn’t he start small by seeing if he can negotiate peace between Kobe Bryant and his wife?
(The Real Store)  

 

Billy OceanPassengers on a trans-Atlantic British Airways flight were horrified when a recorded message told them they were going to crash into the ocean.  Turns out it was merely announcing songs on the satellite radio, saying, “That was the Clash, now here’s Billy Ocean.”
(The Real Store)  

 

BurquaUS prosecutors say a copy of a magazine published by an arm of al-Qaida was found being read by a detainee at Gitmo.  No word on how he got it.  Too bad he got caught.  The centerfold that issue almost shows her wrist.
(The Real Store)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

 

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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Jan 19

Stiles Files for January 19, 2012

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dolphinMine-detecting dolphins may be our best way to keep the Strait of Hormuz near Iran open.  When they find a mine, they drop off a floating marker.  Of course it’s hard to do that in secret because they also like to leap out of the water and ring a bell.
(The Real Story) 

 

lap deskFake iPad 2s made of modeling clay were recently sold at stores in Vancouver.  The stores responded by trying to sell disappointed customers lap desks so the clay wouldn’t stain their pants during usage.
(The Real Story)  

 

Ryan SeacrestResearchers in Egypt found the tomb of an ancient superstar.  A singer for the deity Amun-Ra, the Sun God of ancient Egypt, she’s considered the Lady Ga Ga of her day.  Coincidentally, Lady Ga Ga sings for Ryan Seacrest, the sun God of Los Angeles.
(The Real Story) 

 

Paula DeenPaula Deen is not apologizing for waiting 3 years to disclose she has Type 2 diabetes.  She’ll now be paid to endorse a diabetes drug.  Which she will prepare by soaking in butter, wrapping in raw cookie dough, and swallowing whole with a chaser of half-n-half.
(The Real Story)  

 

astronautThe US pledged to join an EU-led effort to develop a space “code of conduct.”  Rule 1: If the space food makes you gassy, you have to stay in the airlock for at least 3 hours.
(The Real Story)  

 

Check out Mike’s alter ego, white, middle-aged suburban rapper Notorious D-A-D in his full length CD “Bumpin’ in the Burbs”!  http://www.notoriousdadmusic.com

(The Blog Monologue delayed 24 hours for radio clients)
©2012, The Stiles Company, LLC
www.mikestiles.com    @TheStilesFiles

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